Male Love Myths

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Video: Male Love Myths

Video: Male Love Myths
Video: 16 Male lovers of Apollo and Heracles (Gods and Heroes) 2024, March
Male Love Myths
Male Love Myths
Anonim

The first five myths are mainly characteristic of men who have gone deep into spiritual development, many of whom are my friends for many years. They are engaged in their spiritual growth and, unfortunately, believe everything will come by itself, "God himself will lead his love to him." At the same time, they say: "I really want a family and I want children, so that the woman I love waits for me at home every day."

The rest of the myths are common to all men, and you will recognize them, since many cultural works are built on them. And we often hear them at all sorts of family gatherings, and I think that the men in the bathhouse are also discussing something from this …

But the most important thing is what I want to say with this article. The myths about love among men are harmful because they prevent these men from building healthy and happy relationships in their lives today. And the saddest thing is that even and never in my entire life will not know a deep and happy relationship with the girl of their dreams.

My most important task is to take care of myself, and IT will come into my life by itself

Truth: Why doesn't it come by itself? This is correct: when you have already done enough inner work, then it is important not to cling to the goal. Maintain a golden balance. But the job of finding a girl, when you have already created a basic level, needs to be done every day. Set specific search goals and take steps on them every day. Every day of correspondence, dates, acquaintances. What is a baseline? It is more or less to define your vocation and start taking at least the first steps towards it, this is learning how to manage finances, accumulate, earn enough for basic financial independence, undergo personal therapy to heal your emotional world, create a self-support system - a healthy male circle, and read-learn how to build healthy relationships in practice with other people. And when you are ready, then it's time to start acting - look for a girl, go on dates more than once and do it purposefully, not from time to time or when it happens from above. "God has no hands other than ours." I'm writing about healthy relationships. If you are not interested in a healthy relationship, you can at least when, at least how and at least with someone to enter into a relationship, or not at all to enter into them for the rest of your life! This is your will.

2. Now I want to invest in business, develop it all and then create a relationship. I want a relationship, but first I want to make more money, travel.

Truth: The Myth About Making Money. When you set the right soul goal - to create a couple, then all areas of life begin to improve. In general, every healthy adult person has the following goal: to create a happy and healthy couple and go to this and create it as early as possible. Nature intended it so. And already with the girl to move together. This is better than she will come to everything ready. She will support you all this way. For which you are important, and not just your money. Yes, money is important, but not more important than your soul. Many wealthy men are worried about this topic. And it is right. A girl should not use everything that is ready, be immature and infantile, and if you need support in your crises, it turns out that she is not ready to go further with you in life. Walk together into prosperity and greater wealth. Or do you have certain complexes that you hope to cover up with your money? This is an unhealthy base. It is worth paying first of all to self-esteem, to your own dignity - first of all, personal. There are many ways now how you can improve this.

3. I want to improve my health first

Truth: Health. If a person can never improve their health, so what - do not pair? You can improve a little so that you have support and already look for a girl. For example, if you want to achieve perfect health, then look for a girl who is also interested in this goal and together you will go towards this goal, it will be more fun together.

4. First, I want to grow personally, then the girl will come into my life by herself

Truth:

If you set a specific goal to create a couple, then personal growth is already included in it. Or are you just engaged in personal growth all your life … Personal growth should be oriented towards some goal, a dream. One life is not enough for all these qualities in order to become an ideal person. The first is to develop those qualities that are needed in your personal life. Time may pass, and you will not create a pair.

Yes, we need to be whole and balanced, but we should not focus only on making money, for example. You can work and work all your life to earn this million, while with a girl you can earn it in two months, well, two years.. There are many examples when men, inspired by their woman and their family, moved mountains and created super powerful business empires.

Moreover, studies already conducted have proven that behind every successful person is his woman (wife, mother) or his inspiring family.

I saw men in their 70s who came to us and they were lonely and very sorry about it. I do not speak just like that and I myself sit invent, and these are real life cases - the truth of life as it is. I thank those men who shared with me.

