Project: Life-Long Trauma. You, As You Are Not

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

Author: Lokotkova Marina Source:

I think you have met such people. Already from the first glance at their body, it seems that this person wants, as if to hide, disappear. Some of them look like they have not grown up children - small and fragile. The eyes seem empty or absent, and they are often filled with fear.

We can say with a high degree of probability that we are dealing with a person who received the trauma of rejection in childhood. Often they are unwanted children, or children of parents who abandoned them. Sometimes such injuries also occur in children in an outwardly prosperous family, where, however, the parents are cold and do not like them.

The first reaction of a human being who feels rejected is the desire to run away, slip away, disappear. A child who feels rejected runs away into the world he invented. Such children devise many ways to escape from home; one of them is an expressed desire to go to school. However, when they come to school and feel rejected there, more often because they reject themselves, they again run into their dreams and fantasies.

The rejected person prefers not to get attached to material things, for they can prevent him from fleeing whenever and wherever he pleases. He rarely uses material things for pleasure, considering such pleasure to be superficial.

In adulthood, this withdrawal from material pleasures becomes the cause of difficulties in his sex life. Such people create situations in which they find themselves sexually rejected, or they themselves are denied sex.

What is the cause of this trauma and how does it occur? Being an unloved parent of the same sex, the child forms a reciprocal feeling of dislike and rejection, even hatred, towards him. And parents for us are the models from which we mold our own personality. And then, being of the same sex with an unloved parent, he cannot accept himself and love himself.

The rejected one does not believe in his own worth, he himself does not put himself into anything. And for this reason, he uses all means to become perfect and gain value, both in his own eyes and in the eyes of others.

Their relationships with other people, rejected are often characterized by the words: "nobody" or "nothing." For example: "I know that I am nothing, others are more interesting than me." They also use the words "does not exist", "non-existent". For example, to the question: "What is your relationship with such and such a person?" they answer, "They don't exist," whereas most people will simply answer that things are not going well or that the relationship is not working out.

These people usually have very few friends at school and later at work. They are considered withdrawn and left alone. The more they isolate themselves, the more invisible they seem. Thus, a vicious circle is created: feeling rejected, they are so lost that others cease to notice them; they become more and more lonely, which gives them more reason to feel rejected.

A person experiencing similar suffering is constantly looking for the love of a parent of the same sex, often trying to see the "parent" in other people. These people are often teachers or bosses. He will consider himself an incomplete creature until he wins the love of the "parent". He is very sensitive to the slightest comments from this "parent" and is always ready to decide that he is rejecting him.

As for the parent of the opposite sex, such a person himself is afraid to push him away and in every possible way restrains himself in his actions and statements in relation to him. On the other hand, he wants a parent of the same gender to curry favor with him himself - this allows him to feel less acutely his rejection.

The rejected constantly lives in an uncertain state: if he is elected, he does not believe in it and rejects himself - sometimes to such an extent that, in fact, provokes such a situation; if he is not elected, then he feels rejected by others.

Injuries are easily identified when you analyze a person's attitude to food. The rejected prefers small portions; he often loses his appetite when he experiences bouts of fear or other intense emotions. He is prone to anorexia: he can almost completely refuse to eat, because he seems too big and well-fed to himself. Weight loss below normal, exhaustion is his attempt to disappear. Sometimes the appetite wins, and then such a person greedily pounces on food - this is also an attempt to disappear, to dissolve in food. However, such people rarely use this method; more often they are attracted to alcohol or drugs.

In order to resolve the problem of rejection, and to break the pernicious cycle of trauma, it is important first of all to understand: precisely because the trauma was, and it was not healed, such people create a certain type of situation and relationship around themselves. As long as such a person believes that all misfortunes are due to the fault of other people, the trauma cannot be removed.

The first step to healing a trauma is to acknowledge that it exists. This, however, does not at all mean approval and consent to its existence. To accept is to look at her, to observe her, not forgetting at the same time that a person lives for this, in order to settle problems that have not yet been resolved.