Increased Anxiety: Causes And Ways To Cope With It

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

In life, each of us meets with a sense of anxiety. Literally from birth, we experience discomfort when faced with something that we do not know, fear, or which we cannot influence. However, someone has this short-term, fast-passing and not very pronounced condition, which a person can easily and independently cope with

And for some it is a very painful experience that poisons life. It acts as a constant background, interfering with normal life, or covers, like the ninth wave, completely blocking the ability to rejoice, dream, feel confidence, calmness, harmony and do something in general. Therefore, it is very important to understand what kind of animal it is, when and why it comes to us and how it can be tamed.

Understanding what is happening gives us at least a choice: what to do with it and how to behave.

Anxiety is often induced and reinforced by various kinds of fears

Various factors contribute to the formation of increased anxiety: in addition to the personality traits of a person (including his mental characteristics, physiology and personal experience), it is also a family heritage, a negative picture of the world and a negative self-image.

Family legacy

When speaking of “legacy,” it is worth considering family history and experiences of difficult crisis moments in family life, as well as inherited ways of responding and dealing with anxiety.

1) Each family has its own story, its own myths and skeletons in the closet - stories that they do not like to talk about, but they remember and worry about.

If in the life of the clan there were missing, repressed and shot, about whom they could not get information for years and hid this fact for a long time, fearing for their lives if accidents happened (“went for bread, got hit by a car”, “lay down on planned surgery and died”,“choked and died”), it is natural to assume that anxiety is higher there, at least in relation to what caused the death or worries of relatives.

Often "heirs" are haunted by the fear of something terrible (sudden death of a loved one, tragedy), which is based on the fear of death. It so happens that in the family it is not customary to talk about death, and the children are not explained what is happening. Nevertheless, the child feels the atmosphere, tries to compare the facts available to him and conjecture what they are silent about. Often, it is in childhood that fantasies about death are lived and a certain attitude towards it is born.

It is very traumatic for a child to be present during suicide or death, when adults behave inappropriately, do not pay attention to the child, leaving him alone with their fantasies and fears, do not console him and do not explain what happened. The child may feel guilty, or link some completely unrelated events in a logical chain, and in adult life they are afraid of even a hint of coincidence.

So, for example, a number of deaths occurred in one family in a short period of time. They were afraid to injure the child and generally avoided this topic. For the girl, from the information available to her, the following sequence developed: fell ill - called a doctor - disappeared. Ill - called a doctor - disappeared. Is it any wonder that when her mother fell ill, and a doctor appeared in their house, the child had a hysteria, the girl refused to go to school and let her mother out of sight. In the drawings, in different forms, the fear of something terrible (like the fear of death) was displayed.

2) With an unwanted pregnancy (mother's thoughts about an abortion), expecting a child of the opposite sex, rejecting parents, when the child did not feel loved and needed, when the basic needs for safety were not met and there were many reasons for anxiety, latent depression is possible in adulthood in the background a constant, poisoned sense of joy in a prosperous life.

3) There are families with a lowered anxiety threshold, the so-called low-differentiated families. Where it is customary to worry even for minor reasons. Whether it's the inability to get through the first time, a slight delay from work or school, an upcoming trip, or any small change in the life of the family.

When terrible pictures of what happened or the future are drawn, all relatives rise to their feet, no one can either calm down himself or calm down another; everyone's anxiety grows, unites and becomes common. This is often the case in a codependent relationship.

Growing up in such a family, the child adopts the behavioral skills of communication and response to certain situations and reproduces them in his adult life. Adults who have left such families are often characterized by an unreasonable fear of the future or fear of the unforeseen, which may be based on the fear of losing control.

How to cope with anxiety with "burdened heredity":

1. It is often helpful to know your family history. The skeleton from the cabinet that saw the light ceases to be a skeleton.

To do this, you can ask the older generation what they were afraid of, what influenced it, how they dealt with their anxiety. I am sure that you will learn many similar situations to yours and will be able to find those whose example will inspire you and give you hope.

Plus, you may suddenly find out where your anxiety comes from. And that she is not yours, but passed to you by inheritance from your mother or grandmother. Who, with their “parting words” and “covenants” (“do this”, “never behave like that, otherwise it will be worse”) actually admonished you to be afraid of what they themselves were afraid of. But what scared them is not the fact that it will scare you. Therefore, it is worth reconsidering their worries, learning to distinguish between their anxiety and your own, and return to them what is not yours and does not suit you.

2. If you are tormented by a constant feeling of depression and nothing in this life pleases, it is better to take the Beck test, which allows you to determine if you have depression. If the fears are confirmed, do not lose heart. It is important to seek the advice of a psychiatrist, as it is in his competence to prescribe medication supportive therapy. Without which, in case of depression, unfortunately, can not do. Now there are many different sparing schemes. And later, with a psychologist or psychotherapist, work out the reasons that caused this condition and find resources to cope with it.

3. If you come from a family where anxiety is common, it is worth writing down the situations where the anxiety is most severe and observing other people or families to see how you can behave differently in these circumstances. This can help you learn about alternative ways of dealing with anxiety and expand your behavioral skills. That is, to become more adaptive.

You can also keep an "alarming" diary, in which, as soon as you feel the onset of anxiety, write down in detail your feelings, the place where you are, the events that preceded this, the duration of the sensations, possible causes, people who surround you, and also evaluate by on a scale from 0 to 10, the strength of the severity of experiences. This will give an understanding of how often, how strongly and under what circumstances this condition occurs.

Negative picture of the world

There can be several reasons for the formation of a negative picture of the world. This is an unreliable type of attachment in childhood (anxious, avoidant, or a combination of both), rejecting parents and a certain style of upbringing and treatment of the child, when close adults not only did not provide protection and safety, but also themselves resorted to physical punishment and other forms of violence.

At the same time, the world is perceived as unsafe and full of trials. There is no trust in him. Often this happens because the child (especially the younger age) gets used to cope with different situations on his own, without receiving the necessary support and comfort. When there is no reliable, loving, emotionally involved adult nearby (for example, a child is often left alone for a long time, or an adult is physically nearby, but emotionally unavailable, for example, when the mother is depressed) or an adult is nearby, but does not adequately respond to the child's needs (when the baby wants to sleep, they play with him; when his stomach hurts, he is fed, etc.)

Also, anxiety is noted in those who in childhood felt unsafe, for whom their parents did not intercede. Providing protection and safety is basically Dad's function. That is why strict upbringing with a tough regime, as well as the frequent use of physical punishment for the slightest offense (especially when a father hits his daughter) has far-reaching consequences. And it's not even about a difficult relationship with the opposite sex.

How to deal with anxiety with a negative worldview?

1. You need to learn to focus on positive events.

In therapy, I call this "moving the spotlight from the usual negative to the positive." It is important not only to limit what is disturbing and upsetting, but also to learn to see the good around.

So, it is important to reduce the viewing of news programs (according to statistics from 10 news, 7-8, if not more, negative, you can check), limit communication with "toxic" people (those who constantly complain, criticize you, compare, devalue; after with whom you feel tired, annoyed or empty), reduce the time of contact with what you do not like.

In contrast, at the end of the day before going to bed, list what was good for the day, even if it was something very small and fleeting. Make it a habit.

2. It is worth analyzing what makes you happy and what upsets you.

Divide the sheet in two and write a minimum of 10 points in both columns. Find time during the day and complete at least one item from the "pleasing" column. Think about how to face less negative events.

3. Self-training, yoga, meditation, relaxation techniques and breathing techniques help to create and strengthen a calm inner feeling.

4. If there was no reliable attachment with your parents (you are used to relying only on yourself) and for various reasons it is now impossible, then you can look already in adulthood for those who could provide you with support, acceptance, consolation and understanding. Among colleagues, girlfriends, teachers, distant relatives, acquaintances. You need to find a person whom you can trust, communication with whom is understandable and comfortable. In some cases, such a person can be a psychologist.

5. Become a parent to yourself: raise your own inner parent, learn to calm down and take care of your inner child on your own. To do this, ask yourself (your child): “What do you want? How can I comfort you? This can be a walk, chatting with friends, a book at night, a bubble bath, a movie, a game, a hobby (construction, drawing, knitting, singing, playing an instrument, jogging, cooking, etc.)

6. Learn to defend yourself. Various trainings for dealing with aggression and anger or playing sports (boxing, self-defense techniques, any ball games) will help here. In personal therapy, it is important to work with your parents if there has been violence in the family or if you have an experience of being unable to protect yourself with other people.

As we learn to protect ourselves and our boundaries, we become more confident, and the world around us no longer seems so intimidating and alarming.

Negative self-image

The image of the self is formed when interacting with significant others. That is why those who criticize, compare, evaluate, overprotective, as well as parents with high expectations or high demands, doom their child to the idea of themselves as "bad", "not good enough", "not coping", "loser", "weakling who needs help all the time."

Which leads to internal tension, insecurity, low self-esteem, and with this to a large number of fears and anxiety. They are afraid of the new, they are afraid of failure, they are afraid of not coping, they are afraid of any changes from this, fear of the future or the unforeseen can be born (which cannot be controlled).

Often they experience a constant poisoned feeling of joy in a prosperous life, since they “live not their own life,” trying to meet someone’s expectations, to do what should be done, and not what one wants. When everywhere you feel you are not good enough or not eligible.

How to deal with anxiety caused by a negative self-image?

1. You have to create a positive image of yourself. It is not fast and easy, but possible. To begin with, in order to assess the scale of the disaster, for several days count how many times you mentally and aloud you praise yourself, and how much you scold. This can be ticked off in two columns as "swearing-praising".

2. If you scold yourself more often than praise, then at the end of the day before going to bed, remember the past day and find at least 5 reasons to praise yourself for. For those from whom their parents expected too much ("Olympic victories" and "Nobel prizes"), it is important to learn, even in small actions and achievements, to see a reason for joy and pride in oneself. Often such people habitually devalue themselves and everything that is not a "red diploma" (and often he too) is not noticed at all. Therefore, find something that yesterday you did not know how or did not try, but today you learned, decided, did. Remember, before a person learned to walk, he fell a thousand times, but this did not prevent him from getting to his feet.

3. Stop comparing yourself to others. You will never compare to a world-class opera singer if your talent lies elsewhere. But get hurt indefinitely and get a lifelong reason to worry. You can only compare yourself with yourself yesterday.

4. In the morning, before getting up, ask yourself: "How can I please myself today?" and try to do it.

5. Ask friends about your strengths that can help you cope with anxiety or fear. Ask them to name at least three.

6. Draw or describe in detail your anxiety or fear. Look at her from afar. Ask yourself questions: “When does it appear? What plans does he have for your life? What are your qualities that help her attack you? And which ones make it weaker? Try to remember a situation when you dealt with anxiety or fear. What helped you then?

Separately, it should be said about children with borderline parents or suffering from alcoholism or mental illness. So, in schizophrenia, relationships are ambivalent and often follow the "love-hate" principle.

In childhood, such people have a lot of chaos and double messages (when words contradict each other or the meaning of the said phrase does not agree with the non-verbal accompaniment. For example, an angry tone says "of course, I love you" or "I need you so much, go away!")

To survive, these children have to cope with frequent anxiety on their own and often become a parent to their parents. They have many repressed emotions and have great difficulty building close, long-term, trusting relationships. They often have an unreasonable fear of the future and an inability to rejoice, even if everything in their life is good at the moment.

Often they think that for any joy, desire or dream come true, they will have to pay with suffering. The hardest thing for them is to learn to praise themselves, to allow themselves to do things for themselves, and to dream. The parent's inner voice sounds bright and strong. In these cases, a lot of work lies ahead and it is better to use the help of a specialist.

How to deal with anxiety?

Each family has its own way of dealing with anxiety. Moreover, they can be both functional and dysfunctional. The latter include smoking, alcohol and other types of addictions. When, in fact, a person avoids meeting himself and his feelings without solving the problem.

Conflict is also a dysfunctional way. In this case, it so happens that the anxiety of one partner provokes the emergence of anxiety in the other and, merging, these two anxieties intensify, prolong and reinforce each other. Someone goes headlong into TV shows, games, the Internet, work only so as not to live a real life and not to face disturbing experiences.

Along with dysfunctional ones, there are ways that not only really help you get through uncomfortable moments, but also benefit. These are sports, reading, creativity, communication, art and even cleaning.

Do what brings joy

Be in touch with yourself and your feelings

Learn to comfort your inner child

Imagine yourself as a little one, take it on your pens and ask: "what are you afraid of, what can I do for you?"

Fulfill childhood desires (One woman with increased anxiety was greatly helped by her little child, asking her to take daily walks before going to bed and the opportunity "as in childhood" to climb onto a snowdrift and lie in the snow; buy a beautiful dress or mascot toy)

Learn to express your emotions

Learn to set boundaries and protect yourself