Where Do Fears, Phobias And Panic Attacks Come From?

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

Psychologists believe that fear is not some kind of nasty thing that is built into us, but a useful adaptation mechanism that helps us survive. How does it help? He warns us of danger. This is if we use it correctly. And if we don't know how to use it, then the same fear becomes agonizing and brings us trouble. Several important points follow from this:

1. Everyone always has fears. Only we either notice them or not.
2. Sometimes people think they are not afraid of anything. They just say: "I'm not afraid of anything." Psychologists… how to put it mildly… half agree with them: “You think that you are not afraid of anything. This comes from the fact that you are used to not notice your fears, and not from the fact that they are not."
3. It is impossible to "get rid" of fear. We need him, he is an important part of our psyche. He has the most important task: to warn about the danger. A healthy fear is essential.
4. Clients often ask to “get rid of fear”. For a psychologist, such a question sounds something like "my hand is hindering me, let's remove it." Therefore, the answer for the psychologist is quite obvious, but for the client it is quite unexpected: “you don’t need to get rid of, your problem is precisely that you are trying to get rid of it, but you can learn how to use it, let me tell you how.”
5. To make ourselves feel good, we don't need to get rid of fear. Our task is to learn how to use it. Treat him like an advisor, not an enemy. And then it will become portable. It is a pity that this is not taught at school.

Psychologists divide fears into rational (useful, albeit unpleasant) and irrational (useless and painful).

Rational fear always has a specific and absolutely real danger. It can be a threat to life, health, social status or financial well-being. The key is that the threat is real.

For example, when we stand on a balcony, we do not bend over the railing and do not hang down, because we are afraid to fall and break. A very real threat to someone hanging outside

Rational fear is our ally, signaling to us how far we can lean over the railing.

With irrational fear, the threat is contrived or not at all. But there is a feeling of fear and this feeling is quite real. It happens that such a person is called a simulator. This is because people do not understand how fear can be felt when there is no real threat. Therefore, I repeat: there is no threat, the threat is unreal, but there is fear, a very real strong fear. This includes all phobias, panic attacks, etc.

• For example, when a person is afraid to go out onto the balcony because he is afraid of heights,
• or during a panic attack, a person is afraid to die for no reason,
• and any other phobia also applies.

Irrational fear doesn't help us in any way. It signals a danger that does not exist. This fear is a false alarm.

Usually, with an irrational fear of the head, a person understands that there is no danger, but the fear from such an understanding does not go anywhere.

And then the question arises: where, then, do irrational fears come from?

Irrational fear is taken from the rational. How does this happen?

1. At the first stage, a person feels the usual rational fear, but suppresses it, for example, like this:

   • I won't think about it, I'd rather eat some candy,
   • I have to be strong and handle
   • men are not afraid
   • I'm not afraid of it, I just don't want to think about it,

and in other ways explains to himself that there is (as if) no fear.

1. The suppressed fear goes into the unconscious. That is, fear as a feeling remains, but the understanding of why fear is lost, because a person is diligently trying to forget this fear.
2. The unconscious seeks for the existing fear and comes up with a false reason to be afraid of. Irrational fear is ready.

Here, perhaps, it is necessary to give examples.

Example 1.

Woman, 34 years old, fear of poisonous spiders. He understands that poisonous spiders are not found in our region. However, fear does not disappear from this.

Lives with mom. Mom has complete control over her life, from what to wear to her relationships with men.

The real fears are obvious: they are fear of mom and fear of independence. In other words, she lacks the courage to live her own way, not obeying her mother.

The unconscious logic is this: I'd rather be afraid of poisonous spiders, because we don't have them and it's not as scary to be afraid of them as to be afraid of my mother, formidable and omnipotent, who is nearby and can punish.

These fears are symbolically linked: “my mother has woven a web around me like a spider and I will never get out”.

Example 2.

Male, 25 years old, fear of heights. The fear is so strong that he is afraid to even stand on a stool.

During the consultation process, we found out that it is difficult for him to come into contact with people, that he is terrified of disapproval, low marks, “what people will think”.

