2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
The complexes grow at the place of the “breakdown” of the self. Each complex also presupposes a certain way of filling the self. These complexes are as follows: self-abasement, martyrdom, sadistic inclinations, narcissism and an insatiable thirst for love
One way to create distorted relationships is to use other people as a mirror to reflect the image of an extraordinary person. The partner in such a relationship is called upon to express admiration and love, to satisfy all desires, to seek disposition on a daily basis and, if successful, to experience happiness. The responsibility for their own well-being is shifted onto the partner.
Being a “mirror” and not responding in accordance with expectations with a phrase from a well-known fairy tale, the partner can be abandoned. But, on the other hand, the need to see your Ideal Self in the reflection forces a person with a complex of narcissism to correspond … to their own superviews from themselves and to achieve by all possible means the vital answer of the “mirror”: “You, of course, are the loveliest, most beautiful and smarter of all”. As a rule, such narcissists are people who lived in overprotective care of parents who considered themselves caring and loving, but in fact used the child to satisfy their needs (usually unconsciously). Their measure of upbringing was overprotectiveness, but at the same time the child also felt the high demands placed on him. If parents from childhood warned the slightest desires of their child, so that he did not even have time to wish something properly, later he no longer really understands what he really wants, and what is the desire of his parents. The child was given so much that he did not feel any joy from all that was given to him.
Moreover, he realized: all this is not just that, all this is a contribution to his future achievements, which means that his debt to his parents is steadily growing. The child has not learned to overcome difficulties and independently bring the matter to the end. Shielding their child from wrong steps and pangs of doubt, parents made decisions for the child. They foresaw everything and paved the way for the child in advance to achieve the intended result. Therefore, such an overprotected child, growing up, never learned to choose, decide, accept responsibility, and overcome difficulties. Finding himself in a situation of choice, already as an adult, he experiences indecision and helplessness. He can only live in conditions of endless support, praise and admiration.
The relationship of love and partnership is extremely difficult for such a person. First of all, for him to be loved means again to meet high expectations, to hide his imperfection and a feeling of deep insignificance in comparison with the image that he should present to others. Since the former "overloved" child does not know his needs well, is passive, unsure of himself, is not used to taking responsibility for his actions, making serious life decisions, then a person is needed who will take on this burden. In addition, he is not used to actively drawing attention to himself and communicating his desires. The people around them should notice him, independently guess what he wants, and do everything possible to make their relationship work out. On the other hand, narcissists are trained to meet the expectations of loved ones. Therefore, as soon as they begin to have partnerships, they begin to strive to look "good" in the eyes of their partner, hiding true feelings and demonstrate their achievements and skills to the partner.as if convincing that he chose a quality "product". The partner is expected to take on the function of a "magic mirror". The narcissist tries not only not to notice the negative manifestations of the partner, but also to supplant his own feelings, which arise as a reaction to a destructive relationship. This, in turn, has a devastating effect on the health of the narcissist.
Parental messages that can lead to narcissism:
"You are an unusual child, and therefore you have to achieve a lot."
"You are an extraordinary child and, of course, better than the other children who surround you."
"You shouldn't make yourself too difficult, you should always count on my help."
“You don't have to worry about anything. I will surround you with such care that you will not have to experience any inconvenience."
“You are the most important thing in my life. Everything that I have, I will give you, if only you feel good"
"Whatever you do, I will always help you and do everything that gives you too much difficulty."
"The world is too dirty and dangerous, and you need protection from it."
"You can truly rely only on your parents who love you."
"You always have to look good in the eyes of other people, no matter what happens."
"You should be what I dream of seeing you and what I once could not become"
"You must become such that I can be proud of you in front of other people"
“Ordinary people are unworthy of you. You deserve the love of only extraordinary people who have proven their originality"
"You must achieve success and show everyone that you are an extraordinary person."
Conclusions of the child:
- “I have to look good, smart, talented and successful”
“In fact, I don’t feel the way they want to see me. But I have to live up to expectations, so I will pretend."
- "I have to look so that my parents are not disappointed in me"
-"I do not know what I want"
- "Anything I want, I must have"
"The less initiative I am, the less likely I am to make a mistake, and the less likely everyone is to find out that I am not perfect at all."
- "When I am loved, I cannot be myself, but must meet the expectations of the lover."
- "If nobody praises me, it means that they guessed that I am not perfect at all."
- "I have to experience only the right feelings so that they can see that I am really good."
“Sometimes I have bad feelings. If I show them, they may be disappointed in me. You have to hide your feelings"
- “A good person is one who achieves something. I must reach the top"
- "It doesn't matter in what way success is achieved, the main thing is that everyone sees my achievements"
- "You don't have to achieve too much success, because later they will expect even greater achievements from me, and I will not be able to live up to the expectations."
Results:
Low self-esteem
High anxiety
tendency to depression (with smoothed, not pronounced symptoms)
Apathy, lack of initiative
Compensatory arrogance
Fear of failure
Fear of success
The need to be always right
Difficulty making decisions
Detachment from your own feelings
Need for Continuous Admiration and Support
Fear of intimacy
Fear of being rejected and abandoned
Dependence on the opinions of others
Recommended:
Psychological Portrait Of The Client "Housewife In A Midlife Crisis"
Woman, 40-50 years old. Children - adults, adolescents. The spouse is a successful businessman and manager. Financially dependent on her husband, housewife (or rather, the mistress of the house), mother. A brief description of. What and how does she live All life is around the husband, the main value is the family.
Portrait Of A Man With An Insatiable Lust For Love
What is the difference between a normal need for love and a neurotic one? K. Horney lists several features. 1. Obsessive character With a neurotic need, a person cannot live without receiving evidence of love 2. Inability to be alone, fear of loneliness So, a wife can call her husband at work several times a day, discussing insignificant issues with him and demanding attention.
"I Am An Unloved Child " Collective Portrait
I am the unloved child of unloving parents. I am a man. Or a woman. I am a middle manager. Or an experienced accountant. A talented chef. Or a successful CEO. I am 30. Or 18. Or 50. It doesn't matter. Yes, I grew up, but whoever I become and no matter how old I am, deep inside I remain a child, unloved and hungry for love.
Abandoned Man Complex
Article author: Slava Smelovsky Whatever one may say, but one part of our experiences revolves around trust and distrust (schizoid character), and the other - around caring and losing this concern. How does the inner world of an abandoned person work?
"Healer". Associative Portrait. A Heroic Tale For The Young Man Daniel
This tale was written within the framework of the new creative project “Associative portrait. Through the eyes of a psychologist, artist, musician. " The psychologist in this case reflects the heroine (hero) through a parable, associative tale.