2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
The problem of good boys and good girls, who are not needed by anyone, despite all their goodness, is so popular that it is impossible to ignore it. Every second client (client) is a person who suffers from his reliability, from the fact that he cannot offend (that is, disagree with the opinion, proposal, request) of another person
These are guys who "don't drink, don't smoke, don't swear", but at the same time remain the eternal prisoners of the friend zone. These are girls, women who are "kind, loyal, understanding, decent and tasty cooking borscht", but who will be forever "dumped and abandoned." These are people who do not know how to give change, endure a bad attitude, humiliation, rudeness and wait for the offender's behavior to be corrected, his repentance, because "WELL I AM GOOD!" These are people who, with their goodness, decency, reliability, gratuitousness, deserve, earn, work out at least a drop of love and approval. AND…. fail!
But why? Let's figure it out.
Who are all these people? Or rather, not so: how did they grow? These are the children who earned the love of their mother. They earned in different ways: by obedience, "high marks", neatness, not noisiness, not playfulness (otherwise mom's head hurts!), Washing floors, politeness, complaisance, diligence. Such a baby is sitting, the bangs are combed to one side, the trousers are rimmed, ironed. Handsome, neat, comfortable, flexible. And - not alive.
And then the baby gets used to the fact that in order to deserve a drop of love, you need to be good. You should not drink, smoke, use obscenities, be kind and faithful and cook borscht deliciously. And when such a good kid enters adulthood, then his whole strategy of working off human love fails.
Yesterday's licked teetotal, non-smoking child Vasya looks at the girls, gives them flowers, sees them off to the entrance, gives beads and stars, writes poetry, and they tell him: "You are so good! Let's be friends!" And then Vasya watches as the same girls run in a herd after the hooligan Petya - an unemployed, cattle hamlet. The system crashes!
Or the excellent pupil Yulenka, who never denied her mother anything, did not contradict, after 15 years she suffers from the fact that she is embarrassed to refuse her friend Svetka to sit with her children while she is looking for a second husband, she can go around all the shops in the city in search of a winning disc (A colleague at work cannot find Irka's neighbor himself, so he asked!), and it’s not even clever to deny Vasily Stepanovich, the 46-year-old deputy director, in his sexual inclinations, because suddenly he will be offended?
To refuse for such a good Vasya or a good Yulenka = to receive censure, condemnation, resentment from another person, which means not to receive love. Wanting to be comfortable and nice is wanting to be loved. But in adulthood, the "while I am comfortable - I love" setting does not work at all! Because we are loved when we love ourselves without any conditions, without deserving and working off / earning love! Otherwise, those around us are simply used.
And then a healthy lifestyle becomes an act of love for yourself and respect for your body, and not a medal "To be loved", cultural speech becomes an act of love for your language and upbringing, and not "so as not to scare away" and cook you borscht, because Love him and you like the process, not because "love lies through the stomach"! It is scary to refuse when there is a belief in the subconscious that you need to earn your own value …
Of course, this does not mean that you need to be an arrogant, narcissistic boor, refuse everyone and everything indiscriminately, walk over their heads and, therefore, only then and only in this way will manna from heaven flow from heaven in the form of human love and approval. But before accepting an offer, answering a request, agreeing with something, answer yourself the question: "What is my true motive and what is my interest? Am I doing this to show my sympathy or to earn sympathy?"
All activities in the external world of each individual person should be a manifestation of his love, which is inside, and not a way to be filled with love from the outside through approval, excellent ratings, reviews, likes and reposts.
Self-worth is acquired by birth, it is determined by existence itself, life, and not by numerous regalia in the form of education, loyalty, decency, beauty, youth, a healthy lifestyle and the ability to cook borscht! This does not mean at all that you do not need to grow spiritually, engage in self-development, get an education, improve yourself, improve yourself, but the initial message for “pumping” yourself is to become even better than I was yesterday. This is not done to wrap the candy in a brighter candy wrapper to improve sales. This is done because the candy is really good and it is precisely this brightness of the packaging that matches its exquisite taste!
Love yourself and be loved!
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