“It Is Closed” (case From Practice About Relationships)

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

I will say right away that the work was carried out in a social panorama (Lucas Derks), where it is understood that the location of the projections of externalized internal phenomena shows their bilateral relations with a person, and their change (projections) leads to internal changes.

In other words, if you imagine a person in the space around you, then the place and distance that he will take in relation to you will be definite (non-random), having under itself the meaning and meaning that the unconscious puts in. A change in location will affect the mutual relations between people.

In addition, other coding and methods of therapy were included in the work at the session.

A young woman (32 years old), we will call her Anastasia, asked for a consultation. Together with Anastasia, we have worked before, successfully solving various problems. Now she was worried about the topic of relationships with her young man, we will call him Oleg.

Anastasia's stated problem was that she “cannot plan for the future” with Oleg, with whom she has been in a relationship for several months. The reason was voiced by Oleg's behavior. In those moments when Anastasia tried to talk to him about topics of cohabitation or cohabitation, Oleg quickly closed the conversation. Oleg referred to the fact that first you need to sort out other issues, “clean up” tasks at work and “then it will be possible to solve”.

Added to Anastasia's feelings was dissatisfaction with the balance between how much Oleg invests in relationships and how much she invests. “I’m pulling this relationship so that it develops,” said Nastya.

Nastya had her own conclusions and generalizations, which we analyzed in order to get to the bottom of the problem. Nastya said that, unfortunately, no matter what she tried, Oleg did not go to the right conversation. Having initially accepted this, Nastya and I agreed that she needed new ways of behavior, which we agreed to create at the next meeting.

It was at the next session that Nastya made tangible progress in relationships, she felt a different degree of acceptance and understanding from Oleg.

There was still a week before this meeting, and at that time her answers were replaying in my memory, and I realized that I had rushed to conclusions, since her story was not connected. Something important was overlooked, not found and voiced. I expressed my thoughts to Nastya at the next session and heard her approval that something else was wrong. Therefore, before psychotechnological work, it was decided to "twist" the problem at the consulting stage. However, consulting now took only a few minutes.

- It is closed and cannot open in any way, - said Nastya. - I do not understand him.

This phrase put everything else in place. I realized that I could now push off from this and begin psychotechnological work, which we immediately began.

I took a chair standing on the side of the wall, turned it in front of the sitting Nastya at a distance of 5 meters from her and began to move slowly towards her. This is one of the more or less common elements in work - subjective communication with a person, for example, sitting on a chair in front of him. Subjective work leads to objective changes in relationships.

Nastya leaned back in her chair, crossed her arms over her chest, her body tensed and she asked with a strained laugh:

- What already? Are we going to put my unit there? (I mean such a phenomenon as an Independent Unit of Consciousness). - Her voice grew louder, her eyes looked wide, as if she had been awakened for an urgent important matter.

- No, we will put Oleg's projection there.

- And how to deal with the reasons and the rest … ?, - Nastya sarcastically, echoing the joke about "talk and suffer". She was a little worried.

Nastya was clearly dodging work. I began to slowly push back the empty chair. I asked what was happening to her. Of course, Nastya, or rather her unconscious, not for the first time working with me, instantly landed Oleg's projection on a chair when I just took him. And the impact of this projection was clear.

- Nothing … Nothing happens to me.

- Look, - I began to slowly move the chair in her direction again.

Nastya laughed nervously, her body was tense, her arms were still crossed.

I asked her what was wrong, if she wants to work through this problem? Does she like the fact that we will now begin to solve it, or the method that I have chosen, or something else? She replied that it was a matter of the way.

It was not the method, but the fact that Nastya reacted to the approach of what could be on this chair to her, this raised a lot of feelings that she did not accept. But she had to decide.

- We can go in a different way, in a different way to solve it. We can go "through you" and work on this topic differently. It's up to you to decide how you want. I decided to go in like this because you said you didn't understand him. Do you remember that rapid changes are possible?

- Yes

- We can see everything and "through you", not necessarily this way. How do you choose …

She hesitated for a few seconds, and I was ready to accept any answer. Having calmed down a little, she agreed, and determination appeared in her. I began to move the empty chair closer to Nastya, she leaned back, crossed her arms and watched him. I stopped him at a distance of a meter and a quarter.

- You can get even closer, - said Nastya.

The chair stopped at a distance of a meter.

- That's so good, - Nastya nodded.

- We should talk to Oleg.

- And should I voice the answers?

Her intonation said that she would rather not say the answers out loud.

- You can ask him about yourself. If you're not comfortable, you don't have to say the questions out loud.

- Okay, I'll be about myself, I'm so more comfortable.

I asked to introduce Oleg sitting on a chair. Nastya sat still pressed against the back, with crossed arms, keeping her chin straight. The work began and I asked Oleg to ask a few questions from her and find out the answers.

I will not delve into the nature of the questions and the procedure. The work involved so far simple dissociation.

Nastya received answers and sensations, approached closer to Oleg's projection, sitting on the edge of her chair. Her body leaned forward, her hands rested on the edge, Nastya relaxed enough.

With each question, she relaxed more. Soon, tears appeared in her eyes, which she was holding back, she was moved. An expression of sympathy, acceptance appeared on his face.

- Did you get the answers? I asked

- Yes, I seemed to read the mind.

- He would like to open up, but cannot, is there something bothering him?

- Yes, you saw it too?

- I just assumed.

- And it's so clear, yes.

- What does Oleg feel, what comes from you?

- Cold.

- What would help him to be more open? I asked.

There were several answers, among the necessary was warmth, tenderness, understanding.

Now it was clear that Nastya, who sought to develop relationships, to be more open and blamed the other in closedness, in fact, was herself closed in relationships. In order to acquire the necessary qualities for her, we immediately had to go to work with psychotherapy of personal history, so I raised Nastya to work in the hall with her past. Then I sat her down on a chair again and asked to see Oleg. Nastya sat down on the edge of the chair, leaned her body forward, folding her hands on her knees. Now she looked as if Oleg was holding her hand. Her comment confirmed this. She was relaxed and calm. Relationship to each other now suited her.

The next session a week later, Nastya came to finalize the leftovers that we did not manage to work out at the described session. Her relationship with Oleg during this time grew to a new level, Nastya was happy and smiled. However, I still did not dare to believe in such rapid changes. She was also surprised that it was her openness and understanding that influenced them so much.

The original, declared request for future planning was dropped. This was not a problem, but only a false rationalization that customers and people in general often resort to.