5. It is important for me first to be filled with love, to become a magnet of love, and then the girl herself will be attracted.

Truth: Let's talk about the channel. To fill up, you need to undergo therapy. It won't come by itself until you go through a really deep course of psychotherapy. And I know many men who seem to be filled with love, but they are still lonely. And while they say: "I want a family." It is necessary to learn male healthy behavior in love. And it is active!

So let's move on?

6. The main thing is that she is young and beautiful, and internally - I will educate her (I will correct her brains).

Truth: About "I'll raise her." A good example of my dad. He is a handsome actor from Moscow arriving in a provincial town. And he meets her. He still says, more than 30 years later: “I thought, this is what a naive young girl. I will fully educate her for myself. " "So what? Happened?" my mother asks him. “No,” the father replies. But how much struggle there was about this all my childhood! And everything is useless. And so, any man should remember - a person is formed in childhood. And then he changes only of his own free will. But to remake for yourself - this is possible only by masterful harsh, dishonest methods such as psychic attacks and all kinds of psychological weapons, which is not healthy and is not suitable for a healthy relationship in general.

7. My ideal woman can only be a girl 20 years younger than me. Only she will respect, appreciate and obey me.

Truth: There was such an example - a successful man tells me that his previous relationship collapsed due to the fact that his wife was always carried away by friends and he lacked her attention. When I find out how old she was, it turned out that she was 20 years younger than him. And it's natural for her age to focus on making connections and making friends. I suggested that he create a relationship with a woman the same age or slightly younger than him. Because his needs were, as he voiced - in a relationship with a loving, understanding and one who devotes a lot of time and attention to him. I explained - these are the qualities of a mature woman, a husband of a woman. What is the problem? There are cool beautiful, sexy smart and well-groomed women about the same level with him. The point is, obeying and obeying is not about a healthy relationship! Thank God there are men who understand this. Recently I read an article by a psychologist who leads a group of men. And he says there that in his group, normal, successful men do not want dependent, a little frivolous young girls who need to be cared for to some extent, they want their peers for relationships, who are independent, whole women, at the same time smart and beautiful. And yes, this man reconsidered his views - he was tired of being a tired, lonely bachelor. By the way, for this I had to work on myself, to understand - where is this fear that a woman will not obey, that you have to subjugate a woman like an obstinate animal. Why are you afraid of a wise, independent and successful woman? Is it because you yourself are still a small, distrustful, resentful little boy at heart? Then work on yourself to change it, grow and mature internally for a relationship.

8. A woman with a child is already bad.

Truth: About a woman with a child - this is either also a fear of inability to build a relationship with a child, or you are strongly hypnotized by stories from your unfortunate relatives and friends. I have heard a tremendous amount of stories about wonderful stepfathers. And about the children that these stepfathers simply adore. And here's what I'll tell you - if you can't build a good healthy relationship with your adopted child, then you can't build it with your family. That is, you either know how to get along with yourself, as well as with children, or you do not know how to get along and love your inner child, which means that you have the same attitude towards all outer children.

9. I can change. This is the nature of men.

Truth: About treason. According to Otto Kernberg, a world-renowned psychotherapist who studied norms and pathologies in love, being himself a wonderful family man - there is no such thing in male nature. Each partner in a pair - both man and woman, wants to be sure that they are the only ones. When a man fulfills all his sexual needs and fantasies with his one woman, he is much happier and experiences deeper feelings. It is important for partners to realize that they both made a choice and are not looking for others.

