WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME? OPINION ABOUT RELATIONSHIP WITH THE NARCISSUS

Table of contents:

Video: WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME? OPINION ABOUT RELATIONSHIP WITH THE NARCISSUS

Video: WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME? OPINION ABOUT RELATIONSHIP WITH THE NARCISSUS
Video: 5 Reasons Why You Still Love the Narcissist 2024, March
WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME? OPINION ABOUT RELATIONSHIP WITH THE NARCISSUS
WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME? OPINION ABOUT RELATIONSHIP WITH THE NARCISSUS
Anonim

Trapped in love and expectations, ignoring the signs that destroy trust, a woman finds herself in a personality-destroying relationship with a narcissist man.

ASCENT TO THE PEDESTAL

Everything started beautifully … Suddenly, literally, out of nowhere, a real prince or a man of your dreams appeared in life (charming, witty, attentive, generous, etc.). Winning favor, he lifted you to a pedestal and surrounded you with attention. It turned out that you are the "only" and "best" for him. The relationship developed rapidly and rapidly. Friends told you what a wonderful couple you were, and single friends were jealous.

You may not have had a partner for a long time, you recently came out of a relationship with a shattered self-esteem, you really, really wanted to get married, family, children, and then a miracle happened. Communication with the fairy-tale prince seemed magnificent to the point of improbability. For the first time in your life, you were sure that you had finally met your soul mate, and it is obvious that it will not be as good with him as with anyone and never …

Happiness was overwhelming, and you strove to spend every minute with your beloved. The close relationship imperceptibly overshadowed friends, family and self-interests, and he replaced the whole world for you.

In this maelstrom, you easily agreed to leave your job or even moved to another city to be his wife. The fear of being completely financially dependent was destroyed by "his great love." Or maybe he suddenly found himself out of work, and you had to increase your employment (putting your personal interests and needs on the back burner) in order to get through "bad times" with your loved one. At the same time, financial control was in the hands of the prince. At some point, he began to decide for you what you need, and what you can do without, what you cannot afford. At the same time, new disks for his car are affordable, and there is no way to buy you a dress or pay for a trip to the doctor. Once you discovered that not only finances, but your whole life and you yourself are completely controlled by him and depend on his will, mood or desire.

FALLING FROM THE PEDESTAL

It all ended as suddenly as it had arisen

In a daze you try

Understand

  • What happened? What happened? What did you do wrong?
  • How did you end up under the skirting board with trampled self-esteem, with a broken and destroyed personality, without a livelihood?
  • How and when did the Prince Charming metamorphosis into a monster?

Recall

  • Because of what he became rude or indifferent towards you.
  • When the stream of accusations, assessments and nagging began.
  • Why did you pay attention to the inconsistency of his words and actions, manipulations, strange actions and lies.

Talk and find out what happened

  • But he turned the conversation to another topic, and you felt devastated and fooled.
  • Boiled with rage, and you had to apologize and humiliate yourself in order to regain your affection.
  • He had an excuse, he was always right, he was forced to behave this way.
  • You tried to explain yourself hoping that he will understand you and everything will work out.
  • The desire to sit down at the negotiating table and discuss the situation turned into a scandal, turned into violence and / or ignorance.

The search for a compromise, the desire to create an agreement turned out to be ineffectual. Whatever you do or say, everything, absolutely everything, turned against you. At the same time, he said that you

  • create problems where there are none,
  • too emotional over trifles,
  • pathologically jealous, suspicious, petty and just do not understand jokes,
  • use manipulation and lies to save you.

He devalued you your achievements, values, social circle and interests. You have an opinion of yourself as useless and useless to anyone. At the same time, the conviction arose that you were unusually lucky in life, since such a wonderful person still lives with you, so you need to preserve this relationship in any way.

You stopped trusting yourself, thoughts, feelings and actions, assuming that something is wrong with you. After all, he behaves differently with other people. You try to do something with yourself in order to be good for him, comfortable, to become the best and most desirable again. But whatever you do on yourself, it’s all to no avail. Life is like a swing, the movement of which is absolutely unpredictable.

Your partner's unpredictability and inconsistency drives you to despair, and you doubt the adequacy of your perception … When he once again calls black white and misinterprets events beyond recognition, it seems to you that you are going crazy.

And at that moment, when you felt humiliated, trampled, worthless for anything and useless, he suddenly replaced anger with mercy and gave you moments of tenderness or gifts. Your joy knew no bounds, as if the sun had risen again in the east and illuminated your worthless life.

Living in constant anxiety

  • You are afraid to discuss his behavior or attitude towards you, because you know that the attempt will be brutally suppressed, he will punish you with what you fear most (divorce, being left without funds or help, isolation or ignorance).
  • Afraid to openly express anger, you push your feelings deeper, helping yourself with drugs and alcohol.
  • Knowing what he is capable of, you freeze, afraid to provoke his rage.

