"Mom, I Haven't Survived Yet!" Or How To Deal With Computer Addiction

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

"Mom, I haven't survived yet!" or how to deal with computer addiction

“He doesn't listen to me, just turn off the computer, he is hysterical,” “my only hobbies are the computer,” “He doesn't want to study, it’s not interesting there, but he’s playing games all day long! Etc. And if earlier adolescents were considered to be a risk group, that this draws them into the virtual world, then with the advent of tablet computers and telephones with the Internet, in my opinion, the situation has worsened. Children from one year old play games on tablets, they still cannot speak, but a smart one - plays!

The conditions for the development of modern children have changed so radically that even talented teachers and very loving parents find it difficult to adapt. All the systems of education of the world did not take into account the possibility of children leaving for imaginary worlds.

The child does not know how to play with toys, he needs to be taught this. At first, he simply manipulates objects, examines them, disassembles, breaks, studies, but does not play. The game is taught by an adult. Computer games are something different, here everything is simpler and more interesting, more exciting. And the child is enough and the parents, because he sits quietly, does not climb on his head. And trouble sneaks up unnoticed …

Who is the child more attached to - to the mother or the computer? This question sometimes torments parents. We are jealous of a child for a soulless car, but we are not ready to spend time with him. Previously, the parent was a source of happiness against the backdrop of a rather monotonous reality. Parents can now act as the backdrop for vibrant, endlessly varied virtual reality.

Observations show that if a child lacks warm relations in the family, love, tenderness, affection, the risk of the formation of all kinds of addictions, including computer addictions, increases significantly. The pleasure that can be obtained easily and simply is just a surrogate for human love, which the child does not know how to get. Children get stuck at the stage of simpler operations, if they do not know or cannot afford more complex ones. And the computer, despite the complex internal structure, is simple because it is easy to operate. To compete with him, parents must have the time and desire to spend time with the child and, of course, know how to do it. Let's try to figure out why children prefer a computer and how to combine virtual and real life.

Why do they prefer computers?

1. One-on-one with a computer, a child gains freedom and power that he might lack in real life. Parental control is removed; the usual norms of behavior, requiring tension, coordination, taking into account the interests of others, change to the rules of the game, which are controlled by the child himself. From a dependent performer, he turns into an active player. Here he is in charge. This illusion of reality control is the strongest motive behind video games.… Especially for boys who seek to expand their capabilities, space and improve their psychological status. They get a chance to become winners in the virtual world.
2. Games stimulate the imagination to a certain extent, involving children in new mobile, vibrant worlds. Unstudied, but clearly valid is hypnotic effect screen technologies. Moving pictures, like any moving objects, can fascinate and attract attention. High concentration on the game is akin to hypnotic immersion in sleep. Time in this state flies unnoticed, and the space narrows to the frame of the screen. And if you consider the fact that children do not feel the passage of time, then when you ask or order to leave the game, you get back that I just sat down! I need to save, complete a mission, complete something, etc.
3. Computer manipulation is easy … The ease with which complex operations are performed is extremely attractive for a child who is still struggling with everything. In the game, difficult tricks and jumps are easy for him. They are identified with the hero and say: “I'm on my way, I jumped, I won, I built.” In fact, they merge with their characters at the time of the game and react bitterly, sometimes hysterically to defeat. (One of my clients, a 6-year-old boy, reacts to losing the game as if his life's work was lost. He banged his head on the table and lamented why God punished me so much, why am I such a loser, everyone is lucky and I NEVER. In the process of work, he managed to somewhat reduce the intensity of passions, he still wails, but no longer beats himself and after several minutes of crying, performs breathing exercises. It seems to them that their children are little geniuses and endowed with special abilities. And children are encouraged by a sense of superiority over adults.
4. Most of the games are built on the principle of the TV series: one level ends - another begins, even more interesting. Game developers go out of their way to make the game endless so that it can be played over and over again. And yet, game developers are by no means altruists, games are a business, but like any business is aimed at making money. And if you want to be stronger, the more agile you will have to buy the best weapon, armor or minerals for real money, it does not matter that many children secretly spend their money on the game from their parents.
5. A computer game, like any gambling, is accompanied by the production of hormones … Games are not so much simulations of worlds as of certain vivid experiences, strong emotions. Game addiction is hormonal addiction. If in real life the child does not receive emotions of comparable strength, he will prefer playing on the computer.
6. Computer games train operational attention and memory … Children love to learn something new and then demonstrate their abilities. They are pleased to feel how quickly skills emerge.

How to combine real and virtual life of a child?

