2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
Some of my acquaintances ask what happens during therapy that people have been going to it for years.
I answer to all those interested.
In the course of therapy, there is a gradual (according to the client's readiness) change in beliefs, thoughts, reactions of a person to life events and the adoption of new decisions. What has been created and reinforced over the years cannot be fixed in an hour or two.
How are these changes occurring?
It all starts with the fact that the client comes to the session and talks about what is bothering him. In the course of the conversation, the psychologist helps him to be aware of his feelings, to better understand their reasons, to look at the situation more holistically. Indicates "blind spots" that, for one reason or another, cannot be seen by the person himself.
As a rule, beliefs are behind feelings, which in fact often turn out to be stereotypes. With age, people increasingly begin to use templates "what should I be", "what should be the people around", "what is permissible and what is not", "what is possible and what is not", etc., collected from various sources … These can be both infantile, outdated ideas, and conclusions drawn from trauma in the past. Many, unfortunately, live as if this template is the real reality, forgetting that this is just one piece of the puzzle from many possible options.
The psychologist helps the client to see what meanings he ascribes to the situation, what stereotypes he uses, how he makes decisions. If we understand and see all this, we have the opportunity to make a different choice. And, accordingly, get a different result.
Also, a psychologist helps to better understand how a person builds relationships with others. Who he chooses and why. What own needs are trying to fulfill through relationships. The client becomes more aware of how he feels in relationships with certain people. To understand whether he is satisfied with the relationship and what he generally needs in them. As a result, he begins to reevaluate his relationships with others. Talking about your feelings and needs more often - and this significantly affects the quality of the relationship.
The "pink veil" of romantic stereotypes is slowly disappearing and a person begins to see what really is. He takes on his part of the responsibility and gives another part of it to another, thereby acquiring greater stability in the relationship. Stops using others as a crutch. Stops manipulating to achieve a goal and learns to interact openly. Stops manipulations in your address. Realizes and sets his own psychological boundaries, understanding what is acceptable to him and what is not. Gradually begins to form a supportive environment around him.
And, of course, the psychologist helps the client to reconsider his own attitude towards himself. As a result of realizing and debunking stereotypes, there is a change in the idea of oneself as a person.
It becomes more holistic, more complete in questions:
- Who am i?
- What do I like and dislike?
- What is important to me?
- What am I good at? What are my strengths?
- What are my capabilities and my potential?
- What are my limitations? etc.
By better understanding and recognizing oneself, a person condemns himself less and less and accepts more and more. He learns to give himself self-support, finds support, thanks to which he can achieve success in activities that are meaningful to himself. Learns to ask for and accept help, to take care of oneself.
All these changes, ultimately, completely change the quality of human life. In fact, therapy is helping a person grow up, the transition from a child's view of the world to a mature one. This does not mean that such a person will always be happy now - it means that he can rely on himself, look sensibly at what is happening in his life, make decisions based on reality, and not on the basis of his fantasies about what is happening. He can cope with situations that come into his life, is less prone to stress, builds comfortable relationships for himself with other people. He sets realistic goals and achieves them normally, rather than working out. And, of course, he knows how to enjoy life.
If you have questions about therapy or how it works, ask them in the comments.
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