Hatred: Healing And Crippling

Video: Hatred: Healing And Crippling

Video: Hatred: Healing And Crippling
Video: Ненависть (Hatred) - Original Song 2024, March
Hatred: Healing And Crippling
Hatred: Healing And Crippling
Anonim

Experiencing hate probably ranks high on the list of "vicious" emotions. Give up hate, open up to life-giving love, kindness and acceptance - these are the calls you hear regularly. But, one way or another, any feeling arose for a reason, and, of course, hatred - as one of the basic feelings - performs very important tasks.

In hatred, mobilization takes place, the gathering of all forces - in conditions of overwhelming danger. The head is cold, the face turns pale, the lips are compressed into a thread, the eyes squint predatoryly. All other feelings seem to be frozen, inside it is like a lump of ice and a cold calculation - there is only a goal - to highlight the options and eliminate, destroy the danger.

In contrast to rage, which boils and rages, splashes and scatters - hatred is a coiled, compressed feeling. And it manifests itself in a very dosed and prudent manner - strictly on the result.

The basis for the emergence of hatred is the presence next to a very terrible destructive object - and the desire to protect oneself, to fight back. Well, since the threat is perceived as deadly, killing (not necessarily in a real physical sense, possibly killing something in the soul, in the inner world), then the desire to fight back is so strong that it takes into account how much damage can be caused - impossible. The essence of hatred is the desire to destroy the object of danger - at any cost. And, as a legitimate part of hatred, this feeling also contains the anticipation of pleasure and relief that will arise when the danger is removed. And the experience of his triumph - from the fact that he was able to protect himself, his space. Victory on the energy of hatred carries a tremendous charge of confidence and strength, but at the same time, feelings of bitterness and grief arise, associated with accepting the price that had to be paid for this victory.

hate2
hate2

The ability to feel and not suppress hatred is largely related to the ability to withstand and accept this price, withstand and accept grief, feelings of loss, final separation, irreversibility, loss. And recover from this, and find yourself. The ability to feel hatred opens up the opportunity to reject. Rejecting relationships or people that do not suit you, rejecting work that sucks in too much, rejecting what is toxic, unacceptable, destructive The ability to feel hatred - and act on its energy - is the most important vital skill - and the psychological safety of the personality depends on it. Normally, hatred is a colossal pushing force that allows one to isolate oneself, oneself, one's "I" from a destructive situation. And this reveals its healing, healing potential. But being perverted - under the influence of various circumstances - hatred begins to work differently. Not as a pushing away, but, on the contrary, as a fastening, binding force.

hate1
hate1

It seems to me that this "coup" of hatred is based on the impossibility or unwillingness to pay the price of sorrow and grief. The inability to abandon a dangerous destructive object, which is simultaneously perceived as necessary for survival, very desirable. Or, another option, when the hated object begins to seem so huge and powerful that one's own struggle against it is seen as hopeless, and the return of response and revenge is destructive. Then hatred is perceived as a very dangerous feeling. Threatening to destroy one's own self along with the hated object. And suppressed.

The degree of this suppression can be different. Perhaps a person restrains only his most dangerous impulses - so as not to destroy the object of hatred that is vital for him - and preserves it for acting out sadistic desires, giving the desired experiences of his strength and power. In this case, hatred can be combined with a kind of concern for the object of hatred. Perhaps, together with hatred, all aggressive desires are rammed in general - and this is one of the ways of forming a masochistic personality. And then the source of satisfaction, self-respect and pride becomes a feeling of moral superiority over the object of hatred, which again becomes necessary for gaining this experience.

In both of these cases, the experience of hatred (usually unconscious) becomes necessary for a "full" existence, as if it is embedded in the personality, becomes a complex, complex formation of character, a part of identity. And then, paradoxically, the rejection of a relationship charged with hatred is internally perceived as a kind of mental death, the loss of a part of one's "I". And the need to throw out this hatred is transformed into the need to destroy - yourself or those who are around.

Hatred itself, with its tremendous energy, becomes a holding force in a pathological situation. Unmanifest, suppressed, distorted - it breaks through at those moments when the level of tension goes off scale, and after it heavy experiences of guilt, its own toxicity and destructiveness drag on. The despair of powerlessness and hopelessness is tightly linked to the inner impossibility of changing the situation, abandoning hate-saturated relationships, and accepting and experiencing the loss and loss of what was valuable in them.

Working with this is long and difficult. But it’s quite real. The decisive role here is played by the therapist's willingness to take the blow of the client's hatred, to withstand it - not moving away, and not withdrawing. Explore and unpack the suppressed. Take on the poison of long-term deposits of hatred - and not get poisoned. To give a legal, legal status to repressed feelings, to allow them to flow freely, to bring the client to the awareness of the triumph and joy that he experiences, directly or indirectly acting out this hatred. Well, then - the next stage begins - work with the ability to survive the loss. Facing loss and grief. Refusal. And, if this happens, if through the energy of hatred it is possible to untie the knot of pathological ties, if the client decides to live with grief and that feeling of mental death that lives inside grief, then opportunities open up for restructuring the personality and character. And a way out of the impasse opens. And hatred - realized and lived - becomes one of the guides to this exit.

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