Midlife Crisis: The Rebellion Of The 40s

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

Where is happiness? What to do next, and most importantly: why?

An adult, an accomplished person in the prime of life, quite successful, in the opinion of others, suddenly falls into depression for no reason, or quits a prestigious job, or leaves a prosperous family, or abruptly changes direction of activity, etc.

In short, he does absolutely unpredictable, illogical actions. And, as a rule, neither relatives, nor friends, nor colleagues, nor … often he himself is able to understand him - unless those who have already gone through this … And, of course, a psychologist.

This is a midlife crisis, or, as it is often called, a midlife crisis. A somewhat hackneyed quote from Dante Alighieri's Divine Comedy: “Halfway through the earthly life / I found myself in a gloomy forest …” - nevertheless, it quite accurately reflects the inner state of a person who has entered the age of 35-45.

SYMPTOMS

Often a crisis is accompanied by depression, a feeling of depression, emptiness. It seems to a person that he has fallen into the trap of a career or marriage. The stability, material and family well-being achieved by this age, suddenly lose their significance. There is a feeling of unfairness in life, he is sure that he deserves more. He is seized by a feeling of dissatisfaction and a desire for something unknown. Work is perceived as routine, marital relations have lost their former passion, children have grown up and prefer to live their own lives, and the circle of friendships has narrowed over the years, and it itself has acquired a shade of monotony.

It should be noted that, unlike professional or creative crises, here, from the point of view of others, problems arise “from scratch”. In a person during a midlife crisis, the circle of reference persons, value orientations, tastes and preferences often change. The crisis that is going through becomes unpredictable even for oneself. “A gray hair in a beard, a devil in a rib”, “At 40, life is just beginning”, “45 - a woman is a berry again” … The people around them do not understand what is happening: it seems to them that they have a completely different person in front of them. On the contrary, he believes that everything around him has changed, therefore he himself changes his attitude towards them.

AGE

In America, the phenomenon we are describing is usually designated as a “rebellion of the forties”, although it can “cover” at 37, 46, and even 50 years. Everything is individual. As a rule, women at the age of thirty-five and men at forty begin to experience a mid-life crisis. Precisely "begin", since it lasts more than one year and can drag on for a whole decade.

This is one of the most dramatic periods in the life of an adult. Perhaps the midlife crisis is the most serious and significant of those that we go through during our life. In terms of the intensity of experiences and the force of impact on a person, he is comparable to that of a teenager. And by the way, both crises have something in common with each other not only in this.

CAUSES

Unsolved problems of adolescence, "calmed down" for a while and, it would seem, have long been in the past, it is during this period that they fall on a person again. Much of the "riots" of 40-year-olds are nothing more than echoes of unfinished teenage rebellion. If a teenager at one time could not completely free himself from the influence of his parents, to rebel against the way of life imposed by them, then in middle age he suddenly realizes that he still lives and acts according to other people's rules, and it is time, as they say, “sing in your own voice."

Hence - the natural desire to find yourself, your own path. A midlife crisis always implies a global and final (up to the transition to maturity, retirement age) reassessment of values, because its other name is identity crisis.

However, a midlife crisis is also overtaking those who managed to get rid of adolescent complexes in time. There are several reasons for this, here are the main ones:

First, oddly enough, success. By this age, people, in general, achieve a lot in the professional sphere, achieve a certain career status. And then a person has reasonable questions: What next? Where to go? If this is the top, then now only down, "down the hill"? Or: How to stay on top if the youth is already pressing behind them? What to do? Change direction? Can I? Will you have enough strength? Will I be in time? Etc.

Secondly, natural physiological changes occur, in other words, a person begins to age. Appearance changes, strength becomes less, sexual attractiveness decreases. It is psychologically very difficult to accept this, especially in a society where the cult of youth and impeccable beauty is being promoted.

Third, the social role of a person is also changing. At home, he turns from a child into a parent, at work from a young specialist to an experienced mentor. Some by this time, alas, have already lost their father or mother, many of the parents are getting old, in need of care and help. However, not everyone is ready for such a cardinal reversal of roles, for a situation where you have to rely only on your own strength, to take full responsibility not only for yourself, but also for other people.

In the end, comes the realization of the transience and finiteness of life. A person realizes that “the world no longer provides a loan for his future,” and much is no longer feasible.

DANGERS

In these circumstances, both the depressive position: “everything is terrible”, “it is pointless to change anything”, “it is necessary to survive somehow”, threatening with self-pity, despair, a sense of a dead end, and “ostrich” optimism are equally dangerous: “everything is fine "," Nothing has changed "," I am young (s) ", forcing a person to live with illusions, preventing him from seeing and accepting reality, cutting off the path to development. Equally dangerous and destructive is the revolutionary option - through the devaluation of what has been achieved, unjustified risk, a sharp and thoughtless change in everything that surrounds: family, work, place of residence, which is most often nothing more than self-deception. Because "radical external changes in the absence of internal ones are just an illusion of a solution," you cannot run away from yourself.

“The midlife crisis can easily become a springboard for a new takeoff, the so-called second peak of vital activity. - According to the psychologist Marina Melia. - He contributed to the formation of many great people …

However, it is not necessary to radically change your life - you can continue to follow the same path. But at the same time, to evaluate the past years, to understand what we need and what not, and, most importantly, to accept our previous path, but already consciously, and continue to increase quantitatively what has been achieved. Strive not only to add years to life, but also life to years.

