Narcissistic Mother

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

Eh, sometimes I like to look at the top! Here, for a couple of days, I was thinking of writing a post in continuation of the topic of mental hygiene, etc. And then one modern writer Miss Tramel issued a post from the depths of the subconscious about the forthcoming inexorable success of her unborn and not even conceived children. Because the text is very characteristic, I cannot resist the temptation not to insert my 5 kopecks.

In the preface, I will say that the original idea was to talk about family problems. In general, the family, it is, kakbe, conceived so that people could be there in safety, tranquility and contentment. Family members, according to the idea of nature, should support each other to varying degrees. There, of course, there are alphas and scales of individuals, who get family resources in different ways, but still get everyone. And all of the alphas and gammas are held together by dopamine, oxytacin and a number of other hormones (well, let's concentrate on dopamine, since we are mainly talking about it). And dopamine is released to all members of the group because family life, from the point of view of the survival of the species, is more successful. Now it is no longer necessary to huddle together because it is easier to fill up a cave bear and stone a mammoth in a heap. However, using natural dopamine gifts in the presence of relatives is not prohibited for anyone. There is only one setback. Relationships in the family are often so complicated that there is no way to relax and enjoy … Sometimes, even for a second, you cannot doze off so as not to grab an adrenaline knockout. Cases and sources of knockout are different, but, quite often, daughters get knockouts from narcissistic mothers. This problem, in fact, is quite widespread, because we have daffodils in store for many years. Moreover, narcissistic parents, as a rule, are not able to adequately raise a child due to their characteristics. Those. they cannot create conditions for the offspring to develop into an independent self-sufficient person. From narcissistic mothers, both sons and daughters get it, but the latter more, because the mother sees in her daughter a competitor in many ways. I'll explain why later. In general, initially, the future narcissistic mother plans that her child will be the best and he will have all the best. It’s not like the dreams of every young woman pretending to be a mother, it’s 100% confidence flavored with arrogance. Those. the main idea of a child's existence is not the child itself and motherhood, but a way of protecting one's unstable self. From the very beginning, the child is generally not considered as a person. It is either part of the narcissist or part of the setting. From this and the attitude towards the child is appropriate. Let me explain clearly. Can you love your right ear? Undoubtedly. Moreover, you can truly admire your ear. But imagine that your ear suddenly doesn't want to go shopping with you or wants to have friends of its own. What's this? This is some kind of schizophrenia. The ear must be fought somehow! It somehow needs to be treated or influenced. Imagine, the ear may want to live separately! How are you without an ear. Not that you will miss him … But it’s somehow uncomfortable and unusual. And in general … to wear earrings one at a time or what …? Can you love the bedside table in the corner of the room? Of course, and, nevertheless, you can also admire her. But it is quite clear that the bedside table has completely narrow indications for use, and no one asks at the bedside table where it should stand, what paint to cover it with and what brahlo to keep in its drawers. Negotiations with furniture and tolerance for its furniture needs … this is already … ill health. Now the time has come, and the narcissistic mother decided to show a miracle, to shock the world with the birth of a beautiful child. The first time it sticks around somewhere in 4-5 months of pregnancy, when the latter begins to make itself felt in one way or another. In general, all sorts of unpleasant events such as childbirth await ahead, which cannot be avoided. You can, of course, say that there is to adopt a child or, there, surrogate motherhood, but you understand that the child will not be perfect there. Maybe bad genetics, or bad influence (suddenly the surrogate mother gets sick with something) … here you can not trust anyone. Have an abortion or an artificial birth? It won't work either. Firstly, the idea of hitting the world is still present, and secondly, abortion and artificial childbirth are also not a fountain, what a delight. There are many more personal things. As a result, somewhere in this period, narcissistic mothers suffer from doubts about getting rid of the child, and as a result, with a creak, the pregnancy continues until delivery. It is about this period that they later put together ballads, which they tell children “here I didn’t have an abortion / artificial birth”, “if I hadn’t been 4 months with you at that time” … In general, the absolute majority want only a son. Daughter on ultrasound is a blow below the belt. All you need is a son who will become the president and ruler of the galaxy. No daughter, she is second class. Women are not so readily accepted for presidency, and even more so for the rulers of the galaxy. Imagination immediately begins to draw them that their daughter will be a bitch, a prostitute and a freeloader, and the mother will only suffer with her. Some get rid of the child of the wrong gender. Others already feel negative about their daughter in advance. That is, the key point here is not that a woman wants a boy, but that she hates her daughter even before her birth and sees her own life failure in the fact of her existence. Childbirth for women is usually difficult. For psychological reasons. The very process of childbirth causes a sharp protest in them. It does not matter whether it is paid or not paid, with or without acquaintances, the woman remains unhappy. With a child, problems arise almost immediately. The baby is a living creature and, although dependent on the mother, is still separate. The narcissistic mother does not understand and does not feel well the needs of the child. Let's go back to the ear and bedside example. If you are tired, then it is assumed that the ear is tired too, if you are hungry, then the ear also wants. And imagine that your desires do not coincide with the ear. You want to eat and feed your ear, ear … sorry … vomits on you … Well, what can we say about the bedside table! Imagine that you did everything according to the furniture care instructions, and the bedside table starts to make noise at night, and you find under it … a pile of feces. Right on the expensive parquet! The bedside table very persistently wants you to remove the pile and after that smear it, the bedside table, with