SEXUAL DISORDERS IN WOMEN. PSYCHOLOGICAL ASPECT

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

Sexual Disgust and Lack of Sexual Satisfaction are not lines from a tearful lady's novel. These are the official diagnoses from the ICD-10 Classification of Mental and Behavioral Disorders. But, our women are very patient, and therefore, for the most part, faced with such phenomena as frigidity, fear of sex, lack of orgasm and other sexual disorders, they tend to consider themselves "inferior" and therefore simply do not turn to a sexologist for professional help. But in vain.

In this article, I summarized my many years of experience and, bringing it to your attention, dear ladies, I want to convey to you one very common idea: sexual disorders of a psychogenic nature are what is being treated, therefore, do not deprive yourself of the pleasure of a full-fledged sexual life!

First of all, I want to note that one cannot do with "pills" here, because the reason is in ourselves.

The well-known expression that “we all come from childhood” very clearly explains what happens to a person during his life.

In the first 6-7 years of a child's life, a so-called life scenario is formed. This is a kind of set of norms, rules, attitudes, beliefs that a child, like a sponge, absorbs from the world around him. And then, in the process of life, it goes, "following" this scenario, and the events that accompany the person confirm this scenario.

For example, the father left the family when the girl was very young. Her mother is trying to somehow arrange her personal life, but everything is unsuccessful. For some reason, "the wrong men" come across. The mother, being offended by the entire male population, “infects” her daughter with this offense, forming, unwittingly, pathological attitudes such as “you cannot trust the peasants,” “they will leave you anyway,” and so on. And the girl, having entered adulthood with such convictions, with the psychology of a "thrown", honestly unconsciously begins to "attract" to choose exactly those unworthy men, thereby confirming her script attitudes, perceived from her mother.

The most unpleasant thing about this is that such "rake", which our girl steps on, contribute to the confirmation of the widespread stereotype that "all men are the same."

Equally, what I am talking about applies not only to women, but also to men. But, I will talk about this in another article, and now we have a "ladies" theme.

Symptoms of sexual dysfunctions, like any other bodily "signs", carry important information. And therefore, it is important, first of all, to understand yourself, in your relationships with men, with loved ones, with the world, with yourself, so that, having changed something in your life, you will get rid of unpleasant sensations forever.

So, according to my observations, the psychological causes of sexual disorders in women are as follows:

1. Fear of losing control … As a rule, my patients refer to this with the words "I can not relax in bed." This is often based on distrust of a man. Not the least role here is played by scenario attitudes such as “all the men need only one thing,” “he will play and leave,” “be smart, don’t lose your head!”, “Before the wedding - no, no!”, And so on. Very often, the fear of enslavement figures here: if you lose control, show your feelings and show Him that you are good, then He will feel his power over you, enslave you, use you, and you will be under His influence! Ultimately, He will lose interest in you and quit. So, or something like this, mothers-aunts-grandmothers, wishing "good" for the girl, do everything exactly the opposite. The most amazing thing is that women come to see me either who have been married for a long time and being enslaved for a long time, or in the status of single. In this case, psychotherapeutic work is aimed at neutralizing mistrust, fear and negative attitudes received by the girl in childhood, at the formation of healthy partnerships with her beloved.
2. Perfectionism … Explicit or hidden. The attitudes are roughly the following: he is the Man of My Dreams, and I should be ideal for Him. I MUST live up to His level, meet His expectations. What is the manifestation of feelings during sex ?! What if He sees my cellulite, fat folds? What if I grunt during sex? Fuknu? !!! What if he doesn't like me and don't live up to his expectations about the Ideal Woman ?! Or by some other criteria I will not be the Lady of Perfection for Him? In general, this point confirms the common belief that "princesses do not poop". In this case, psychotherapeutic work is aimed at neutralizing the fear of not meeting other people's expectations, accepting oneself as it is, and increasing self-esteem.
3. Inability to say no to an unloved husband / man. Here, there are old or relatively fresh grievances against her husband nearby. When in a family or in a couple there is a prohibition on the expression of feelings, a prohibition on the manifestation of dissatisfaction, hushing up problems, like “okay, let's go”, very often women have difficulties in denying sexual intimacy to the “offender”. And therefore, the body does it for them. It turns out very conveniently: I would be glad, but the body does not want to! It hurts, it’s unpleasant, I don’t feel anything with you, and so on. There may be another psychological mechanism here - to punish the offender if you cannot verbally resist him. In addition, this is a great way to manipulate a man through guilt on the principle: you do not satisfy me, then you are bad (guilty, incapable, etc.). How many gifts-benefits - diamonds - fur coats - flowers, etc. received by women through this mechanism? A great multitude! Psychotherapeutic work here is aimed at improving the quality of communication in a couple, at the ability to articulate (and not hush up!) Their feelings, at the ability to negotiate with a partner, and not blame him; communicatively competently, conflict-free, to defend one's point of view, the ability to say “no” in words, and not only with the help of symptoms of sexual dysfunction.

