Oh, No! Not That. The Charm Of Disappointment

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Video: Oh, No! Not That. The Charm Of Disappointment

Video: Oh, No! Not That. The Charm Of Disappointment
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Oh, No! Not That. The Charm Of Disappointment
Oh, No! Not That. The Charm Of Disappointment
Anonim

I love people, and by naivety,

I speak openly with them

And I'm waiting for open reciprocity,

And after that I smoke bitterly …

I. Guberman

“In the article I was confused by the phrase“disappointment in the mother.”I still disagree with this. God forbid, if he is disappointed in himself because of some of his mistakes or shortcomings! There is no creative energy in disappointment. It only generates disbelief in his own strength, a derogatory attitude towards himself. The same is born in relation to the mother, when an adult child is disappointed in her."

This is one of the responses to my previous article. A protest against the fact that our life is a chain of disappointments. This is how we grow and develop from birth. And I'm not at all about the fact that life is pain. This is definitely not from my world. It's just that frustrations come with the ability to be enamored, as do conflicts, for example, with relationships. A very useful, sobering part of our life. They help us re-understand the route. And we are afraid and avoid disappointments, diligently avoiding life itself, because life, in general, is a rather frustrating process, if we take as the result what befalls everyone. Death.

Disappointment is expulsion from paradise, which is why it feels so painful. Facing the fact that reality does not want to fit into the ideal frame, lovingly drawn in the head. Every now and again. But we don't let facts fool us. I will not now talk about those very, very first disappointments, when milk got into our mouth with an annoying delay, and the "handcuffs" came with an unjustified delay. I will remind you of those that have survived in the mind in the form of early or not at all early pictures.

I'm expecting a doll with curly hair and a shampoo pad tied to my hand for my birthday, and they give me a book. There are no words. Of course, I love books and have been able to read since I was four, but I already drew a doll in my head. I practically held it in my hands and smelled this very shampoo.

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A friend goes to the cinema with two others, but she doesn't invite me, although we are definitely much closer to her than these. I trained for a whole year, and only took fourth place. I didn't go to college the first time. For a week I was getting myself together to invite my first girlfriend on a first date, and she said "Busy. Tomorrow and the day after tomorrow too." I have already promoted three businesses, but for some reason I took this one and didn’t go. I hadn’t smoked for six months, and then suddenly I grabbed a cigarette.

Disappointment is a whole bunch of feelings. Anger, sadness, apathy, a sense of loss, failure, bitterness and betrayal. Moreover, it doesn't matter who betrayed you. You or others. Disappointment in yourself too, you know …

A heavy feeling and we really do not want to experience it. It seems to us that there should be an opportunity to live without disappointment. And we start to avoid them. Of course, more often than not, we do this unconsciously. As well as many other things.

  • We avoid high expectations. We know our six, like all other crickets. "Is this a revolutionary idea? -Yes, what are you!", "Can my business bring 3 million a year? -Not in this life." "Can I become a candidate for the post of director? -Less read science fiction."
  • We decide that this path, this profession, this dream, this family is not for us. We have already tried to solve the problem three times and all three times did not work. Surely this is a sign from above. After all, on this path, disappointment may await me again.
  • We stop waiting for pleasant surprises from life. For we have already learned that only disappointments are unexpected. It is better to stick to the knurled track, try to foresee everything that is possible and control reality to the maximum.
  • We no longer take risks and do not rush into the maelstrom of new ideas and promising projects, because with the most careful calculations, the price may still turn out to be unjustifiably high, and the gain so small that we will again experience painful disappointment.
  • We avoid being happy, because sooner or later some kind of jamb will happen and happiness will "spoil" and will no longer be as perfectly happy as we imagined it for ourselves. And since we are afraid of surprises, we know our sixth and have already tried all this "happiness" as many as three times, then we'd better spoil something for ourselves there. In advance. In order not to suddenly be disappointed.

So we live so that God forbid. Instead of accepting frustrations as a normal part of life and learning how to get over them. Like an unexpected boulder or a fallen tree on the road. However, even then you can turn back, completely disillusioned with these stupid roads and ridiculous way of travel.

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I was recently reproached that psychologists, such sinister ones, do not give advice, recipes and recommendations. It’s not true, in the articles I take it out. Here you can. Here are 10 Commandments for Dealing with Frustration. Climb over them and move on.

1. Remember the facts. Einstein was not accepted into college. Walt Disney was fired from his first studio job. And Michael Jordan was kicked out of the high school basketball team.

2. Do not be intimidated by dirt … "The most beautiful lotus flowers grow from the thickest and blackest mud" - say the Buddhists. This is in case you think that everything is really bad, and the saying "The darkest before dawn" is already sick of you.

3. Spit on critics. They say that success is only 10 percent of luck, talent and other wonderful things, the rest is diligence. So, in case of failure, be inspired by a bestselling author whose essay in school served as a model for how NOT to write.

4. You are just growing roots. Bamboo grows the fastest growing on earth, but at first it seems terribly lazy. Not a single sprout until it releases long, branched roots. But then … More than a meter per day. So that. Follow the roots.

5. Take care of yourself. Do not listen to smart people who try to impose on you the idea that you attract failure with your "wrong thoughts" or that "you have not worked out some karma, some mother." Disappointments happen to everyone. Sometimes you just have to wait it out.

6. Shit happens. I mean, it happens to everyone. And the wreckage of a marriage, a career, or any other plans does not mean that the whole life has collapsed. "These are cracks. Cracks are everywhere. But it is through them that light comes in," wrote Leonard Cohen. Also knew a thing or two about disappointments, by the way.

7. Write about it. Dr. James Pennebaker of the University of Texas has conducted research that clearly demonstrates the benefits of describing painful experiences and emotional events. It reduces stress levels and speeds up physical and mental recovery. So blogging.

8. Do not trample on a fork. If you find yourself at a crossroads due to disappointment, do not think too long, keep driving. Along the way, you will figure out whether you went there, and on the way, you look and again will be enchanted. Stumbled? Move on.

9. Be kind to yourself. Please do not swear at yourself or start punishing yourself immediately. Treat yourself like a good friend who has suffered a very high quality bad luck. Take pity on yourself, give yourself some rest, maybe even pour some delicious tea.

10. Believe in miracles. Can't you? I'll teach you quickly. It cannot be that no miracles have happened to you. Even if, well, you never know, you are a phenomenon, you have definitely heard that miracles happen to someone, somewhere, sometime. And this is a medical fact. So, according to statistics, it may well happen to you. After all, even meteorites are falling somewhere. Thank God, not with us, but now why not believe in them?

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