The Man Who Is Not Able To Choose You

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

The main idea: there are such people and it is not your fault. However, you can do something for yourself. But first things first.

Once I suffered a lot from the fact that in many cases in a relationship, a man did not seem to choose me. Or he sways between several women. Or “he has other priorities” (this is a quote from one of them). Those. he is busy with anything but contacting me. For our communication, our relationship, he has no strength, time, desire, or anything else. Or, even if there is no someone or something else to choose from, he chooses "to be with me or not to be": he is not sure whether he likes me, whether he is good with me, whether he wants to be with me. me, whether he has serious intentions, whether he wants to get married, etc. And in general - suddenly somewhere better and the grass is greener.

I thought that something was wrong with me, since I was not chosen. I really wanted to feel chosen, valuable, significant, important, unique. But all the time I felt “unselected”.

Once, in response to my habitual "whining", I heard the question "Have you chosen yourself?" It was very painful. But … No, at that moment I did not choose myself.

And later I began to understand that not only he chooses me. But I also choose it. And I, too, may not choose. Disagree, with the eyes of a homeless puppy, for everyone who "finally chose me." But I also understand myself what I want or don’t want, and choose a partner according to my criteria, be active in the choice.

And then I began to understand that there are people who are not able to choose. There are many reasons for this. At almost any stage of a person's development, “something can go wrong” and he becomes unable to see, appreciate, choose another and be in deep contact with him.

Those. if he hesitates in his choice - let him hesitate. These are his dynamics, not yours. It is not your fault that he chooses between you and Natasha, or you and friends, or you and mom, or you and your absence, or you "as is" and you "slimmed down by 20 kg, dyed red and with enlarged breasts" … You cannot change anything, you cannot become "good enough for him to prefer you." Because this is his feature - not to make a choice, but to hang in it.

The only thing you can do for yourself is to leave him wandering in his dynamics, and go to take care of yourself and, in the end, choose someone who will see you, appreciate you, will be ready for a deep warm contact with you, with whom you will be able to mutually choose each other so that each of you will be happy with this choice.

And for this, yes, you first need to choose yourself. For yourself, put yourself first. Don't sacrifice yourself. Do not try to bend to please someone. Understand about yourself “Who I am, what I am, why I am, where I am and where I am, what is important to me in life and in relationships, etc.”. And then already choose someone with whom along the way, with whom it is good, who is ready to be together as a whole, and not hang in the under-selection.

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