Positive Thinking Is A Direct Path To Problems

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Video: Positive Thinking Is A Direct Path To Problems

Video: Positive Thinking Is A Direct Path To Problems
Video: THE POWER OF POSITIVITY - Best Motivational Video For Positive Thinking 2024, March
Positive Thinking Is A Direct Path To Problems
Positive Thinking Is A Direct Path To Problems
Anonim

Self-affirmation of high self-esteem of one's personality, it would seem, should not just increase it, but change life for the better, move to a certain level of mental balance and harmony of soul and body. But sometimes an imaginary overestimated self-esteem is harmful and leads to disharmony and even illness. Let's consider some misconceptions in aspects of psychology.

1. Maintain a high level of self-esteem and success is easy

Everyone remembers the famous phrase of the heroine Irina Muravyova "I am the most charming and attractive …". Many schools of psychological development promote this approach to life. Repeat the mantra about your perfection, and the surrounding reality itself will adjust to the "magic" words. However, it is not in vain that this episode is presented in the film with ironic overtones. So Canadian psychologists from the University of Waterloo, Ontario, warn that attitudes that have no real basis are harmful! A person who repeats "I am successful", but in fact is not, still subconsciously understands that he is not telling the truth. This tension between reality and trying to improve your self-esteem can lead to deep nervous breakdown over time.

Success in work or study really largely depends on the level of self-esteem, but this dependence is not directly, but inversely proportional to the feeling of self-satisfaction. This can be confirmed by an intercultural experiment. Groups of subjects, one of which included Asians, in whose culture a very average level of personal significance was traditionally established. The second group consisted of Americans, as you know, the nation most extolling the need for maximum personal satisfaction. The "East" coped with the proposed tasks in mathematics much better than the "West". The results of the test can be summarized in the words of Professor Wilhelmina Wosińska: “It is believed that self-satisfaction is the key to success. However, it often happens the other way around: you need to realize yourself in order for high self-esteem to be formed."

2. Low self-esteem leads to pathologies

Another imposed postulate is the opinion that complexes lead to the development of aggressiveness and violence. However, the American sociologist Martin Sanchez-Janowski claims something quite the opposite. For more than ten years he systematically observed and analyzed the behavior of members of gangster groups, and concluded that overestimated self-esteem is a characteristic feature of precisely the "socially dangerous" strata of the population. Inflated ego, arrogance, the need to constantly prove their superiority, self-assertion at the expense of others and self-admiration (narcissism) - these are the signs noted by psychologists who worked with Luke Woodham, who at the age of 16 committed the murder of his mother and two friends.

Cultivating an increase in self-esteem, pseudo-psychologists identified it with respect for oneself and others, hoping in this way to influence the ever-increasing social tension, to prevent unemployment, alcoholism, teenage pregnancies, etc. However, they have achieved only even greater difficulties, especially in ethical relations. American publicist Dinesh D'Souza writes: “Is it important to have a high opinion of yourself? I'm not sure. When I have a feeling of arrogance, then an alarm bell rings in my brain immediately, because I know that I am about to do something stupid."

3. The main thing is to never cheat on yourself

The slogan “be yourself” is not bad in principle, it suggests that each person should accept himself as he is, despite the situation that is called “both in sorrow and in joy”, to achieve harmony in the soul and, as a result, in life. In this case, no more laws and sanctions will be required, because everyone will evaluate himself, therefore, he will always act "according to his conscience." Lies, complexes, communication difficulties will disappear. Life, cleansed of the husk of prejudices, far-fetched and stereotypes, will become perfect. But any medal has two sides, so the philosopher Tadeusz Kotarbiński points out that the call to abandon artificiality in behavior can be interpreted as follows: follow your desires, habits, inclinations, live by your own rules and conscience. This is where the catch lies! Desires can be bad, inclinations - perverted, and conscience - unclean. Dinesh D'Souza says, "One of my Jesuit teachers used to say 'be yourself' is the worst advice for some people." He's right: it's dangerous to suggest this to Hitler or Charles Manson."

4. Thought is material

One of the popular psychological techniques, visualization, also does not lead to anything good. At trainings, people are explained that in order to receive any benefits in life, it is enough to clearly imagine your goal, its material embodiment. To do this, they suggest watching videos, cutting out pictures from magazines and making a collage, which should be placed in the most conspicuous place, in general, always remember about your goal, and as soon as the belief that it has already been achieved becomes truly deep, sincere, then the wish will come true!