oils, wrap it in paper, sing to it and carry it in your arms! And so every day throughout the year, or even more! Now you understand that if the narcissist can withstand all this, then he later remembers caring for a child as a personal feat. It was really not easy for the narcissistic mom. Sometimes, she manages to fuse the child into his most indigestible age, grandparents. This is very good, because all subsequent problems with the child will be chronically guilty. If it does not burn out with grandparents, then the child is chronically annoying to the mother. If this is a daughter, then she is constantly in the eyes of the mother stupid, clumsy, unlucky, and a lot of all sorts of not that describe the daughter's imperfections. If the mother does not distinguish between herself and the child, she constantly walks with her daughter, communicates with the children for her, solves all issues, buys clothes, toys, etc. What she likes, because it is clear that her daughter likes it. Can't she like something else. If there is a wall between the mother and the daughter, then the mother can completely forget about the child. Not celebrating birthdays, forgetting to buy her clothes, forgetting to pick her up from school. Both types can ignore the child's problems. The first type is ignored because it does not understand that there is a problem (the mother does not have a problem, as a child can have a problem), the second type simply does not want to know that there is a problem. Accordingly, in adolescence, the first type continues to loiter everywhere after his daughter, to interfere with her relationships and affairs. Any attempts of the girl to solve something on her own are resolutely suppressed. After all, no one would want the ear to heal as a separate life. The second type, gives his daughter as much freedom as she wants, but severely punishes for deviations from the general line of the party + demands reckoning for the work (I gave birth to you!). As adults, children of narcissistic mothers continue a difficult relationship with their mother. A mother who knows no boundaries betrays her and lives a family life with her and her husband. But only so that the daughter is not very happy. Relations with her husband are constantly swinging so that the daughter is next to her mother. Sometimes the mother even achieves a divorce if the husband suddenly turns out to be too confident in himself. In the absence of contact, the mother eventually begins to simply use her daughter, as much as possible. If the daughter succeeds, then the mother demands that the daughter share with her and even support her because she (the mother) did not have an abortion in the 5th month. But she could! So docha, come on, cuff. If the daughter is not so successful in her life, her mother will regularly nag for it. He will willingly take what he can, for "there is even a tuft of wool from the black sheep." It is clear that the daughter will always be imperfect, because there is only one higher being - the mother herself. Those. the daughter initially lacks a chance to evoke any recognition from her mother. Therefore, daughter's problems are nonsense. The mother is not interested in them, or is only interested in the way that this is a recognition that she, an unhappy woman, gave birth to a "complete fool." There is always an ideal on the side - a neighbor, a relative, another classmate, who is a "wonderful girl." There is a constant comparison with her, naturally not in favor of her child. And of course, the mother constantly compares the success of her offspring with herself. But the mother is always better and more important, her problems are more urgent and important, her interests are more important. If the daughter succeeds, then the mother notices that in the same years she had only 100 times more (suitors, job offers, etc.). Or would have, if not for the ugly child sitting on her neck. Mamo always knows how to skillfully "put down" her daughter if she suddenly begins to think too much about herself. Sometimes with direct insults, sometimes with an affectionate reproach or reminder. It doesn't cost her anything to make a cute tactless remark to her daughter, which will put her on the level of a teenager or even a 5-year-old. If a daughter starts to argue and tries to defend herself or finally send her mother to hell, she always knows how. make your daughter feel like a bastard. Each such mom knows the approach to her child. Therefore, all attempts to somehow sort out the conflict end with the child feeling like a "bad girl who upsets his mother." And sometimes it is also forced to ask for forgiveness. As I said, a daughter, especially one who has more or less successful life, is often used as a source of income. Some mothers owe millions to their children, and this despite the fact that children are far from fattening. Money is spent on all sorts of crap, without counting and calculating. In general, initially no one is going to return them, because the child must be on the coffin. All attempts to somehow return the money are met with a narcissistic frenzy, where the mother pompously talks about her merits and tramples the child in the mud. If the child is persistent with the repayment of debts, the mother can hire and spread rumors about her daughter, hire bandits, and call the psychiatric brigade, and submit an application to the prosecutor's office. Well … you know … when the bedside table or ear raged and want to taste your resources, then we must act decisively. Do not think that the mother is happy in this situation. She is as unhappy as her daughter. She can feel needed and important only in the conditions she creates. Just a child from birth in her hands, like clay from which she sculpts the support of her deformed personality.and since a child is still another creature that develops according to its own laws, the mother, in order not to collapse at all, is constantly required to correct her creation in spite of the protests of this creature. So … narcissistic mother, this is an eternal battle for her daughter. Which, of course, does not bring any mental health or reassurance. Those who have such a parent will have to work very hard in order to normalize their lives. Here, first of all, you need to start with in order to form your personality in isolation from your mother. It should be borne in mind that mamo will terribly resist, and it will be hard for you too. The first step is to recognize that your childhood was with such a person … to digest this … to throw away the undigested and leave only that which will truly fuel your life and personality. Yes, even though childhood could be really terrible and traumatic, but still, the overwhelming majority have at least crumbs of positive. And this very material is needed to build your life. Well, as for the lady-modern-writer … If anyone knows himself, be attentive to your motives for the birth of children.