10. The girl after the registry office - will be the same goddess as before.

Truth: When you are in the romance stage, the girl seems like a magical fairy, but she is a real person, and you will see it when you become husband and wife. Your feelings of euphoria, then rebellion, protest, bargaining (struggle for freedom), sadness and sadness for your bachelor life are normal. These are the stages of accepting inevitable changes. The fact that negative feelings on your wife are included - perhaps due to the copying of your father's behavior or your childhood traumas. They need to be worked out with a psychologist. Because it’s not normal if you look at the girl’s changes after the wedding through horror, regret, and other painful feelings. She's just a person, accepting this, you can, as before, be sexy and loving. But she cannot always be a fairy. She is weak and needs your support, she is without a resource, and then perhaps, if you can, then you will be the resource. And then everything will change. I hope your girlfriend is a healthy woman in love. And when you are not in the resource, she will be able to support you.

11. If a girl refuses, does not want to meet, says that it's over, then she just imagines, it's all a game. I must at all costs, to the last drop of my blood, seek her love.

Truth: If a girl says she doesn't want to go beyond the relationship, just try. Say you don't want to lose her and don't let her go. But if she still insists on ending the relationship, then this is not a game. Believe me, if a girl is healthy and normal, she will never use such tricks. She may just disappear for a while to make you flare up and understand her value in your life. But if she is emotionally healthy and sincerely loves you, she will never play such unfair games with you and enjoy your endless torment. Just accept it and go find the one that really loves you.

12. I have to sleep with a girl in the first 3 days, otherwise the relationship will go badly later.

Truth: Hello, men's pickup trainings! About sleeping with a girl in the first three days. No healthy girl who wants to create a healthy relationship will agree to sleep with a man in the first three days. This means - you doom yourself knowingly to be only in unhealthy relationships with girls with whom you will have serious problems. And think, what is this fear about? Fear that you are dependent? Fear that the power is in the hands of a girl? Fear that she will leave you? It's all about childhood traumas, my dear man, who wants to create a happy relationship! It is important to heal, then you will think right and choose the right girls for relationships.

13. I have to go through as many girls as possible and check them in bed as soon as possible - this is the only way I can find that one.

Truth: About trying as many girls as possible. There was a man who tried and tried. He is already 50 years old. But he never found it. Because in bed, a girl for him as a person is not revealed. This is the nature of women, they need time. And he does not see the soul in them, does not see what it is. And many of them were His Dream, were a suitable party, but he passed, even flew past them like a rocket. And he is still lonely. When he was offered in the first weeks not to drag the girl to bed, and he trained to do this already, it was incredibly difficult for him. And scary. This is all also a fear of deep, close, intimate relationships. But only they are deep and close, they can be healthy and happy. What to do? Of course, you need to deal with this with everything. There are many ways to go through this kind of therapy to stop fearing healthy deep love and long-term relationships. Stop being afraid to make your choice once and for all like who? Like a real man! Do you want to meet a real woman? Then become a real man.

14. If a girl asks for help, then she is in the mood for a romantic relationship with me.

Truth: If a girl asks for help, then most often she considers you as a supportive friend of hers (exceptions are possible, probably). I know that many men help a woman he likes because they hope that someday she will see what a good person he is, appreciate it and be with him. At the same time, he is afraid to talk about his feelings - otherwise she will tell the truth that she does not have feelings for him, as for a man, but as a friend - yes, that she is happy to have a friend like him. Or he will not say anything and continue his game, keep him as if on a leash. As a fallback, maybe. Any woman has ever played such a game. And this is not a very healthy game. And not very honest. And you may be wasting your precious time, which you could use to find and create healthy and happy relationships with the woman of your dreams, loving and the one who sees in you not only a friend, but also a man.

15. If in a relationship we have conflicts - everything will resolve itself or let it change, and I am already perfect, I have nothing to work on myself. I am always right.

Truth: When there are conflicts in a relationship, you should always contact a specialist. And your responsibility is here too. There is work to do. Or you were really wrong about something and behaved in an unhealthy way. You need to work with the causes of conflicts, with what needs are not being met, with what your traumas are manifested so that you start a conflict or get involved in a conflict. And even if in reality the girl is completely wrong, you have something to work on. Why did you attract, choose her and continue to be in a relationship with her? Why is all this happening? If she has serious problems why haven't you found a healthier girl yet with her? It is with this mechanism that you have to figure it out. How do you heal your injuries and change your strategies so that you see and choose healthy girls?

sixteen. If a woman is the first to take the initiative in a relationship and the first to initiate a date, romance and relationships, then it's okay. If she's a good person, if I'm calm with her, then why not?

