Seven Effective Ways To Love Yourself

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

The fact that loving yourself is vital, we hear at every step. From TV screens, pages of glossy magazines, huge billboard areas, faces look at us who look very pleased with themselves. These lucky ones know how to love themselves - regularly buy the product with which they are photographed. Only this method is available to the invented heroes of advertising products. Are there other forms of a good attitude towards ourselves, other than those dictated by the slogan "After all, I deserve it"? When my friend found out what topic I was writing an article on, he dropped the chop into the salad and groaned:

- You are crazy? There is already a financial crisis in the world. And if women begin to love themselves for real, the world economy will finally collapse!

- And why is that?

- Because the manufacturers of cosmetics, antidepressants, slimming belts will go bankrupt, - my opponent began to bend his fingers. “As well as plastic surgeons, fashion houses, modeling agencies, confectionery factories … And psychologists, by the way, too,” he added, glancing ominously in my direction.

- Are you saying that the entire world economy is built on our low self-esteem? - I was offended for all progressive women.

- Not all, only half. The other half serve men's low self-esteem.

Now that we know about the role of self-esteem in the well-being of all mankind, we simply must get to know it better.

What is self-esteem?

What is assessment is intuitive. This is when the picky and strict Mary Ivanna suddenly rubs her hands with joy upon hearing the correct answer, and says with pleasure:

- Well done, Sidorova, five!

In this case, self-esteem is when Sidorova comes home, throws her textbooks into a far corner and begins to scrutinize and strictly examine herself in the mirror, saying:

- Sit down, Sidorova, two!

It turns out that when we talk about self-esteem, we have to take into account the opinions of the three "Sidorovs". One - is reflected in the mirror, the other looks at her and at the same time compares with some third, ideal Sidorova - a round excellent student in all areas, including the chest area. The question arises: who are all these people?

What does the "I" consist of?

The dissection of the psyche into its components in order to explain our purely human behavior began in the days of Freud. It was he who proclaimed that in each of us, at least three structures coexist, each of which takes over at a certain moment. The most visual model of personality was proposed by the founder of Transactional Analysis, Eric Berne. He said that every second we are in one of three states - "child", "adult" or "parent" and behave accordingly.

Our inner “child” is the most honest, because he cannot speak. Imagine a baby that is able to independently absorb oxygen, food and give off carbon dioxide along with everything else that did not come in handy. This child already has needs, but he does not yet know how they are called, or how to provide them. But he knows how to yell when he is uncomfortable and burst into laughter when everything is fine. The most bitter sorrow and the purest joy that we can experience are the manifestations of our inner "child".

An "adult" is a structure that takes care of a "child". He knows the name of what the child wants and where to get it. Most often, he knows how to read labels, write his name, count money and even earn it in different ways. The function of the "adult" is to find out the need of the "child", to find something in the outside world that will satisfy it and either get it, if the situation allows, or persuade the "kid" to wait for a more favorable opportunity. However, some of the possibilities that exist, the "adult" may simply not notice, or consider them unacceptable for himself. Because the “inner parent” is on guard of security, law and order in our personality.

The “parent” is, on the one hand, the piggy bank of the experience of previous generations, passed on to us by the relay race through our own parents: all the “do's and don’ts” that accompany us through life. From this magic box, our "adult" takes ready-made instructions on how to act in familiar situations, so as not to waste time thinking about a difficult choice - to brush teeth or shoes in the morning. On the other hand, this is our direct experience of communicating with mom, dad or those who took care of us in the first years of life. It was these people who gave us the first assessments in our life or commented on our successes and failures during our growing up. The inner "parent" continues to evaluate our actions and ourselves throughout our lives, even if our real ancestors have long since given up this thankless job.

Self-love begins in childhood

Whether you are a strict or permissive parent to yourself depends on your family history. Parents who were attentive to the needs of their children, set feasible tasks for them and praised them for real achievements, really grow up children with a developed sense of self-esteem and adequate self-esteem. Growing up, these children know their weaknesses, but rely on their strengths. Their self-esteem is not too dependent on other people's evaluations. "Wrong? I admit. I'll get better! " - this is the motto of self-confident individuals with a well-developed inner "adult".

However, only those parents who themselves feel successful in many areas can raise their children in this way. Parents with general low self-esteem may unknowingly keep their children low on aspirations by transmitting the messages of “every cricket know your six” or “keep your head down”.

