Got Drunk Again

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

I got drunk again …

Where can I find help? There is no hope, I can't do it myself …

“I can’t take it any longer! What am I doing wrong? Maybe encode or Katyuzhanka?”- the mental whirlwind whirled. Tears apart with anger, resentment, self-pity. I shout to my husband from powerlessness and pain, what kind of "he is a brute", in the morning I throw up a scandal or keep silent for weeks. Children are scared: "maybe because of us mom and dad are quarreling … what if they get divorced, and we go to an orphanage?" "I feel bad - I don't sleep at night, I look terrible, everything falls out of my hands."

A vicious circle from which many women see no way out. There is a way out - stop, ask for help, sort out yourself!

Why does my husband drink, am I to blame?

Alcoholism Is a chronic disease that can lead to premature death; it ranks 4th in the world in mortality. Alcohol is a poison, the liver is able to process only 30 g of alcohol in 60 minutes, the excess poison the body. Anyone can get sick with alcoholism. If your husband does not regularly lie under the fence, like Petya's neighbor, this does not mean that he is healthy. Once, to an appointment with a therapist, my wife brought her alcoholic husband, well-fed and healthy in appearance - you would never think that he had cirrhosis of the liver from excessive use …

An alcoholic is powerless against his illness, like a person with gastritis. They both need the help of a doctor. Nobody shouts: "Pull yourself together and do not suffer from gastritis!"

There are many reasons for alcoholism:

• genetic predisposition
• a pattern of parenting behavior - alcohol relieves stress
• world culture of drinking, where "between the first and second break is small."

Alcoholism does not exist without an accomplice - a codependent

Codependency is a chronic disease that can lead to premature death. Codependents are:

• married (in love relationship) with a patient with addiction
• parents, adult brothers and sisters of the patient
• persons with one or both parents with addiction
• people who grew up in emotionally oppressive families.

Codependency is sometimes more difficult than addiction. A whole movement is developing in the world to overcome codependency.

No one is to blame for what is happening, but you are an active participant in a cruel game, where the roles are distributed in this way: controller-rescuer-victim … Roles are constantly changing. The husband got drunk - you are the victim, he is delayed - you call and control, he is the victim. The spouse does not go to work, does not pay off debts, the wife does everything for him - he saves. This is an endless game of unconscious rules. It destroys you, the family, and traumatizes the children.

How to get out of this struggle? Surrender without a fight. If you don't get into the ring, Tyson won't stand a chance. The fight will not take place.

The long-term struggle is unsuccessful, it is time to admit powerlessness in the face of the disease, change tactics and ask for help - all attempts to save her husband were defeated

How long have you done your hair, went to the doctor, bought new shoes? Codependents will answer: “What nonsense! As much as possible, my husband drinks. I have to call 100 times, ask when she will come. I always need to be on the alert - ready to save, excuse me from the police. There is no time to sleep: I am in ambush with binoculars, I make sure that he does not do anything …"

Farsightedness is your disease, you see everything except yourself, while your husband is short-sighted - he has one problem, where to get money and drink. You are a victim, but also a heroine, they pity you: the wife saves her husband from drunkenness, drags the family on her. You are young and full of strength, so you steadfastly carry two crosses. But every year you incline lower. It is not known how long this burden will last. The husband is addicted to alcohol, you are dependent on the condition of the husband. Are your actions and thoughts very different from your spouse's delusional behavior? Save yourself! Live your life, not his. This is not selfishness, but a reasonable measure. She may be useful to her husband. As soon as you begin to bring your plans to the end, switch your energy from him to children, learn to appreciate life regardless of his state, you will increase self-esteem. Usually the husband respects the wife who respects herself. The idea of going to be treated for a dependent will be easier to accept from the lips of a wise wife, and not a grumpy accuser. Keep your own life in sight. If you have cut out a blouse, sew it on regardless of whether he comes sober or drunk. If you are planning to go to a friend, then be sure to go. Let him know that you are not a rag that you can safely dry your feet on. Just do not be bitter and do not lose the ability to forgive, be gentle and affectionate. You love your sinner, you know his merits, they have not diminished since the day of the wedding.

How do you feel about your husband when you ask: “Got drunk again? Where are you going? You raise him as a small child, and he wants you to respect him. He is an adult and deserves a human being. Maybe it's time to see him as a man who is able to cope with his problems. You always have time to do and decide for him what is left for him - to drink. This is a disservice. I remember the story of how the police took a drug addict, he managed to throw off his jacket. A caring wife brought her beloved, and in her pocket - drugs. It helped so much…. Stop babysitting him and considering him your # 1 child, you and your children need energy. Recognize a sick adult who is able to take responsibility for his own life, a living person who builds his own destiny. All your actions are manipulation of him.

The family is a union of adults, where everyone is equally responsible for developing relationships, raising children, safety and well-being. It is a system consisting of links that perform specific functions. If one link changes its direction, the rest must adapt - otherwise the system will disintegrate. In Europe and America, addicts are not accepted for rehabilitation if the family is not undergoing treatment. Addiction is a family disease. The convalescent, returning to the old environment, will quickly begin to use. The good news is that if you start changing yourself, your spouse will have to adapt and do something about his illness.

Codependent children repeat the fate of their parents.

Parents for children are a foundation, not a roof that prevents them from reaching heights. In an addicted family, children automatically become codependent. They have two ways: to become addicted or to find a dependent life partner for themselves. Gloomy prospects. You will give children a chance to overcome codependency by showing a healthy relationship model.

You have to make a choice: follow the familiar path, destroy yourself, your family, injure your children, or trample a new path - leave your husband alone, seek help to figure yourself out.

Over the years, you have become akin to your role and do not know how it could be otherwise. Life is centered around a spouse's addiction. “It would be better if he drank,” some wives think of the convalescent. How to behave with a sober, what to talk about, what to do in the free time? Can we leave everything as it is and act according to the prepared scenario? There is no time, no money for a psychologist, there is no one to leave children with, it is a shame to admit the problem … Suddenly it will not help … Working on oneself is a long, perhaps a lifelong journey.

You didn't know that addiction and codependency are diseases, that your actions contributed to your husband's drinking. No one is guilty. The problem can be solved. It remains to ask for help and take care of your life - finally, buy new shoes, go to the theater and just chat on the phone.