The following reasons are associated with childhood trauma, therefore, psychotherapeutic treatment of frigidity and other sexual problems goes on a deeper level.

1. Among the causes of sexual dysfunctions in women, a significant place is taken by traumatic episodesexperienced in childhood or early adolescence. These include sexual assault or lecherous behavior. Fear of sex, vaginismus, frigidity, sexual aversion, and other disorders can result from these psychological trauma.
2. Sex accidentally seen in early childhood parents or a secretly watched porn film, when a deep conviction is formed in a fragile mind like "since mom (or aunt from the film) moans and sobs so loudly, then it hurts terribly!" This is how the fear of sex arises. A rare girl will dare to discuss this with her mother, because it is not known how her mother will react! The older friends remain. It is easy to imagine how they can "enlighten" a girl and what consequences it will have when she grows up!
3. Carried out from childhood solid the belief that sex is "shameful, dirty, bad, sinful" … As a rule, children at a certain age show a completely natural interest in their own and other people's genitals. This manifests itself in the game "in the hospital", and in "showing nonsense" in kindergarten, etc. - continue the list yourself. And if at that moment, when a child is exploring his body "under panties", or is masturbating, he is suddenly caught by his parents who begin to scold him, shame, ridicule, punish him, then this is the worst thing that they can do for their child! The girl develops a feeling of guilt, shame, fear associated with a specific area of the body, and if she also experienced something similar to sexual arousal or other pleasant sensations, then a strict prohibition on physical pleasure arises here according to the mechanism “if I feel good It means that I am bad (I will upset mom-dad, I will be punished, disgraced)”. It is quite understandable that this situation is a direct road to frigidity in adulthood.
4. Low self-esteem, ban on femininity and sexuality … To paraphrase a well-known politician, I will say: all mothers, fathers, grandfathers, want "the best", but it turns out "as always."

Imagine a picture: a little girl, wanting to be “beautiful like a mother,” fits into her mother’s high-heeled shoes, paints her lips on half of her face with bright lipstick, and, standing in front of the mirror, admires herself, dances, rejoices at how beautiful she is! It can drive past mum-dad-grandmother-grandfather into primitive horror: the little tail is growing! It is not difficult to understand that all further efforts of the relatives are directed towards the fact that the girl grows up not “beautiful”, but “smart”. For this, the girl is convinced that “good girls do not do that, but only bad ones do”, and the child forms another prohibition: to be beautiful, to like oneself is bad. To this day, many families have a ghost from the collective past, when "there was no sex in the USSR."

Very often in many families such sadistic methods of "education" are used, such as criticism of the girl's appearance, her physical data, ridicule and humiliation ("you have no faces, no skin", "you are ugly", "tear your skirts with your knees", " who needs you with such a nose ?! "," you are fat "," your sister is a cutie, who are you so ugly? ", etc.). The worst thing is that, while forming negative self-esteem in the girl, her loved ones sincerely wish her well! “Let it be better to read books, study, work, it’s too early for her to look at the guys, paint her lips, even in the hem will bring a fool,” and so on. And none of them know that in this way they create very big psychological problems for the girl in the future and not only sexy!

It turned out to be a sad picture. But, not everything is so fatal! Yes, female sexual dysfunction does more than just get in the way. Families are being destroyed. Female loneliness makes you hate weekends and long winter evenings. Depression. Female alcoholism. Gynecological diseases, infertility. Tragedies. Disappointment. Suicidal thoughts.

But - it can be treated! A script is not a diagnosis! Scenario analysis is not a surgical procedure. Yes, this requires serious, sometimes long-term work with a psychotherapist, sexologist, but the result of that Oit!