1. First, decide: what does a computer mean in your family, in the life of any person? The exaggeration of the importance of the computer by adults increases its importance in the life of the child. Exaggerated fears of the computer play the same role.. Calm, almost indifferent attitude to technology allows you to use it with great intelligence, accuracy and benefit. And most importantly, it will not lead to such a deformation of the value system, in which a soulless piece of iron with wires is deified
2. Computer and discipline! Things are quite compatible! But the aggression of adults only hardens the child and creates the effect of the "forbidden fruit". Therefore, firstly, you need to form the correct attitudes before the start of the game: "All children of your age play for half an hour." Secondly, playing on the computer should have alternative activities: "Besides the computer, we can play Lotto!" Aggressive interruption of play leaves a much more serious mark on the child's psyche than we might think. From the point of view of the child, the parent does not love or understand him if he is not ready to share his joy with him. Unfortunately, we are used to measuring the depth of relationships with people. by how sensitive they are to us in difficult circumstances - are they ready to share the trouble with us? But children have a different logic. They take care as a norm, and they judge love by how much the parent is included in the joyful side of life. Therefore, in order to avoid conflicts: 1. Agree on time in advance 2. During the game, the child does not feel the flow of time, therefore I recommend an hourglass, especially for preschoolers, unlike other types of watches, the flow of time is visually visible in them. 3. Keep your word clearly if you have agreed half an hour + 10 minutes to complete it so it should be different next time the child will manipulate and shift the time, knowing that you will give in. Mom cannot cope, let dad or grandmother, the one who is stable, connect and keep track of the time.
3. Low self-esteem in a child - this is the basis for the formation of any unwanted addiction. If there are too few pleasant stimuli that bring joy, calm, cheer up, surprise, amuse, inspire, in life there are too few, any pleasure, including playing on the computer, can cause addiction. This means that, not only exaggerating the importance of the computer, but also underestimating ourselves, our child, we push him to be content with the role of a simple executor of other people's programs, including computer ones. He doesn't need more. And low self-esteem is the result of weak parental love.
4. The computer will take a special place in a child's life, if he has no friends and other significant connections with the world … This is a real problem in the era of individualism and life in large, densely populated cities. If you have at least some opportunity to create conditions for joint games, being in a peer group, do not miss it.
5. The standards for the child's stay in front of the screen are approximately as follows. Up to 3 years old, no computers and consoles! At least up to 3 years … Because reality is difficult to compete with the virtual world, in which everything uninteresting is filtered out and all the most "cool" is collected. After 3 years, the playing time should be dosed and make a maximum of half an hour, preferably in a break, 15 minutes each. You can create a rule: "Computer only on weekends!", "Or computer, or TV!", "We only play together!". Such rules are the basis of the culture of using information resources.
6. The rule "We only play together!" is especially important because it guarantees the adult's involvement in the game process. But most importantly, we teach the child how to play, simulate the attitude to the computer. It is easier for children to cope with the irresistible urge to play more and more if they see the adults stop. Put a clock next to it, explain that time limitation is a condition of the game.
7. How to answer the child's question, why limit the time? Remind that little men have not only a head and arms, which are so necessary for a computer, but also legs, a back, and a tummy. They also want to play, run, jump. Otherwise, not a man will grow up, but a tadpole with a weak body. Babies are impressed! Queue outdoor games and computer games. Children love both and calmly switch from one interesting activity to another, everything will depend on you and on how you organize the process of games in reality.

Test for children's Internet addiction (S. A. Kulakov, 2004)

Answers are given on a five-point scale: 1 - very rarely, 2 - sometimes, 3 - often, 4 - very often, 5 - always

1. How often does your child break the time frame you set for using the network?

2. How often does your child start up their chores in order to spend more time online?

3. How often does your child prefer to spend time online rather than with his family?

4. How often does your child form new relationships with friends online?

5. How often do you complain about the amount of time your child spends online?

6. How often does your child's school experience suffer from the amount of time your child spends online?

7. How often does your child check e-mail before doing anything else?

8. How often does your child prefer to communicate online over communication with others?

9. How often does your child resist or be secretive when asked about what he is doing on the Internet?

10. How often have you found your child breaking into the net against your will?

11. How often does your child spend time in his room playing at the computer?

12. How often does your child receive strange calls from his new online “friends”?

13. How often does your child snarl, yell, or act annoyed if disturbed about being online?

fourteen. How often does your child look more tired and tired than when you did not have the Internet?

15. How often does your child seem to be lost in thought of going back online when they are offline?

16. How often does your child swear and get angry when you are angry about their time online?

17. How often does your child prefer being on the net to his previous favorite activities, hobbies, interests of others?

18. How often does your child get angry and aggressive when you put a limit on the amount of time they spend online?

19. How often does your child prefer to spend time online instead of going out with friends?

20. How often do you feel depressed, depressed, nervous when you are offline, and when you return to the network, all this disappears?

With a score of 50-79, parents need to consider the serious impact the Internet has on your child and family.

With a score of 80 and above, the child is highly likely to be addicted to the Internet and needs the help of a specialist psychologist.

What is undesirable to do: punish, turn off the Internet, deprive others of pleasure. All these actions are not only useless, but also harmful, since the child can withdraw, become aggressive, the teenager can leave home.

What to do - to provide the child with a full life in reality - strong impressions, friendly company, a useful activity. Let him climb rope ladders and climbing walls, learn to fence or ride a horse, play KVN, or at least use computer skills to design or write programs. Agree to limit the time at the computer with the right to play enough once a week or once a month.

If you find it difficult to cope on your own. Consult a psychologist, with the help of a specialist, you can improve the quality of life of the child.

Dealing with addiction - it is always a comprehensive psychological assistance to the whole family. The effectiveness of working with both the child and the parents at the same time accelerates the healing process itself more than three times.

Addiction - This is a family disease, although the symptom itself is manifested in the child. Therefore, it is important to understand that in psychological work, to one degree or another, parents or other "significant" adults for a child or adolescent will be involved.