The absurdity of this psychological twist is proved by researchers Shelley Taylor and Lien Pham of the University of California. They observed a group of students before taking the exam. One part of the students, using the visualization method, already imagined that they had passed the exam, and they were celebrating their successes at a traditional party. Such students could be immediately identified by their cheerful appearance and excellent mood. But the desire to learn from them immediately decreased. As a result, many were expelled from the university for poor grades. The rest thought more about the tasks for the exam. It cannot be said that their mood was sunny, but they passed the session incomparably better than the first. The reason is that focusing on the result leads to a decrease in attention to the process of achieving it. But steps towards a goal are an integral part of it.

5. Write down your goal and you will achieve more

Not just thinking about your goals, but clearly formulating them, writing them down thoroughly means programming yourself to achieve them! Here's another piece of advice from popular psychologists on how to become successful. An experiment conducted at Yale University in 1953 is often cited as evidence. Then the final year students were asked to write down their goals for the future in as much detail as possible. 97% of respondents got off with general phrases, or said that they have no expressed plans. The rest submitted a detailed report. After 20 years, the participants in the experimental group were gathered again and found out that those 3% of the respondents not only achieved everything they had planned, but advanced much further and their successes in life significantly exceed the achievements of their classmates. Unsurprisingly, this story is mind-boggling. The only problem is that in fact, there was no such experiment!

Oliver Burkeman, in his book Antidote: Happiness for People who Can't Stand Positive Thinking, warns that over-focusing on a task once formulated is not good. implementation of the plan, instead of monitoring and sensitively reacting to changes in the market. Something similar happened in the Soviet Union with a planned economy. In addition, Mr. Berkman notes that employees who are focused on performing a highly specialized task and do not have "freedom of maneuver" much more often behave unethically towards others, arguing that "the end justifies the means."

As John Lennon sang: "Life is what happens to us while we are busy making other plans." Of course, having a goal or a cherished dream is good, this is an incentive to develop and move forward, but you shouldn't turn the guiding star into a narrow corridor with only one exit.

6. Our happiness is in our hands

The thesis that a person is the blacksmith of his own happiness is very conditional. Everyone understands that with all our desire, we cannot control the people around us or events that develop without our participation, but can affect our life. How many romantic stories about couples who have lived on the same street all their lives and met on vacation in Turkey. This is an accident, it cannot be programmed.

There are also more mundane facts: education and outstanding personal qualities are not enough for success in a career; the market conditions for professions, which are constantly changing, are very important here. And often graduates who entered a university for a prestigious specialty, upon graduation from the university, are not in demand, since during their studies the situation has changed and specialists are required in completely different areas. Very indicative in this sense is the example of the well-known model of Natalia Vodianova - the famous "Russian Cinderella". A girl from a dysfunctional family has become a super-model, although her appearance is very specific and does not fit into the generally accepted model canons. But one must understand that a fashion designer, coming up with a new collection of clothes, “sees” not only dresses or fur coats, but also the image of a model who can harmoniously demonstrate the outfit. In one of the collections, the designers decided to use models of a certain type of appearance, which Natalya corresponded to. It is clear that the fashion collection, not the model, made a splash, but the trend was picked up, and Vodianova became the "standard" of new fashion. On this wave, other girls of similar appearance advanced in their careers, and then new collections appeared, fashion changed, and they were left out of work. Yes, and Vodianova is now engaged in completely different projects.

So a person cannot build his life alone, but he can form the right attitude towards it.

7. What does not kill a person makes him stronger

Many popular schools of psychology offer the idea that life is finite, taken literally, but in the interpretation "it's time to end the old life and start a new one." That is, such critical life situations as divorce, dismissal, bankruptcy are in fact almost a blessing, since they present a person with a unique chance to end the old, boring life and find himself anew, having gained invaluable life experience.

However, the reality is that "to rise like a phoenix from the ashes" is obtained by literally a few units. As a rule, such stresses have a very difficult effect not only on the mental, but also on the physical health of people, and attempts to accept dead-end situations as passing moments that are not worth attention only exacerbate the situation. The universal adherence to this principle, according to social publicist Barbara Ehrenreich, even led to a crisis in the global economy. Writer Marcin Szczygielski expressed the idea of the falsity of the doctrine in the most simple and intelligible way: “What does not kill us makes us stronger. What nonsense! When I hear about the life-giving benefits of disappointment, trauma, and failure, I see a tree struck by lightning over and over again, depriving it of branches and foliage. As a result, there is a lonely gnarled trunk, from which life gradually disappears. That's a man the same way. Negative experience tears off the upper tender, thin and sensitive cover from us … When the number of blows reaches the “point of no return”, the original core will remain: hard, cold and indifferent, existing only thanks to the animal instincts of self-preservation and the desire to survive”.

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