2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
Let's take a closer look at pride. What happens when a person shows pride? He seems to say to the other - I am here, and you are there, separating himself from the other, that is, in fact, this is a way to create distance between yourself and others. The most obvious form of pride, in general, it is precisely this that is called pride among the common people - this is "I am higher than you, more significant than you." But why does a person put himself above others? Why does he want to separate himself and others? But because he is afraid that if he is on an equal footing, he may be rejected, not recognized as his own, good, will not be loved. That is, it is the fear of being rejected. Such a person, so that he is not separated from himself by others, separates himself from others in advance, but in order to justify this, he convinces himself and the others that he has a reason for this - that IT IS NOT on the way with the others (my way is better, more correctly, more worthy).
Also, pride can take on a more hidden form - I go my own way, and you go yours, we have different paths. Here comes the declaration of independence, they say we just have different paths - as if I don't underestimate you, for God's sake, I'm not higher, we are on equal terms, I just have a different path. But nevertheless, often a person inside himself believes that my path is better, more worthy, just politeness and good manners do not allow him to declare this openly. In fact, this is the same division in advance - I divide us so that you / he / she / they do not divide us.
But pride can take on a more tortuous form - I am worse than you / I am the worst of all. If a person constantly underestimates himself in comparison with others, this is also pride - this is the same fear of being rejected, the same separation of oneself from others, just with a different charge of evaluating oneself. I have already separated myself from you, so you cannot hurt me by separating me, I am already ahead of you. The slightest breeze called "I am excluded from communication" automatically launches the program "I am excluding our communication, not you" - he has urgent circumstances that prevent communication from happening, and such a person secretly enjoys this illusory control of the situation, which gives the ego's ability to live through this stressful situation. But if such a person listens to himself, he will see that inside there is still no joy and satisfaction from such a "victory", this is a clear indicator that this is an illusion of solving the situation.
Regardless of whether a person suffering from pride considers himself worse or better than others, he must realize that in fact he is suffering from the fear that others will not love him.
When it comes to working with pride, I would recommend, first, to be extra attentive to the situations in which you begin to build distance. Feel the difference between calmly backing off and line up and keeping your distance. Quietly move away - there is no energy tension to keep your distance, you just disperse in calm joy that your paths diverge. But as soon as you feel the need to separate, it's important to keep your distance, ask yourself - isn't this a way not to get in touch with the fear of rejection? Be extremely honest with yourself. If yes, say mentally: yes, now I almost felt pain because you did this to me, but I distanced myself in time and did not allow contact with this pain. Thus, I just ran away from the moment here and now, and this deprives me of contact with life itself. And now I can continue to hide from this contact, or I can enter it and see if it really is so scary and painful for me now.
The fact is that often there is no pain in such a situation - someone may not want to communicate with you or not have time - this is everyone's free will, and, in general, it is normal when not everyone wants to interact with you, you are not $ 100 so that everyone will be happy with you every time. They say that a person becomes truly free when he easily accepts someone else's no. I completely agree with that. So, a person who avoids perceived pain often does not even give himself the opportunity to make sure that there is no pain, there is a certain habit of thinking that it can be painful, because once or many times in the past it was painful and such a defensive reaction was developed. … But then a small child developed a protective reaction, and now you are an adult and, quite possibly, it does not hurt at all for you, because you already, as an adult, are fully aware that people may be busy or simply do not want to interact with you, on that they have every right. But due to the fact that you are running away from the supposed pain, you do not have a chance to get to this realization; the futility of this escape can be realized only when you stop running away.
The habit of going into any of your feelings to the end, honestly, not hiding from pain and suffering, but, on the contrary, exploring them, gives tremendous advantages - you get the opportunity to change your attitude towards what gives pain and suffering and thus dissolve them, instead of in order to be their captive, a slave, dooming themselves to escape from them every time they appear on the horizon.
With love, Marga
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