2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
The more CONVENIENT a person wants to become, the FASTER they run away from him. He becomes uninteresting and invisible. Its desire to become extremely comfortable simply suffocates in care. Which again is repulsive.
Marriage is a paradox. The whole point of marriage is constant paradox.
Two of my favorite theses about marriage also have a paradoxical connection.
I am talking about the theses "create a safe and nourishing environment in the relationship" and "do not settle for a relationship that does not suit you."
People, when they hear them, usually fall into a stupor due to the conflicting messages.
After all, if you create a safe and nourishing environment, then you need to please your spouse in everything, right?
Be a support for him in any situation.
On the other hand, if you do not agree to a relationship that you do not like, then you must refuse such indulgence to all the whims. What, then, about a safe-growing medium?
It turns out that these two theses cannot be combined? So what?
Of course it is possible. If you remember that marriage is built on paradoxes.
Many people create a safe-breeding environment, becoming as comfortable as possible for a partner.
So, this cannot be done.
I am reporting very clearly - you cannot be comfortable in a relationship. In an unknown way, it spoils everything.
How it works, I myself do not fully understand. However, I see for sure - the more comfortable a person wants to become, the faster they run away from him.
Maybe (maybe!), The fact is that a comfortable person becomes an indulgent Parent and, as it were, frees the other from marital promises.
Maybe (maybe!), A person who is comfortable in everything becomes uninteresting (or invisible). And all the more I want to leave him.
Maybe (maybe!), His desire to become extremely comfortable simply suffocates in care. Which, again, is repulsive.
In general, there are many explanations, I cannot vouch for their fidelity. But one thing is clear for sure - the more a person wants to please his spouse, the faster the spouse moves away from him. In the limit - moves away until divorce.
How to be here?
For a start, it is worth taking for granted what was said at the beginning of the article. Marriage, friends, is built on paradoxes. There are few unambiguous solutions here (in fact, they are not at all, but I wrote this on purpose so that it would not sound very categorical).
Yes, it seems like it is necessary to create a nutritious and safe environment, as Zygmantovich writes (that is, me). And - at the same time! - you cannot agree to a relationship that does not suit you, you cannot become comfortable.
I'm talking - a paradox.
You need to look for some balance - between convenience for the partner and convenience for yourself. Between creating a safe-nutritious environment and maintaining the relationship that suits you.
Alas, this is not the easiest and the easiest thing to do. You have to sweat, you have to look for options. It's complicated and all that. Well, as you wanted - married life - not a walk in the park. This requires a brain.
In general, here you can recommend looking for options in everything that are equally suitable for both spouses. Searching for such options in the first place is a terrible torment. Seven pots will come off as long as you negotiate.
But over time, skill appears, effective strategies are developed - and everything is getting better.
So - do not settle for a relationship that does not suit you and create a safe-breeding environment. It is not easy and not easy, but the result is impressive - a happy marriage after all.
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