Life Trying To Avoid Pain

Video: Life Trying To Avoid Pain

Video: Life Trying To Avoid Pain
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Life Trying To Avoid Pain
Life Trying To Avoid Pain
Anonim

Lyudmila Petranovskaya, in her article "Traumas of Generations", very clearly described the influence of the conditions in which a person lives on relationships with her loved ones and, in particular, children. They, as a generation, grow up with certain developmental imbalances due to psychological deficits in parental figures. We can say that the countries of the post-Soviet space are the countries of traumatics. The history of the totalitarian system in which our grandmothers and great-grandmothers lived is reflected in our parents, us and our children.

People come to a psychotherapist in order to get rid of problems that they cannot get rid of on their own. And for many it becomes a discovery that the help of a psychotherapist is not to say how to get rid of problems after all, but to help them look at their experience from that angle and with those eyes that the client does not yet have. To see something new and not always pleasant, but something that will help you find a new way to solve problems. And here the most unpleasant thing for the client is the realization that he will still have to work. Make an effort to notice things that are not usually seen. To meet with different experiences about what he saw. Make new decisions. Again, face to face to face their difficulties, finding new approaches to them in therapy.

The big problem for traumatics is magical thinking and belief in a miracle, which, no matter how difficult it is, must necessarily happen, you just have to wait enough. In therapy, people have to notice these patterns of their behavior and thinking, which turn them into a kind of ostriches burying their heads in the sand (into salutary illusions). Illusions, by the way, are, on the one hand, a pleasant thing in that they perform the function of anesthesia, relieving pain. On the other hand, illusions in the long run destructively sever our connection with reality. Chronic processes are launched, when the solution of the "problem" is postponed for years. Like a rubber band stretched to the limit, bursting at some point, and flying into the face of the one who holds it, illusions are usually shattered into smithereens at the most inopportune moment. And the nasty, rough reality hurts and inevitably hits the one who ran away from it for a long time.

A traumatic therapist can be perceived by him for a long time as the same last hope for a miracle. Maybe at least he will still save the unfortunate, teach life, give advice on all occasions, or simply by his presence he will disperse the clouds with his hands. As long as this hope is alive, the person rather does not work in therapy, but waits for a miracle, begs for salvation, requires care. Until the last, refusing to believe that no one but himself can save him.

In such a situation, any therapist one day becomes the figure who again did not save, did not perform a miracle. The ostrich, looking out of the sand, begins to be indignant: after all, what a damn time (!), Hopes are shattered, and the miracle has forgotten to happen. You can even change therapists for a while, hoping that this one did not save due to lack of competence, and there will definitely be someone better. But the sooner a person realizes that illusions hinder him rather than help him, and that those fear and pain that do not allow him to live in peace, simply need to be met face to face, the sooner he accepts a very important given and the condition of a productive client-therapeutic relationship. It concerns the adequate distribution of responsibility between the client and the therapist: the therapist can only share the client's experience, help to understand and experience it, to make it bearable. He can become that “other”, with whom you can experience everything that you could not cope with once alone. And only by having the courage to face his nightmares, and going through them, the client can free himself from them.

No one instead of you, not your therapist, not your husband, not your girlfriend, not your mother, no one can do this for you. You are the only real magician, the miracle that can happen to you.

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