DISCOVERED INVASIONS INTO THE PSYCHOLOGICAL BORDERS OF THE PERSONALITY

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Video: DISCOVERED INVASIONS INTO THE PSYCHOLOGICAL BORDERS OF THE PERSONALITY

Video: DISCOVERED INVASIONS INTO THE PSYCHOLOGICAL BORDERS OF THE PERSONALITY
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DISCOVERED INVASIONS INTO THE PSYCHOLOGICAL BORDERS OF THE PERSONALITY
DISCOVERED INVASIONS INTO THE PSYCHOLOGICAL BORDERS OF THE PERSONALITY
Anonim

Each of us has an individual space filled with our own needs and desires, in which our own laws and rules operate. This space is protected by psychological boundaries that protect the interests of the individual and perform diplomatic functions

The boundaries of the personality can be represented as a set of special receptors with which we check whether that which rushes to us from the outside corresponds to our needs and desires. And on the basis of a personal opinion, we either accept it or reject it.

We are comfortable in our personal territory, and we carefully guard our sovereignty. We ourselves decide what to dream about and what to plan, with whom to share our thoughts, and who not to devote to our affairs, what values to focus on and what to give up.

We are very sensitive to any encroachments on our personal field, and we try to restore boundaries whenever someone tries to push them aside at their own discretion.

In no case are the boundaries of the personality likened to a fence built once and for all or a spacesuit of a certain shape and size put on. They are invisible and elastic, they can expand or contract in certain places, depending on the environment in which the person is located and in what conditions

Partially they can be clarified by observing a person, or verbally: “Is it okay if we switch to“you”?”, “You suddenly fell silent. Did something happen? "," Can I use your books in your absence?"

The answers to these questions will tell you to what extent we are allowed to step with respect to personal space.

Of course, it is impossible to get a complete picture of the psychological boundaries of the personality, and it is not necessary. It should be clarified at the "site" where contact occurs.

The fact that your personal boundaries are being attacked or violated, you always determine at the level of feelings and emotions.

If you are embarrassed or ashamed, annoyed or offended, if you are annoyed or angry with words and actions addressed to you, then there is an invasion of your space

Borders can be violated explicitly and rudely, when a person is prohibited from something, uses his personal property without permission, gets advice on how to live. These aggressive messages and actions always cause strong resistance from the individual. But even more common are veiled attempts to manage in someone else's space.

What hidden ways of violating personal boundaries are used by those who are inclined to encroach on other people's territories?

There are many such methods, but you can try to group them:

• invasion of personal space under the guise of care;

• "dissolution" of the point of view of the individual in his own;

• keeping the personality from natural self-manifestation through emotions, thoughts, desires, goals, etc.

• denial of the value of another person or the results of her work;

• ignoring the personality and neglecting her desires and interests.

The number and variety of options through which this or that way of violating psychological boundaries is manifested is surprising and saddening.

So, imposed care can be expressed in unnecessary gifts. - “I decided that you need a kitten / dog / dacha”, “I bought a ticket for you to a course of lectures…”, “take my bag on the road, it’s more convenient”. The desire to expand someone else's experience is the same imposed care and intervention in the personal space: “I want to teach you how to use a full set of cutlery, since important guests will come to us today”, “write down how to get there”, “it's time for you to learn a foreign language, so….

As soon as the caregiver refuses to accept such care and protests, the “caring” person gets offended or angry, and, most importantly, wonders how it is possible not to appreciate such a sincere desire to help.

There is a special "moral concern" that comes from people with a low sense of tact: "I am an honest and truthful person, so I will say everything as it is", "I will tell everything directly", "Nobody will tell you the whole truth if not me" … As a rule, such a “caring” phrase is followed by statements that hurt and hurt the addressee.

Even less aware of their aggressive activities are those who are trying to replace someone's point of view with their own. Parents strive, guided by a noble desire to soften the circumstances, to reassure their children: “It seemed to you. I think that everything was completely different "," you are too sensitive, you do not need to pay attention to it at all ", or" I am twice as old as you and I know you better … ".

Among adults there are no less willing to “dissolve” someone else’s opinion: “Something you, some in the forest, some for firewood … Okay, I’ll say for everyone”, “Darling, it’s strange that it occurred to you. Here, something completely different is obvious … "," You are tired, you just think."

This way of violating personal boundaries is insidious also in that it prevents them from forming. It is difficult for a person to understand where her true feelings are, and where are caused by some fictional events and facts.

Why is the next method of "holding the personality" also an encroachment on someone else's territory?

Judge for yourself, whether the boundaries of personality are not violated by the following comments: “Why are you limp like a rag!”, “And I think what an idiotic laugh here”, “this anecdote is designed for a primitive sense of humor”, “decent people do not behave like that "," What kind of infantilism! " In these examples, the desire to keep the emotional manifestations of the personality and control the behavior of a person is traced.

Retention of personality also occurs in those situations when it sounds: "Then we'll talk, now it's not up to you", "Can you hear yourself?", "What crazy plans …", "Who is interested in such an idea?..". Quite a different kind, but again, retention is implied in the remarks based on the accusation: "Your words gave me a headache", "When you behave this way, I am ready to fall through the earth." Having heard such comments, a person begins to limit himself in expressing his opinion, in emotional manifestations, and often withdraws into himself.

Now let's turn to examples of denial of personality and its achievements

The expression is familiar: “Well, what kind of proposal you have. Come here, there will be time - I will see "," I would be in your place … "," Was it worth taking my time with such nonsense ?! " The person to whom such remarks are addressed experiences a whole gamut of feelings, ranging from discouragement to resentment or anger. In addition, he understands that neither he nor his works are of value to the speaker.

Devaluation can manifest itself in a more severe form. Many wives confess that their husbands tell them: “Why are you eager for this job? You still do not earn normal money. It would be better to sit at home! " Here lies such a layering of depreciation! Both the value of the individual as a professional in his field and the value of his wife's contribution to the family budget are denied, and domestic work is devalued ("I would sit …"). Unsurprisingly, women are outraged and protest against similar claims. Not only are the personal boundaries of the wife largely affected, but the husbands are still trying to narrow them down as much as possible and completely control them.

As for disregarding personality, then such violations of boundaries are especially destructive in the "area" of self-esteem and the need for communication. One haughty look - and a person can feel squeezed and constrained.

Ignoring desires and neglecting interests is often observed in families: "your football will wait, you need to make music", "in our family, everyone was doctors, are you really breaking our tradition?" "What mountains can be if everyone goes to the sea?"

In many of the examples considered, the one who violates other people's personal boundaries, either thinks that he knows better "how to" and shows a kind of care, or wonders what is so unlawful in his behavior. A person whose interests have been neglected feels hurt and depressed.

Breaking personal boundaries inevitably leads to discomfort. "Identification" of the reasons for the spoiled mood, depression, surging irritation will provide an opportunity to find ways to weaken unpleasant experiences or completely overcome them … But it is even more valuable that, being guided by possible insidious encroachments, one can foresee, as a preventive measure, one's responses, reactions and actions to tactless or openly hostile attacks.

And one more accent. No matter how white and fluffy we think ourselves, it is important to realize that from our side there are encroachments on someone else's personal space. It is good if this has so far happened solely due to lack of awareness or misunderstanding. Knowing what subtle attacks on the psychological boundaries of a person are like greatly increases the chances of correct interaction.

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