2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
- Would you like some soup?
- No thanks.
- Maybe potatoes?
- No thanks.
- Give herring?
- No.
- Sausages?
- No thanks!
- Cheese?
“If I need anything, I’ll ask, okay?”
- Well, come on with a tomato?
- Let me figure out for myself what is?
“But you don’t know where that lies.
- Believe me, if I need anything, I'll ask.
- We have jam here … give jam?
- I DO NOT WANT. THANKS.
- Sausages … dumplings … there are cucumbers. Come on cucumbers?
- …
- Come on cucumbers?
- …
- N, can you hear me ?!
“… I hear.
- Come on cucumbers?
- Thank you, I'm full.
- Why did you get up? You're hungry!
“Maybe I’ll decide for myself whether I’m hungry or not?”
“You don’t know.
- How, how I don't know?
- Do not you know.
“You’ll decide for me whether I’m hungry or not?” What do I eat ?! Seriously?!
- Well, you're hungry …
Absolutely real dialogue. No artistic embellishments.
What is wrong here, what do you think? That's right, it's not like that.
Emotional abuse is hidden under the guise of caring. These are a couple of the trickiest tricks I've come across in my life:
- violence under the guise of care;
- violence by different statements of the same question.
It is difficult to recognize right away. The person shows concern. Offers you different options for something. It doesn't matter whether it's the food, the color of the gift tie, or the university you can go to. But you feel bad. Why? Because you didn't ask for it, you didn't want it. You did not choose to suppress your own desires and possibilities. In fact, care is appropriate on two levels: when the other person gives us the opportunity to take care of him (not to be confused with selfishness - the requirement of this care), and when the other person has no choice but to provide this opportunity (young age, trauma). A healthy adult is accustomed to taking care of himself at all levels, and accepting care from another for him becomes not a vital necessity, but an act of love for another person. But love ends where the pressure begins.
What does a caring emotional rapist want? First and foremost - CONTROL. It all starts and ends with control. I control what you eat. How much do you eat. I control your saturation level. I control when you eat. I control when you get up from the table. I control what you can or cannot take. It's all about control, which is achieved by suppressing the will of the victim and invoking guilt. Everyone knows how monotonous hypnosis lowers the level of consciousness, and therefore weakens the will. Tick tock. Is this for you? Tick tock. What do you want? Tick tock. Consciousness gets confused by the complete illogicality of the approach. You don't understand what they want from you. While you are looking for an answer to this question, hypnosis continues. Tick tock. Have you lost your temper? Let's get down to the second act.
Ungrateful. I care about you, and you. An element of gaslighting is immediately intertwined, for where is your factual evidence of emotional abuse? There are none, only care is on the surface. To make out such tricky things, it is almost necessary to record them on a dictaphone, so that later you can figure out what happened. It can be difficult to catch, realize and suppress this inside a situation. But let's think frankly: what kind of guilt can we talk about if you were shown not love, but violence? If they wanted NOT YOU, but ABOUT YOU. Satisfying YOUR needs is about you. In such pseudo-care, the object of violence is only a tool with which the rapist scratches his ego. I care about everyone. You are all nothing without me, nowhere. You will do everything as I need it. Etc. This type of rapist prefers to surround himself with obedient dolls, seat them in his ideal dollhouse and drink tea. On their own rules. Naturally, all pupae support the owner. Otherwise, the pupa is not recognized by the owner as alive, its right to exist is categorically rejected. "Sharp objects" is all about that, who knows.
What else is important to say here? The caring rapist assumes the role of the Adult, and the victim imposes the role of the Child. When trying to get out of the already drawn pattern of violence, the victim is declared a "Child" by the rapist himself. "Behaving like a little" is about that. It means that you behave in such a way that I cannot influence you. Your existence as an adult, whole person with its own needs and capabilities is ignored. Either play, or you don't exist for me.
How can one escape this murderous concern? Keep your innocence to yourself like a shield. You are not a child, they are trying to make a child out of you. Your healthy resistance to this unnatural process is completely normal. You have to learn to ignore ignoring you. That is, if the rapist does not see the result of your suppression, he "turns off" you. Offended simply. And this is just a new round of manipulation (see the feeling of guilt). But the fact that you were "turned off" by one offended child (yes) does not mean that you disappeared for the rest of the world. For myself. You have you and the whole world. This is the second strongest defense. Finally, the third is to reduce the anxiety of the guilty person. The existence of your needs, desires, your personality is not a mistake, but the most correct and logical thing in the world. You have the right to refuse what is imposed on you, you have the right to leave, you have the right to be angry in response to aggression, you have the right to speak out loud about yourself. I AM. Admit this to yourself, and the circle of violence, into which you had the great misfortune to fall, will give a deep life-giving crack …
Recommended:
Self-care And What Is True Self-love
How to feel self-love and take care of yourself? Self-love and self-care are often confused with selfishness and conceit. Taking care of yourself means doing something pleasant for yourself, not stressing yourself, having fun and having an easy time.
“I Don’t Care About Your Feelings. And I Lived For Many Years Without Any Feelings. Why Should I Change Now ?! " Case From Practice
Oksana, a young unmarried woman of 30 years old, turned for psychotherapy due to a general feeling of emptiness, the loss of any meaning and a vacuum in values. According to her, she was "completely confused", did not know "what she wants in life and from life.
EMERGENCY PSYCHOLOGICAL CARE: HOW TO HELP A PERSON WITH GORNESS
Anything can happen to each of us. At any time, we can meet people who have suffered from natural disasters and accidents, who have lost their loved ones or their home, who are forced to watch how their whole usual life is crumbling before our eyes.
Resentment As A Tool For Self-care
Yesterday I had an insight that there are two types of offense: internal and external. An external offense is an offense that is caused by a real violation of previously reached agreements and the destruction of expectations, which had all the right to exist, since the agreements were voiced and heard by the parties.
Why Not Take Care Of Me? Why Do Men Care About Other Women But Not Me?
Complaints about lack of care are more typical for women, while men can talk about it with a certain sense of dignity (“The woman doesn't care about me like that… And why?”). However, in any case, a person begins to ask himself a painful question - what is wrong with me, why is it given to others, but not to me?
