2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
Pain in a relationship or a relationship without pain? How is it really going on in life? Whether we like it or not, pain is a frequent visitor in almost any relationship.
Accepting that both of you are in pain is the first step in changing the vector of your relationship from confrontation to intimacy.
Realizing and accepting mutual suffering allows you to move on to the practice of feeling compassionate and caring. This is the way to return to your relationship already lost love and joy.
In this article, "Pain in a Relationship," I have already touched on the topic of compassion, and now I find it important to expand on it in more detail.
What is compassion and how can you practice it?
Surely almost every one of us faced situations when our mom and dad suffered. When our brothers and sisters, friends, suffered. We also perfectly see and understand when our beloved dog or cat is suffering. When we see their pain and suffering, we try to help them as much as we can. And this happens spontaneously, we instinctively understand what needs to be done or not done in this situation. So it is this instinctive knowledge that is compassion itself. Compassion guides our actions and we do good deeds.
Unfortunately, we do not always notice or do not want to see that our partner is suffering. And if we see, then we can even rejoice at this fact and, rubbing our hands on the sly, say: “So you should be ungrateful. You deserve it. Now you will know what pain and suffering are. Do you think this attitude brings you closer, or only makes you further away? The answer is obvious.
The practice of compassion can help heal and heal the trauma of the soul. The first step along this path is to acknowledge that your partner is suffering too. He is not an insensitive log, but he is alive and he is also in pain.
Next, you need to open access to your natural kindness and compassion. Now I'll tell you how to do it. Visualize your partner as a small child who has been offended, he is terribly lonely and bursts into bitter tears. The child suffers. Think about how you can help him, comfort him, show your care and love? What do you want to tell him, what you want to do for him to comfort him and show him compassion? I can assume that you will not succeed right away. Your own pain or anger will get in the way.
Practice the practice of compassion every time you hurt your partner. Also practice compassion for yourself. This is often even more difficult than showing compassion for another.
When I recommend that my clients practice Compassion Day once a week, they see significant improvement in their relationships. Over time, the practice of compassion becomes a healthy habit!
By practicing empathy and compassion, you allow your heart to open like a magnificent flower filled with love and the joy of relationship.
How often do you show empathy and compassion for your partner and yourself?
Oleg Surkov
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