Unfinished

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

I don’t even want to write about relationships with married men - it’s so much worked-out material that it’s not even interesting. I’ll just say that this does not have the slightest sense and almost no joy, and the one that is is very doubtful. But when you make yourself an unbreakable vow never to enter into such dealings, you can still fall into the trap of "kagbe free man." That is, a man in an unfinished relationship. At the same time, he may not even see a former woman - this is not fundamental. The incomplete here is just emotional. And with such a man, entering into a relationship of any degree of severity is also an exquisite form of masochism.

They had long lived like brother and sister - without sex and even slept in different beds, and during the day they each sat in their own corners. Together they felt stifling, painful, but they created an attachment for themselves so sticky that it is not so easy to get rid of it. First, one of them starts an affair and tries to leave. Then the other does the same. And, it seems, they even disperse, but in fact they continue to eat each other under the guise of friendship.

Or they lived without sex at all, at his expense she satisfied the defensive and nutritional instincts, but it never came to reproductive. And he endured and hoped, did not even look around, but at some point he found out that she not only did not want sex, but did not want it with him - it became known that she slept with a mutual friend. The husband physically leaves, even gets a woman and sex, but emotionally stays at home, they continue to communicate, several relapses throughout the year, which still do not end well.

Or he just has an affair at a distance, and in real reality it turns out not as good as in virtual reality, but the affection is still strong, and when he has a woman who really affects in real life, he begins to rush between them, involving both into the come-go game. And so - until the blood from the nose.

Unfortunately, I cannot give examples where a woman rushes about, because all the stories are real and I was a participant in them. I am very familiar with the role of the plantain woman who is treated for separation syndrome. Well, that is, they often consoled about me, breaking some unproductive painful connection. I declare with full responsibility - there is nothing good or any prospects in such stories.

At the cost of considerable pain, I came to the conclusion: even if a man is formally free, but he still has not completed his emotional attachment to his former woman, there is absolutely nothing to do next to him, unless your goal is to suffer pissed off. Gather your belongings and at a speed available to you, preferably with supersonic speed, run towards the forest.

There is especially nothing to do next to a man who, in fact, does not live with his wife, but has not formally divorced her. Divorce in the modern world is not such a big problem if you have decided everything for yourself. If this did not happen, this is a sure sign that the relationship is not over. Where the previous relationship is not finished, there is no place for the new, no matter how beautifully he courted and no matter how nice and good person he is.

Such a man (although the word "woman" can easily be in this place) is like an old horse that stands in the corridor and does not know whether it has come or gone. And you can be under your hooves at any time.

What if you really like such a man very much? Do a few things. First, to realize if this is not a trigger of attraction for you - its easy inaccessibility. Rather, not-until-the-end-availability. If so, then read Berry and Janey Winehold's book "Liberating Codependency" and go to a good therapist who specializes in this problem. The fact is that the main triggers of attraction are usually traumatic patterns from childhood - something that we were totally unhappy with in the qualities and behavior of our parents or people who replaced them, and that we strive to correct in adulthood by projecting our parents onto our relationship partner. … That is, we see an inaccessible person, for example, and it is smeared with honey right there. But our ability to remake another adult is a dangerous illusion. This is simply not possible. Another adult is the only one who can remake him. That is, only he himself - provided that he sincerely and strongly wants it. Not as a result of your ultimatums, but yourself.

Secondly, immediately set boundaries and protect yourself. If an incompletely free man reaches out to kiss you, and you are afraid to reject him, thinking that in this case this will never happen again, because he is shy, timid and vulnerable, it is absolutely not forbidden to say right with his mouth: “You I like you too. But as long as you are still married - even if only formally, this is impossible, because for me this is unacceptable. And let him decide further whether he wants to kiss you so much. Or it will grind. If you didn't really want to - do you need it?

Thirdly, to continue dating and not to make an early decision to be faithful (it's not about physical, I don't urge to sleep with all the boyfriends), that is, not to make a relationship that does not yet exist exclusive until the man really deserves it.

And - give the processes time to complete. With a snap of your fingers, codependency is not cured and significant people are not forgotten. To do this, you need to be able to maintain a distance and provide yourself with support.

Men who are rushing between two (or more) women would like to advise … but although no, it's better this way: I have a personal request for you. Just remember that both of them are real people and it is better not to play with their feelings. Otherwise, life will knock on the head so that it will not seem a little. That's all I wanted to say.