Sociopathic Parents

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

Who comes to mind when you hear the word "sociopath"? Jack the Ripper, perhaps? This is a truly iconic representative of the concept. But this is the most extreme, dramatic, and obvious version of a sociopath.

One fact that most people never think about or realize is the high likelihood that every community, every school, and every company or organization probably already has a segment.

The sociopath I'm talking about is very different from a serial killer. This sociopath quite possibly never breaks the law and has never been to jail. This sociopath is much less obvious, but much more common.

He or she can be your neighbor, your brother, your mother, or your father. He can hide behind a perfect manicure, a great job, a charity. Most people will never think of this person as a sociopath.

In fact, such a person is very charismatic, he or she attracts people. Such a person can be admired, and he will seem disinterested and kind, but deep down he is not like all of us. More often than not, no one sees that something is wrong, except for the people who are closest to him. Often, relatives and children can feel it, but this does not mean that they understand it.

There is one major feature that sets sociopaths apart from the rest, and that can be summed up in a single word: conscience. Simply put, a sociopath doesn't feel guilty. Because of this, he is completely free in his actions and as a result there will be no internal cost for this. A sociopath can say or do whatever he wants and not feel bad the next day or ever.

Along with the absence of guilt, there is a deep lack of empathy. For a sociopath, other people's feelings are meaningless because they don't have the ability to perceive them. In fact, sociopaths don't really feel the way others do. Their emotions operate in a completely different system, which usually revolves around control over others.

If a sociopath has succeeded in controlling you, he may feel some warmth towards you. The flip side of this coin is that if he doesn't handle you, he will despise you.

Lack of conscience frees the sociopath to use some disguised means to achieve their goals. He can be verbally ruthless. He can distort things by misinterpreting them. He can misinterpret the words of others, for his own purposes. He can blame others when things go wrong. He never accepts his mistakes, because it is much easier to blame someone else.

How do we understand that we are facing a sociopath?

1. He or she emotionally harms others, including children, many times, others may perceive these actions as deliberate.
2. After harming another person, the sociopathic parent acts as if nothing happened and expects or demands the same attitude from others.
3. The sociopath lies or distorts the truth, or plays the victim in an effort to deny or not accept responsibility. He freely manipulates people to get his way.

Realizing that your mother or father is a sociopath can be extremely difficult and painful. Most sociopathic children are desperate to rationalize or understand their parent's bad behavior. Many children can get creative when trying to explain the inexplicable. Here are a few of the many excuses that the children of sociopaths have come up with to understand and justify their parents' behavior in their own eyes:

"She doesn't really think so."

"She just cares too much about me."

"He had a difficult childhood"

Such self-deceiving excuses can calm the sociopath's child, but they are damaging in the long run. The child may even feel guilty about his inability to understand or meet the needs of his parent.

How to deal with this?

1. The sociopathic child must acknowledge that the parents' feelings are not like their own, due to the parent's inability to feel true guilt or empathy.
2. Be aware that a sociopathic parent cannot be trusted to act in the best interests of their child. Unfortunately, this statement is contrary to our moral principles. Most of us were brought up to believe unconditionally that all parents love and want the best for their children. Unfortunately, in the case of a sociopathic parent, this is simply not possible.
3. All the guilt in the relationship of a sociopathic parent with their child belongs to one person who cannot feel it: the parent. However, it is the child who usually suffers from the burden of guilt.

Being raised as a sociopath is one of the deepest emotional trauma, the consequences of which take years to recover. You can always turn to a competent psychotherapist for help. The objectives of psychotherapy are ambitious. It claims to improve the quality of life and lead to healing and happiness. These claims are well founded. After all, the norm is not what is, but the best that can be. And talking helps.