2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
And again about the injury. At one time, I had the opportunity to work in a children's institution. The most interesting place of service for a psychoanalyst, sitting at the rate of a psychologist, I can tell you. Well, one day the door of my office opened and a girl of fifteen years old appeared on the threshold, famous for being the owner of the most complex pathology of all children. Sitting comfortably in an armchair, she began to repeat the same phrase: "It doesn't happen, it doesn't happen …" At the same time, the girl swayed from side to side, her gaze was turned into reality only known to her. Then she got up and left. This happened several times, until I sat down opposite her, closed my eyes and began to quietly and confidently say: "It happens, it happens …" This is how our difficult therapeutic relationship began.
How often, experiencing even minor disappointments or insults, we do not want to share this for fear of being misunderstood, hurt even more. How hard and scary then it is for a child who has experienced incestuous traumatization to share his grief. Well, if this is a "stranger's uncle", then everyone begins to hate this uncle right away, but what if it was a father? Let’s paraphrase: you cannot tell to be silent. Each kid should put the comma here independently, taking into account many factors. If it was Mom, then things take a completely different turn. Adults who want only goodness will immediately accuse the boy of excessive sexuality, fantasies that have arisen not by age, but rather, of poor upbringing and inability to behave. But what should a girl who is faced with "mother's love" do, dear colleagues? If the unfortunate baby still dares to speak, the result of her attempts will most likely turn out to be a psychiatric diagnosis of concomitant long-term treatment, which will bear fruit, and will make it possible to come to terms with the idea that reality is a fantasy, that it DOES NOT HAPPEN.
This is exactly what happened to my little client. There was incest. According to the classic scenario: with an absent father, a psychotic mother, an isolated family life, a cruel attitude towards a child who has switched to sexual use. Then guardianship intervened, there was a court, an orphanage and all that. But the girl's stories about what was happening were too painful for adults and everyone unanimously signed an agreement of "silence", they say, it will be better for everyone. As a result, on the way of getting help for the little one, the answer stood up: "It doesn't happen that way," and she came to tell me about it, albeit in such a veiled form.
Summing up the work with this client, and with all subsequent and previous ones, I note that the main and most powerful factor in building high-quality psychotherapeutic relationships can be considered TRUST. This important substance arises at the moment when our containment function is "bursting at the seams", and, in the end, stands before the onslaught of the hitherto not understood and not accepted, before the distrust of ourselves and the client. At this moment, the client discovers for himself the long-awaited experience that he is believed, and the therapist - that the exhausted person sitting opposite can be trusted (not necessary, namely, it is possible). Thus, the psychotherapist's finely tuned tuning fork, located somewhere deep inside him, turns out to be the main working tool that allows the client to feel his existence, even if only within the framework of psychotherapeutic reality, to understand that he is heard, that he is. And it doesn't matter at all whether what we hear is a fact or a figment of the imagination, for the client it is always the most important and extremely painful reality.
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