But, despite your efforts and tricks, a new scandal flares up … Again you convince yourself that everything will change and will be the same, you just need to be a “good girl”.

A vague sensation on the cusp of insight signals to you that

  • He likes to drive you to despair, he does it on purpose and enjoys your helplessness and humiliation.
  • When you are broken and suffering, he feels at his best, he has new strength, he is cheerful and cheerful.
  • As soon as you, having gathered all your strength and will, create at least a small, but significant result for you, he, at best, turns out to be in a bad mood, and at worst, he becomes indignant and furious.
  • He injures not only you, but also the children by hurting them and manipulating their minds.
  • There is no control over him, it is impossible to resist him or somehow protect himself and the children.

He deprives you of the last hope for the support of mutual acquaintances and relatives, telling them about your inappropriate behavior, lies, betrayal, manipulations, the desire to destroy the family. You find that your social circle is unusually narrow. During this relationship, you lost friends, destroyed relationships with family, and lost your job. The feeling of total loneliness intensifies the fact that you have no one or even scared to complain.

Time is running out, health deteriorates, you do not get what you want and what you dreamed of. For a long time not trusting him, you constantly remind yourself of how good you were before.

You take an incredible affection and desire to keep or return it by any means for love. Not understanding how you will live without him, you commit acts that are contrary to your values, character and common sense.

Even if you broke up or clashed for only a few days, he finds a replacement for you with amazing speed and ease. And when you doomedly think that there is no turning back, the relationship is renewed! He convinces you that he needs you, asks you to start "everything from scratch", to save the family.

You are afraid of being thrown to the sidelines of life.

You feel unable to create career success, to support yourself, your children. Under the burden of threats to leave you without money and property, create obstacles in employment, trample or destroy, the horror of lack of money deprives you of the ability to think soberly and adequately assess strength and opportunities.

At the same time, you are convinced that he is capable of embodying threats. The mask of a socially adequate person, behind which you saw calculation and ruthlessness, has long since disappeared from him. The realization of how far in his vindictiveness he is able to go, plunges into panic.

He turns children against you and threatens to deprive you of communication with children in the event of a divorce.

You break down and renew your relationship with him, hoping to return the best that was. As usual, the period of happiness ends quickly and the blast is overwhelmed by explicit and implicit violence.

You are constantly feeling lost, as if you have lost your way and lost direction, loneliness, anger, anxiety, overwhelmedness, depression, fear, guilt and remorse, shame and embarrassment. Joy, calmness and confidence are feelings unknown and inaccessible to you.

If by some miracle you managed to get out of this relationship,

  • You are sure that the problem is in you, it is you who are not like that (crazy hysterical, crazy, jealous idiot …). You misbehaved and ruined your family and your happy relationship.
  • Your aggression is directed at yourself.
  • You just can't let go of him, you think that you love him, dream of returning him in a fabulous way and are angry with yourself for all this.
  • You are afraid to trust people.
  • He already has a different relationship, he does not experience a break with you, while you feel empty and exhausted.
  • You begin to regret the time lost in this relationship, and he continues to claim that these were the best years of your life and you will regret it.

Some time after the breakup of the relationship, you begin to remember that already at the beginning of the relationship, in the period of "cloudless" happiness

  • There was some confusion and anxiety about what was suddenly, quickly, and incredibly lucky. But you diligently drove this cloud away from the clear sky of bright relationships.
  • You were jarred by statements about "stupid women", "intellectuals" and "cattle". But you tried to find an excuse for this.
  • You were overwhelmed by irascibility, anger and rudeness, raising your voice to a scream, but you saw in this the signs of a brutal man who will protect you from the enemy.
  • You were strained by indifference to other people's pain and suffering, but you attributed this to masculinity and strength.
  • You believed that jealousy and the desire to be in touch with you constantly (calls, messages, skype and vibe) is love.
  • You were surprised how such a strong man turned out to be undeservedly offended by someone. Whether a former wife - a hysterical bitch who drinks his blood. A petty boss, unable to appreciate the professional and personal merits of your loved one. And you tried to understand and love.
  • You were embarrassed by envy, inability to rejoice at the success of other people, gloating and suspicion. But you did not attach any importance to this or found an excuse.

It is likely that all this time you were in a relationship with a narcissist (maybe with a self-asserting psychopath). Now, after the narcissistic abuse, your personality is almost destroyed and there is a long rehabilitation ahead.

If you are still in this destructive relationship, run as soon as possible and seek help. Otherwise it will end with the complete loss of your self, will, personality, health and unconditional attachment to the tormentor.

Recommended: