Fear Of Being Misunderstood

Video: Fear Of Being Misunderstood

Video: Fear Of Being Misunderstood
Video: The Fear of being Misunderstood. 2024, March
Fear Of Being Misunderstood
Fear Of Being Misunderstood
Anonim

If you ask people who is afraid of what, then you can hear a very characteristic set of fears. Disease, death, imprisonment, failure of plans, failures in professional and personal life, etc. are frightening. etc. But one of the most common fears is often ignored by the people. It is the fear of being misunderstood. Say, it really rarely happens? In such a clear and formalized form, it is indeed rare. But tell me, who does not have a chill on the skin if your words were suddenly misinterpreted or found subtext in them? Although, it would seem, they misunderstood you, get better, if the person does not understand anyway, then you can shrug your shoulders and go about your business, leave your opponent with his cockroaches. But no. There are a lot of people who, realizing that the interlocutor misunderstood them, almost panic. For them, the interpretation of a stranger is equal to a threat to the person, even if this interpretation is completely idiotic. For example, you said that you love apples, but it was understood that you hate carrots. Here, on the one hand, this fear is associated with the threat of losing love. If people decided that I hate carrots, then they, admirers of carrots, will not love and respect me. On the other hand, a person feels the threat of losing control over the social situation. If now I do not quickly prove to people my loyalty to carrots, the situation will worsen, the whole world will know that I hate carrots. And there you can't explain anything to people, because if I don't like carrots, it will be clear that I still hate beets and turnips…. And there it will continue to rush. This fear in strength and manifestation is not the same for everyone. Like all other phobias, they can be divided into 3 degrees of severity:

  1. A sharp unpleasant feeling arises when the interlocutors ask again or clarify what has been said. Or negative experiences arise when the interlocutor says "in fact, you did not mean this, but something else." After the incident, there is a rather long "aftertaste" in the form of bad mood, irritability or unpleasant thoughts about what happened.
  2. When planning communication with people, there is anxiety that they will misunderstand. Outside of this situation, there are no special manifestations.
  3. A person is constantly concerned that he is not understood. Because of this, he limits his connections, and life, for a long time, is worried about "failures". Even where everyone seems to understand each other, a person may have fear or anxiety associated with that, and suddenly something remains incomprehensible and will be interpreted incorrectly.

Everything, as usual, from childhood. Probably everyone has encountered misunderstanding on the part of their parents. When a child still does not know how to speak, but already has needs, parents may not understand his requirements. Feed when cold or dress when hungry. But this is a common thing and children with their parents, in the end, get along with each other. Those. such a situation is normal, and even, the idea is expressed that it is important for the development of the child. But later, when the child quite speaks to himself, and even has an opinion, parents can turn his words over in order to cause him to feel guilty. And guilt, as you know, in some families is the main lever and instrument of education. At the same time, any, even a neutral phrase or behavior of the child can be twisted so that it turns out that he has conceived or wanted something indecent or offensive. He, for example, not only does not want porridge, but wants to offend his mother's culinary abilities. He doesn't just look at the pies on the table, but wants to brazenly gobble them all up and leave them to no one. How not ashamed to be such an egoist and a glutton! Even if the child did not have any bad thoughts about the pies, it is very difficult for him to abstract from the parent's statement. What a parent says is not disputed by a child up to a certain age. Those. at the same time he has “two truths” available. One is about the fact that he didn’t think anything like that, the other, that “my mother knows better what I thought”. The first possible defense is to justify and explain. But with such parents, explanations do not work. They are not satisfied with all this in order to understand the child. In addition, the very situation of catching a child on shameful, far from always can be tied to any one type of behavior. When parents want to test the strength of control over their offspring, they immediately come up with a reason. Based on this, the child constantly expects that he will be caught in something shameful, which he does not yet know about. Depending on how often the parents used such tactics, and how impressionable the child was, and fear develops. From an insignificant feeling that you cannot properly explain to people what you want to a feeling of your global inadequacy. In the latter case, the child does not sufficiently develop the boundaries of the personality, a weak concept and a feeling that he is generally some kind of "unknown animal" filled with dirty and shameful desires. There are several things to consider when dealing with this fear.

  1. It is perfectly normal that we cannot always express our desires and feelings accurately and clearly. Sometimes we really do not quite clearly understand what is happening to us.
  2. Not only you cannot tell people something intelligibly. People can also, for various reasons, not understand what they are told. Someone does not have enough resources to understand, someone has no desire to understand what they are being told. For example, people with overvalued ideas, no matter how they dance in front of them, will understand what has been said only within the framework of their fixed idea.
  3. If some people do not understand you, this does not mean that they are the very group by which to evaluate the population of the earth. The sample of acquaintances and neighbors may not be all that good.
  4. Distinguish understanding people from their projections. Very often the phrase "but in fact you mean …" is followed by a landing of their cockroaches. It is impossible to stop the disembarkation. Those. their reaction is completely irrelevant to your personality. You just said the code word and the cockroach landing was raised on alarm.

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