"I Want And Will Be", Or "I Hate Labkovsky!"

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

Once upon a time a bad wave swept in the news feed - a high school student, after reading Patrick Suskind's book "Perfume", committed a series of deliberate murders. That is why this book was forbidden to read at school. You and I understand that the book is about love affection, tenfold in size. About schizoid, borderline disorder, absorption and other interesting things. But this understanding falls only on a mature brain, sufficiently developed for critical and analytical thinking. Suskind's book is great. But is it possible to appreciate its magnificence, taking the written-literally?

Psychological literature is different from fiction. Everything here should be without metaphors and allegories. Accessible and understandable. Ideally, the reader is kind of "instructive". To do - and enjoy the result. But here, too, is the same trap. The benefits and harms of what you read directly depend on who gets into the hands of the "instructional" book.

"Please influence my wife," Vitaly asked weakly, lowering his eyes to the floor. "She read this book as if she had changed it! She says that she doesn't love me anymore, and she doesn't have to do anything around the house, children can even have a nanny, and she, she says, has a bunch of her own desires. You can do something about this. ? No, if she really wants to leave, then I will not hold her, but this is not normal … We have two children, she never worked, I helped her around the house, and all our relatives, all were in the position that children, that It’s hard for her, and then I’m getting divorced! Why, why? How I hate this Labkovsky, where only this book came from!"

Vitaly was upset and confused. He really believed that I could influence his wife's behavior as if she were a small child. In part, she was, even though she came to my office in high heels.

Julia sat down opposite.

- "Tell him that I want to divorce. I see no reason to continue a relationship without love. I read one book here, and I realized how unhappy I am. I don’t do anything that I want! I suffer. I know how as soon as I leave him, I will immediately feel good."

- "So, you want to get permission from me for a divorce?" - I ask.

"No, no. Just talk, maybe my husband is right and we really shouldn't get a divorce?"

- "Julia, what does love mean to you?" - I ask.

In this place, Yulino's face is transformed.

- "Well, this is … When you constantly want sex, you want to be around, you want to do everything, dress up, make up. It's such excitement, my heart leaps in my chest, it takes my breath away …"

- "Did you have this with your husband?"

- "No. I only had this in the 10th grade. It was super, my head was spinning from kisses. And after, no, it never happened. And if I don't leave my husband, then it won't."

- "How did you get married? With what feelings?"

- "Well, we had and still have something to talk about. He is smart, caring, kind, it is calm, safe with him. I am not jealous of him, there was not even a reason. He loves me and the children. He gives money. I would like more, but others and I don't have a car, a spa salon, a nanny, so I don't run into him too much because of this. I just realized that I don't want to live with him, that's all. I don't have to."

- "Julia, do you want - what?"

-"Work."

-"By whom?"

- "I don't know. I have no profession."

- "Well, in what area, what's interesting?"

"Well, nothing at all. I really don't want to work. I want to travel. Just travel the world taking cool pictures for a magazine."

- "Do you do photography?"

- "No, but it's probably interesting"

- "That is, you do not have the skill of a photographer and work experience in this area?"

- "No, but I think you just have to want."

- "How long have you thought so?"

- “I've read a book, too, by the way, a psychologist writes. And I understood everything about myself. You can't go on living like that.”

- "Julia, what other books have you read on psychology?"

- “None. I don’t like to read at all. It was presented and I liked it very much. She pisses her husband off. He even wanted to throw her into the trash. But I didn’t give it. It's my life, my choice.”

- "That is, you want new sensations for yourself, such as you described at the beginning. What do you think, what happened to you in grade 10, can it continue all the time, in relation to a man?"

- "Well, as if not. But I think that if I had a favorite thing, I would also feel euphoria. And so my life is boring and empty."

- "And what is stopping you now, being married, to fill your life with what is meaning and interest to you?"

- "I don't know. Probably my husband."

- "How does he bother you?"

- "I don’t know … In general, no way … He even says himself, don’t sit at home, find yourself a hobby, a hobby. But I don’t like anything. Now, if I fell in love …"

That is, everything in life is arranged simply, according to the principle of wanting and receiving. Did not want to, did not receive, respectively. Therefore, if you do not have money, health or a wife, it means that you just do not really want it.

And you also have a bunch of desires. And no one implements them instead of you. Want? Do it! What is the problem? Did not work out? So, I didn't really want to.

Here are, in a nutshell, simple rules for a happy life. Algorithm of happiness. The puzzle has been solved. Do it anyway, and most importantly, don't worry.))

An infantile person responds very quickly to his primary desires. In addition, he sincerely believes that happiness is something that someone else will do for him. It will just appear and make you happy with your life. As well as to blame for the fact that you feel bad, too different. The key here is "the other, not me". Perhaps your "I" is just still at the level of a child who stomps his foot and shouts through tears: "I want and I will !!!"

I want and will what? Fulfill your desires? Do you really want what you take for your desire? And who said that you will not be disappointed exactly at the moment when you get what you want? What then? "I want and will be back?" Unfortunately, in the adult world, in addition to the stubborn "want", there are other important things, such as "must".)

Labkovsky's book fell on Yulina's fragile psyche and shed light on those parts of her life that lay like melted snow in the shade in early March. They woke her up from her sleep, and it is very good that before divorcing, she came to talk about it with a psychologist. (In September, by the way, she submitted documents. But not to the registry office, but to the university.)) She now reads other books, in which there is no instruction "how to be happy", but there is a vector - "how to understand yourself." And the husband, it seems, no longer hates the famous psychologist. Which, by the way, has absolutely nothing to do with it.

It's just that some books do not need to be made their "first" books.

You need to grow up first. And then "want", and of course, "be."

Author: Victoria Sando