It is very important to survive this crisis, to conduct a kind of life audit, because if we push aside this problem and do not begin to solve it, then at the end of our life we may be overtaken by the most terrible crisis prepared for a person - the crisis of the end of life. Think about why some old people are smiling, wise, kind, while others are evil, criticizing, hating everything and everyone? The fact is that the first accepted their life, and the second did not, because they lived a life imposed, someone else's, and this is impossible to accept. After all, accepting your life path means accepting yourself as you were and are, your psychological environment, and much more. And if at the end of life almost nothing can be changed, then in the middle of life there is always such an opportunity. Therefore, this is our main chance in life, which is important to use."

It all depends on how much a person is ready to understand and accept their problems, to honestly look into the eyes of reality, no matter how frightening it may be, whether he is capable of changes - both in life and in himself - and, most importantly, whether he is ready to invest into these changes. If a person does not draw any conclusions during a crisis, it means that he is not growing up.

HOW IT HAPPENS

Life is cyclical.

A small man, in love with his parents, trusts them infinitely and writes his life from them, imitating, obeying, listening, resisting:

They are greeted by their clothes, seen off by their minds

I understood - I will learn, I will become smart

what a fine fellow you are: you work so hard, become great, make a lot of money - and you will have everything

I understood: now you need to forget about football and fun - study and work - then everything will be

no, we will not buy you a bike - you finished the quarter badly

got it! Well, it is not necessary! I will grow up, I will earn it myself, and I will be happy!

An older man tries to understand what he is like without parents: “I myself! Yah you! I'll do better! You do not understand!"

Growing up, he understands that independence needs to be earned and gets on the rails already prepared by parents and society: "to study, work, marry, earn money, give birth to children, gain authority … - and I will have everything." … He studies, gain experience, marries, works, gives birth to children, takes his place in society and … the rails end: what to do next is not clear, but happiness … By the way, it should have already been here! Where is happiness? Why do I do so much for them, and they only care about themselves? Why am I so tired? Why am I dissatisfied and cannot rejoice? What to do next, and most importantly: why?

As a rule, even before these questions appear, vague anxiety grows, a nagging feeling of dissatisfaction with life, relationships and oneself, an awareness of hopelessness, irritability appears. All of this often ends in severe depression. A person begins to rush in search of a way out and “promised happiness”. New hobbies appear. A person is desperately trying to change his life: to return the lost youthful joy and serenity. "Who said that you can't enter the same river twice?" Now I have earned and can buy myself roller skates, jeans and a bandana - ITSELF !!! And I can pierce my ears! And also, what model will refuse to have dinner with me and not only ?! And also … Hurray-ah-ah-ah !!! Only now … why is all this so excruciatingly sad and so insipid?

It is worth mentioning here that the “midlife crisis,” and this is what we are talking about, happens to both men (35-45 years old) and women (30-40 years old), although men get it more often. An important risk factor is a pronounced focus on achievement, from which is expected not only and not so much financial well-being, but also love and happiness. But the latter is more likely the result of attention to oneself and to people, reflections, relationships, love, for which most often there is not enough time for people who are convinced that their work is everything. Another danger is preoccupation with one's physical form, appearance, health. In this case, the main fear: to lose youth, beauty, and with them the love of others and the pleasure of life.

WHAT TO DO?

Prevention is most effective and obvious. It is very important to strive to maintain balance in your life:

1. Attention and care for your body will allow you to keep your strength for a longer time and treat with tender trepidation an aging body, respect it and be proud of it

2. Constant active and open participation in relationships with your family, with friends, colleagues and just random guests of your life, recognition and respect for their independence from you will inevitably teach you to love and enjoy them. With this attitude of yours, you will confidently receive your "dose" of love and care;

3. Planning life and achievements aimed primarily at exploring your potential, developing one's skills and using them for the benefit of people will bring not only constant satisfaction and a sense of development, not subject to any crises, but also prosperity and financial stability;

4. Constant attention to your dreams, fantasies, values and beliefs will provide you with an accurate reference point, even when the tracks your parents laid down run out. The dream will always be your guiding star, and its achievement will open more and more doors in front of you.

If a crisis has already happened in your life, then all the recipes are about the same, because it is foolish to hope that those areas of your life that you have not dealt with for a long time will develop and fill by themselves. It is important to understand that it is rather difficult to do this on your own, for the reason that you may have forgotten how to build relationships, rejoice and dream. In this case, it is cheaper (in every sense) to turn to a specialist, and not to pretend to be strong and self-sufficient (you have already done this before and the result is familiar to you).

What can you fuck with this?

It's a wonderful age! It's harvest time! You really deserve the right and privilege to build your life the way you want. And you really shouldn't put it off until tomorrow. You know exactly what you want and are ready to pay for it with your time and effort. You live and you like it. You help others, because you get pleasure, watching them just go to this valley of ripe abundance, or as with tenderness watching you, who is at the height of human wisdom. You generously share your fruits with those who for some reason could not enjoy this paradise. You look to the future with confidence, because you understand how everything works, you know how to use it and you know that it is impossible to lose this only in life.