2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
Stages of Development of a Borderline Personality Relationship (BPD) ((Roger Melton)
The stage of seduction.
PRL appears as a soft emotional gullible person who suffered a lot and undeservedly from cruelty and misunderstanding of others. This is such a soft and fluffy creature that must be rescued and warmed, and generally given the best. In the eyes of the PRL, the partner in the ensuing romance appears as a knight in shining armor, which the partner usually likes. There is no malice on the part of the "border guard" here. Firstly, it has a light streak and everything seems to be quite rosy around. A little more and life will finally level out and everything will go smoothly. So a good man was found, who would finally save him, the unlucky one. Secondly, given that people who are not aware of their condition often consider their past a streak of failures. Well. he was not born happy, but “there is happiness, it cannot but be,” and the main thing is not to miss it, so the borderline person tries. Thirdly, there is a borrowing of the partner's personality traits and … well, wow, the person is just like me. Let's even say more, this is a completely complimentary half, which seems to be granted from above. And of course the endless conversations of the "border guard" about what a miracle, what a combination of circumstances, what a wonderful person.
The clinging stage.
Admiration begins to fade somewhat. Everything that previously pleased and delighted in a partner becomes unimportant and somewhat annoying. An uplifting of feelings appears only when it comes to the wonderful qualities of the borderline personality itself. Those. here already the PRL has some suspicion about the alienation of the appropriated parts of the personality and regular reinforcement is needed that this is correct and necessary. In addition, since the borderline also feels rather badly, she needs a constant mirror and confirmation, "Yes, it is you and you are okay." But it’s not the same. The "border guard" is beginning to feel more and more out of place. The mood is not very good, everything hurts and I am so unhappy, just don’t give up, I’ll die. You can endlessly comfort and support, but "bad" lasts from day to day. At times there are bursts of good mood, but they are short-lived. More often and more often there are outbursts of despair “everything is bad”. Moreover, beyond the limits of the relationship, some difficulties also begin - with work, friends, girlfriends, neighbors, parents. The situation is similar to if you rescued a beautiful girl in a cold sea - warmed her up, calmed her down, gave blankets and hot tea. The girl ate, warmed up, calmed down and jumped back overboard.
The stage of hatred.
It develops, as a rule, at a time when the relationship is quite established and stable. The PRL suddenly realizes that in fact everything is complete nonsense and deception. The prince's face in shining armor distorts in his eyes and becomes the face of an insidious villain with whom the borderline has nothing to do. Outbreaks "I hate you" begin, with the intended destruction and aggression, sometimes with suicide attempts.
In the future, the dynamics of the state can change from 1 to 3 stages, or from 2 to 3. and such cycles are repeated with varying degrees of frequency.
Those. in the first stage, this is a completely normal person, and even in the second stage, it’s completely okay, you can live. Stage 3 in the eyes of others, a certain crisis, overwork, nervous situation, frustration, etc.
In other words, the person seems to be a good person, but there are some disadvantages and black stripes. Sometimes it is already clear to everyone, then all “this is not just“zhzhzhzh”, but again … a person, in principle, is a good person. This is how people live.
And it's good that they live, because the family is quite a serious support for the BPD. However, individuals with BPD and their loved ones should also be aware of these stages of the relationship. Know what's going on and learn to soften shocks. Although often already awareness of these cycles is quite helpful in maintaining relationships with others.
Continuing the topic of personality disorder in relationships in my video, I answer the questions: "Who is a psychopath?", "Can such a person change?", "And how to live with such a person?" Happy viewing!
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