It also happens the other way around - if something did not work out for the parents in due time, the child is “pinned hopes”, he is convinced of the uniqueness and superiority over others, pushed to achievements and achievements. It would seem that overestimated self-esteem is much better than underestimated. But the sadness is that people with an inadequately high opinion about their merits love themselves only for their high social status or achievements. If they suddenly lose what their self-respect is based on, then either depression or heart attack will follow. Such people are very dependent on external assessments and crave admiration, because mom and dad loved in childhood for a reason, but only for the "round five". People with high self-esteem rarely ask for help, because their main task is to show everyone that everything is fine with them.

In the 60s of the 20th century, it was found that heart disease is twice as likely to affect a certain type of personality. People of type "A" constantly strive for competition, competition, thirst for recognition and success, used to lead or work alone. Excessive demands on yourself and others lead to emotional isolation and heightened stress, damaging health.

Do you need to change something?

If self-esteem is established before the age of five and changes only slightly during the rest of your life, then is there any point in doing something with it? Vice-President of the French Federation of Psychotherapy Serge Ginger is sure: "It is not what was made of me that is important, but what I myself do with what was made of me."

Any changes are opposed by their own inertia plus the resistance of the environment. We have already found out that our low self-esteem is very beneficial for certain segments of society, and not only for cosmetologists. The lower our self-esteem, the easier it is to control us. At school age, our self-esteem was undermined by our teachers; in adulthood, by our bosses. Women with very low self-esteem make more obedient wives. That is why girls with a low opinion of themselves and modest claims to a partner quickly find their first husband they meet.

So the increased self-esteem will not make our life easier - we will have to defend our rights in the boss's office and henceforth rather responsibly choose a job, a place for a vacation and a life partner. There is only one bonus from this troublesome venture. Perhaps this is how we will really like to live.

Self-esteem grows with age. 3,500 Europeans aged 25 to 80 took part in a self-assessment survey. The youngest Europeans showed the lowest self-esteem. The older the survey participants were, the higher their self-esteem was. However, after reaching retirement age, it fell sharply for everyone, except for a small group of pensioners. Studies have shown that these people either had high incomes or strong family ties.

Raise my dignity

Why are most of the tips from articles on “How to Love Yourself” useless? Due to the fact that our attitude towards ourselves was born from relationships with other, significant people. And our self-esteem can only change in a close and confidential meeting with another person. Therefore, the affirmations “I am the most charming and attractive” will not work, even if you repeat them a thousand times every morning in the reflection, rumpled from sleep, in the mirror. But if your husband or girlfriend compliments you, try not to dismiss him.

Allow yourself to receive praise and admiration from other people. To get started, learn to say “thank you” and not make excuses, even if it seems to you that you are being praised unfairly. The main thing is to always remember that someone else's praise does not bind you to anything.

Learn to ask for support. If your environment thinks that kicking is good and healthy for your own good, explain to your family and friends exactly how you need to be stimulated to achieve. Remember in what state you really achieved something and what preceded this state. Decide in what form you need support and ask for it from those who are able to help you. For example, before showing your friend a new handbag, warn her: "I expect only admiring sighs from you, leave criticism until the moment when I get tired of it."

If you have kept in touch with your parents, take some time to talk privately with them over a cup of tea about your childhood. Get your baby photos out. Collect all the pictures where you feel happy in a separate album. Check it out from time to time.

Arrange for yourself five minutes in the crown. Put on the crown in your mind at first alone. Notice how your posture and way of thinking change, even if you are busy peeling potatoes. Set a timer and after exactly five minutes remove the imaginary headdress. Do this exercise whenever you remember. After two weeks, complicate the exercise - wear a crown while talking on the phone. Hear how the intonation of your voice has changed. If the exercise is fun, you can take a chance and leave the crown on your head all day. With only one condition, everyone who comes into your field of vision also mentally wear a crown, be it an adult or a child. Don't be surprised if you suddenly find that the people you are talking to are better than you thought they were.

Educate your inner parent. Let him read literature on how to raise self-confident children. When your inner parent learns how important non-judgmental acceptance is to development, he may stop grading you. Sometimes, in order to start loving, it is enough just to stop comparing. Believe me, no matter how our parents evaluated us, we were still the most dear to them in the world. They were just either embarrassed to talk to us about it, or they were afraid to spoil us.

Let's be honest with ourselves. Approaching the mirror, let's not lie to ourselves about the "most charming" one. For every "very" there is a new Scarlett Johansson. Let's face the truth and say "I'm priceless!" And then the question is "worthy or suck?" will disappear by itself.