Truth: Nature is so conceived that a man is a winner, a hunter, a getter. And a healthy relationship always begins with a man's feelings - when he saw a girl and realized that she was HIS DREAM. And then he is the first to approach her and begin the steps towards acquaintance. He acts like a leader. He chooses her primarily at the erotic level. And later he already finds out whether it is possible to build a relationship with her and live his whole life. This is the jungle principle, I call it. There are more males in nature. And they surround the female and, as it were, compete for her love. This is normal in the nature of things. This is what the creator intended. This is how a man manifests itself. And the female never runs after the man. She is pleased with herself. Even our cat, when she was ready for a relationship, she went out into the yard and all cats from everywhere ran to her. She did not run anywhere from her yard in search of a male. The male chooses the female, then he starts courting and courting her, you know that mating dances are common everywhere in nature. She sees that she is valuable to you, for her sake you are ready for action, for deeds, for competition with other males, for victory! And for her, this is an indicator of the seriousness of your intentions and your attitude. Then, by the nature of things, she chooses the most reliable male, the winner, the strongest and most devoted to her male choice - the choice of her female. A man makes a choice of his woman in the first few seconds of dating. And if the girl was the first to see a partner in you and came up and took the initiative in the relationship, then she is not the one who made you rush forward to her cherished prize that you have been looking for all your life. And a relationship with her will never be a valuable gift and reward, for you as a man. And this is not a very good basis for a relationship. Remember, a healthy girl will never fall in love and build a relationship first. She has a sober and healthy outlook on love. But it is important to distinguish: there are girls who are not healthy, but who have studied the art of flirting very well. If at the beginning of a relationship you realize that you were wrong, then it is important to end the relationship. It is important to look for a healthy girl in order to be a truly happy and inspired hero. If a girl is emotionally unhealthy, then she will never be able to support you, inspire you, in difficult times she can also create even more problems and God knows what other emotional baggage she has …

And the last one:

17. If I am angry, I will express everything, then she will take me seriously and obey.

Truth: It is precisely in a healthy relationship that Otto Kernberg sees an unprofitable strategy to speak in an evil heat, to speak when you are angry so that you can be heard. First, if you get angry, you must break contact and exit. Everything that is important for you to receive from a partner, as well as for your woman from you, is important to discuss when both of you are in a good mood and calm. So go jogging or hitting a punching bag. Secondly, it is better to discuss such feelings, painful as anger, and others with your psychologist, in your support group, with your confessor, since our partner is not our psychologist. And this is very important for a healthy relationship, since your anger may not even be at your partner in fact, but from your old traumas and previous negative life experiences. It can be a transfer of feelings - and what has a partner to do with it? This expression of anger only destroys and aggravates your conflict, and does not supposedly dot all the i's. It's important to work through those feelings and master the art of managing anger. Otherwise, a healthy woman will leave you, and an unhealthy woman, with her behavior of a victim, will provoke you even more to express anger, and then it will be difficult for you to stop altogether. A huge number of men turn to me with this very problem. And it's hard for them to live and deal with it on their own. But you need to work on this in parallel so that you both can get out of this game "Victim Tyrant Rescuer" (Karpman).

After talking with my old unmarried acquaintance, I heard from him the first five myths in one casual conversation on the street. And for that I am very grateful to him. Since the topic of the post, which is so relevant for men, has matured. And I came across the rest of the myths in my psychological practice and working with single men in the Marriage Agency, whom we helped create happy couples. Perhaps later I will add more myths that I did not have time to indicate in this post. I look forward to seeing ideas in your comments.

I strongly believe that letting go of these myths will help men create healthy and truly happy relationships in their lives.

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