2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
Why can't I make money, while others do?
Why can't I get married, while others do?
Why can't I not yell at children, and others …
Why can't I quit my job …
Why is it impossible to demand a salary …
Why can't I graduate … I can't get good sex … I can't get a short (long) urgent relationship … I can't be in a relationship with one person (and not in a love triangle) … I can't live separately from my parents … I can't be friends with my parents … I can't it turns out to always love children … it doesn’t work to be perfect (s) … it doesn’t work to do a business easily.. it doesn’t work to do exercises in the morning … it doesn’t work to lose weight … it doesn’t work not to suffer after parting … it doesn’t work to build boundaries with … it turns out to never get angry and always be calm? !!.. But someone succeeds!
I hear this in my office many times every day.
This question (“Why doesn't it work?”) Does not require an answer. This is an expression of pain, resentment and envy towards those who live, ostensibly, easily. Much easier than for someone who “doesn’t succeed”.
Probably, somewhere in the depths of the soul, many have a hope that what a person wants - he can get, moreover - easily, without straining. And if it is difficult, then it is necessary, as in childhood, to go to a parent and say resentfully: "Why does Petya have a typewriter, but I do not?" What will the average parent say? Maybe he will silently run to buy. Maybe he will strictly say: "So Petya deserves it, and you, Vasya, still have to try!" And then Vasya will, as best he can, try to earn something from life. But something does not become easier and no one gives out "buns" for merits. Of course it's a shame.
And in this children's mise-en-scène about Vasya there is one most curious moment. The fact is that what is required of Vasya - for example, obedience - has nothing to do with getting a typewriter. Indirectly related: i.e. the parent knows that Vasya wants a car and assigns it a reward for performing some actions. But in Vasya's head, the idea is firmly established that the fulfillment of a desire is somehow connected with obedience.
But in life, it's the opposite!
Let's take the very first question from the list: "Why can't you make money?"
That is - a person does something. And something doesn't work out for him.
It is logical to find out - what exactly does it do? What, in fact, should turn out, what action should lead to a real result? And, oh, in 95 cases out of 100, it turns out that a person is someone obeys diligently … Chief. Parents. "Ancestral voice", frightening death from hunger. Spouse. Etc. And this obedience should bear the desired results. Not labor, not effort, but obedience!
Etc. - continue for yourself.
And Vasya is looking for someone who else could be obeyed, and this "someone" would lead him through life by the hand …
In general, the main thing is to find someone whom you can obey and everything will work out right away! And improve, and stay in a relationship, and do exercises … under his vigilant control, supervision, advice. But where is this fabulous "guide through life"?.. Somehow no one is eager to play this seductive role in the life of a single adult …
If you are already “big and don’t believe in fairy tales”, and you still “cannot” - it's time to ask yourself a question: what specific actions do I do to make it work for me? What specific actions am I failing to do?
With a high degree of probability, it turns out that all the actions that you do, you are just fine. They just do not lead you to your goal, because, - banally - they have nothing to do with it!
· Even for super-diligent work, you will not be paid an order of magnitude more. But if you take on an additional layer of responsibility - and even manage to cope - that's a different story!..
In other words, we need a New Plan - in fact, those actions that will lead to the desired goal. The new Plan will not be universal - it will be unique and only yours. To create it, you will have to get to know yourself better, deal with your resources, capabilities and limitations. Then, of course, it turns out that you don’t know something, don’t know how, and in general it’s scary to change something, and it would be nice if someone would suggest.. and you would obeyed …))) In general, there are many traps of "obedience" on the way. We'll have to watch. How to get help in this matter, is it possible? Yes, it is possible. For example, in creating a "New Plan" I can help - right here in the comments, asking helpful questions. But you will have to look for the answers yourself.
Perhaps, I have everything for today … And I, as usual, do not pretend to be complete coverage of the issue and the ultimate truth.
Oh yes. by the way … Have you guessed that there are those "others" who have "everything is easy"? Actually, their actions are directly related to the results. And the impression of ease comes from the fact that they do not rely on obedience - they listen to themselves and do what they see fit - without internal protest, i.e. - easily. Even if it is difficult for them. And it is difficult for everyone. At least because “the universe was created without taking into account the desire for comfort for people” (C).
Thank you for your attention.
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