2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
- He was not what I thought! I saw his true face, he really is awesome!
Does the rhetoric sound familiar? It can be heard in both female and male performances. A lot of divorces happen just in the process of exchanging such relations. And people do not realize that only a couple of steps separates them from true, real, sincere love, they break off relations literally at the threshold of human paradise.
A person in a relationship with any other person goes through the same stages, here they are
STAGE 1. IDEALIZATION
I saw, fascinated, everything! I love it, I will buy a tram. Everything in a person is beautiful - the soul, the body, the mind, and the silky hair, well, it happens!
The idealization stage is a bit like the infantile perception of the world. Wide open, enthusiastic eyes. Everything is so new, extraordinary, magical. At this stage, we finish drawing in our favorite object that which we haven’t even seen yet. And we are delighted, we are delighted.
STAGE 2. ANGER
The first encounter with reality, when our adored object did not fit into the ideal image we created. At this stage, the person's first complaints and anger mature and accumulate. They begin to sort things out, trying to drive their beloved into the framework of the ideal. And he resists and tries to drive us into his own framework. In short, there is a grinding in of characters. With a creak, but it goes.
STAGE 3. DISAPPOINTMENT
This is when the claims have accumulated enough for anger to pour over the edge. The object does not fit into the ideal image at all; it turns out that this is not the portrait that we painted in our hearts. And we are disappointed. Disappointment is accompanied by pain, melancholy and, in general, some even suffering.
Nobody makes any claims, well, except occasionally, in homeopathic doses, as a burst of last hope that the stage of idealization can still return. We do not yet know that this stage is the true beginning of love.
STAGE 4. CARE
The most difficult stage. A person needs to digest his frustration. Accept it, make the final decision. A lot of couples file for divorce at this stage. And it is very correct that they are not bred immediately, but they give time for reflection. Or rather, at the living stage of leaving (although, of course, no one talks about this). There is also an internal withdrawal, when people do not immediately run to the registry office with applications for divorce, but simply stop communicating for a while or get off in conversations with each other with simple phrases.
This is the stage of loneliness and silence, concentration and growing up, but not everyone is able to withstand it. Someone goes to the side, starts a support group: it can be just girlfriends, friends, free ears, or a "vest" with a sexy touch. Some lovers of married men complain that he comes to her to tell about his wife. Yes, he uses you instead of a psychologist, dear, so that it is not so scary to experience a collision with reality. Little boys in such situations cling to their mother's skirt, and big frightened boys cling to the first one they come across (but it is desirable that its owner be prettier).
STEP 5. ACCEPTANCE
This is the stage when, internally, we accept the situation and allow the person to be real as he is. So be it, I won't force you to be a kind Barbie doll or a polite Superman. This is permission to be alive, this is attention to a loved one, a transition from black-and-white territory, where there is only bad and good, to a colored territory, where relationships have a lot of shades. When you do not adjust your beloved to your ideas, but try to get to know him, you are interested in him in any form, and you love, empathize, support, argue in advance, but do not evaluate. Acceptance is the beginning of an adult relationship, a way out of childhood.
STAGE 6. WISDOM
The stage at which you begin to know the true joy of being close to your loved one. Oh yes, at this stage, a loved one becomes a loved one, a soul mate. At this stage, you know the person's shortcomings and his merits, and you know in which direction he is developing, and you help him. Or you don’t help. At this stage, they can quarrel and even swear a lot, but these skirmishes never lead to a break. Steam was released, the day after tomorrow everything is calm again. However, at this stage, each couple is already forming their own personal unique dynamics of relations, their own character and their own rules, with which both agree.
STAGE 7. LOVE
And only now you can truly call your loved one Beloved. As they say, a pood of salt has been eaten, all the battles are over. At the stage of mature love, nothing can shake a couple, and on such couples the world is held.
Originally from childhood
Not all couples go through these stages, they get stuck on any one. Let's say at the stage of anger. And in no way will they even get to the stage of disappointment, because they are scared, it seems to them that they will not survive the subsequent disappointment. It's easier to fall back into idealization again, trying to match the ideal invented by your partner, and again get angry with each other, than to be completely disappointed.
It's just that people do not want to go forward, it is easier for them to remain at the childish level, to break off relations at the first or second stage. And fly at full speed into a new idealization: “Ah, my new love! What an extraordinary woman / man! I'm crazy about her / him, I'm crazy!"
Psychologists have a hypothesis why this happens, why people, instead of healthy movement forward, prefer neurotic running in a circle. At the heart of everything (you guessed it) is the relationship with the parents.
Let's say one guy in a relationship with his mom is stuck in the idealization stage. For him, mom is a saint. And that's all, he doesn't even really get into relationships with girls. His novels, if they happen, are only up to the point when she looks perfect. Should she yawn not quite aesthetically, sneeze, say a rude word. However, any neurotic has his own fad, after which she becomes completely uninteresting to him. He's not even mad at her. Not ideal - everything, deleted from the contact list. Send another dream fairy to look for. And so - in a circle.
Sometimes it is enough to determine at what stage a person is stuck, and it is already possible to close up with an oracle, to predict his entire fate for at least six months. Unless he turns on willpower and wants to break this vicious circle. The will of man is capable of anything.
Well, who does not want, happy idealization for him.
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