How Does Fear Arise And What To Do With It?

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

Are you afraid of anything? Are you living to the fullest? Or are you avoiding something? Fear of something is a very "personal" thing. He may seem incomprehensible to others, but for the person himself he is absolutely real and not at all funny.

But, on the other hand, fear is always an opportunity for growth. In this post, I want to talk about the cognitive-behavioral therapy model, how fear arises and is maintained, and how it works to stop avoiding something.

Getting rid of your own fear is one of the most daring things to do. But this does not mean that it is necessary to rush to something scary "right off the bat." Everything in life can be done gradually.

How fears arise: What happened once will not necessarily happen again.

Once in life, something can scare a person, for example, he can feel bad in an elevator or at a height: he can lose his balance and almost fall. After a frightened event, usually a person prefers to avoid those places in which he became afraid. And this is a perfectly normal, adaptive strategy to avoid danger. Avoidance can be both mental - distraction, do something else, watch a movie, and behavioral - get away from a frightening object, situation, prefer not to try to do something. Thus, the "area of activity" can gradually decrease. If there is a generalization of frightening situations, then, for example, initially being afraid of suffocating in the elevator, a person begins to avoid all at least somewhat tight spaces.

How fears are maintained: by avoiding something, we learn to avoid

To get rid of the fear, it is enough to take a ride in the elevator again and see that it is not dangerous. But often, instead of facing fear, a person chooses to avoid it. Avoiding the fearful object reduces the level of anxiety and is thus positively reinforced. That is, this behavior is self-rewarding and the next time the person uses it again to cope with fear. In this case, we cannot understand, feel, see that in fact, for example, confined spaces are not dangerous - after all, we avoid them and there is no overestimation. Thus, avoidance only sustains, reinforces fear.

It turns out a circle that generates an increase in fear:

How to get rid of fear - to face it

Now let's move on to the conditionally second part - how to get rid of fear and not experience restrictions. To get rid of fear, you need to meet with him. Only after that there is an "understanding" at the level of feelings that some object is not terrible, and the anxiety goes away. Thus, the circle described above is broken.

But, again, this does not mean that you should immediately do what terrifies you.

If you are afraid of spiders, do not rush directly into the spider pool.

In psychotherapy, the gradual presentation of a frightening stimulus is used. The easiest way to describe this is with the example of arachnophobia - the fear of spiders. First, the "ladder" is developed - from the most frightening, associated with spiders, to the least frightening. The most frightening thing is most likely contact with a spider. Anxiety in this case can be prohibitive for a person, he can lose control over himself. Therefore, the meeting with the fear of spiders should not be started from this “step”. Dealing with fear should start with a rung where you can control yourself while experiencing moderate levels of anxiety. The content of the steps is individual for everyone. The first step might be the thought of a spider. Or maybe his image. In the case of metrophobia, the first step may be to put on a coat with the thought of going downstairs. The next one is the approach to the metro entrance.

But in any case, at each step, you need to stop for a while and not demand the impossible from yourself. If you are intimidated by the image of a spider, do not rush to pick it up and kiss. So, develop your ladder from the required number of steps. And if the first is an image of a spider, take a closer look at it. Over time, you will feel that the anxiety goes away. And you are able to move on - the image has ceased to scare you. But don't be in a hurry! You better pause. For a day or two, as much as you feel what you need. Then carefully step onto the next step. And if you feel too uncomfortable, go back down. It is better to gain a foothold on one step than to "headlong" jerk up and fall. When you're comfortable on the next step - for example, when watching a video of spiders, take the next step, for example, play with a toy spider (of course, if this is more intimidating to you than the video - remember, the ladder is very personal).

Find support and build a resource.

For the next steps, you can ask someone close to accompany you. You will be calmer. Over time, you can do without them, but first they will help you. So, when getting rid of metrophobia, the therapist or a loved one first constantly accompanies the client. Then he goes in another car, then in another train. And over time, the client himself begins to ride the subway, getting rid of his fear.

Dealing with fears or something that is limiting requires resources - something that will help you stay calm in a frightening situation. In psychotherapy, the meeting with fear is preceded by the work of accumulating the necessary resources. The main thing that I wanted to tell you is: it is not always necessary to rush headlong into something that frightens you, everything can be done gradually.

Let go of your fears with small steps and remember to reward yourself for doing them, working with fear is a tremendous achievement.