The real fear is the fear of error, assessment. In other words, the fear of not being up to par.

Unconscious logic: I'd rather be afraid of heights, it's not as scary as being afraid of condemnation.

Symbolic connection: I am afraid of falling = I am afraid of falling in the eyes of others.

Example 3.

Boy, 5 years old. Suddenly, fears began on completely different topics, especially new things or people and nightmares.

During a conversation with my parents, we found out that my grandmother had died a few weeks ago. The child is not told about this, because they "take care of the psyche." The child was not present at the funeral, although he knew his grandmother and communicated with her quite often. That is, for the child, the grandmother simply disappeared. Parents do not support conversations about her.

Real fear: something terrible happened that the parents are hiding, something that makes the mother cry, but about which you can't even talk.

Unconscious logic: I don't know what exactly terrible happened and what to be afraid of, so just in case I will be afraid of everything, especially everything new, if it is suddenly dangerous.

That is, irrational fear is a superficial symptom, and its cause always lies a little deeper. Behind every irrational fear there is necessarily a real fear, a rational one, and a corresponding real danger, but this person no longer remembers.

In therapy, we go in the opposite direction:

1. The therapist helps the person understand that their fear is irrational. That the threat he has invented for himself is unrealistic. Usually the client himself is aware of this.

2. Finding out what real fear is behind the irrational. To do this, you need to remember him, to understand what the client is really afraid of. This stage is difficult to pass without a psychologist:

   • firstly, mental defenses prevent the awareness of real fear,
   • secondly, it may turn out that this is a story of such an early childhood that no memory has been preserved about it, and then the help of a specially trained person will be needed.
3. We understand what the danger is. We consult with fear, we accept the signal that it sends us.
4. We work with real fear, which means with real danger. What can be done to get rid of the danger? What measures should be taken? How to protect yourself? What can be done to make the fear bearable?

In example 1.

2 fears - 2 signals:

• an independent life (without a mother) is full of dangers,
• if you don't obey your mother, you will be punished.

In therapy, the client learned to be independent. First of all, I learned to listen to myself and build my life in my own way, even if my mother is unhappy. She realized that at 34 she was already independent and it was no longer possible to punish her. As soon as she was able to withstand her mother's pressure, the fear of spiders disappeared (as if) by itself.

In example 2.

The danger that fear warns about is "be on top, otherwise they will think badly and treat you badly."

The client learned to prioritize his own self-esteem, to endure the dissatisfaction of others, while keeping himself in good health. He learned to calmly admit his mistakes and shortcomings, without going into self-flagellation. I learned to endure different attitudes of people. When he was able to feel good and worthy regardless of specific achievements, the fear of heights passed (as if) by itself.

Example 3.

The child was told about the death of his grandmother and about death in general. What is death, when it happens and what it means. Explained what they do with the body after death. They took me to the cemetery - the nightmares passed on the same day. A child for two or three weeks asked many questions on this topic. The parents explained patiently. Of course, these are not the most pleasant conversations with a five-year-old child, but the parents were strongly encouraged by the fact that the symptoms disappeared instantly.

All of these stories share the same patterns:

1. Running away, being distracted, and forgetting from fear intensifies.
2. If you managed to escape from fear, then congratulations, we deceived ourselves, and it comes in a new guise, in the form of irrational fear. And then he still forces us to meet him.
3. Fear goes away if you take action on the danger. That is, to understand what is the danger that fear warns us about, and how to cope with this danger.

As a result, we have two ways: to avoid fear and take it as allies, to consult with it. This is what it is for. The first path leads nowhere. The second makes fear bearable, and makes us more mature and stronger.

To take fear as an ally, to consult with it, for me means asking myself a few questions and finding the answer to them:

• What does my fear warn me of, what danger?
• What can I do about this danger? What measures should be taken? How can I protect myself?

The difficulty is that if there is fear, then the person does not yet have the answer to these questions. And finding them is not an easy task, but creative and interesting))