4 Reasons To Be Afraid Of Your Children

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

"Shut your mouth and eat!" our parents taught us logic. And here I am following them, like a puppet, obediently open my mouth and transmit this "wisdom" to my offspring.

Children. Flowers of life, procreation, hope and support, contribution to eternity. They are supposed to be loved, touched, rejoiced in their existence. All other feelings are strictly taboo. But they are. This makes many parents feel bad and lonely. All the rest, "normal people", have no desire to beat, yell, take offense, deceive their dear, little, such defenseless children. Try to hint that a one-year-old baby is infuriating. Yes, right now go to the playground and say it out loud to other moms and dads (in a whisper - don't tell grandmothers, it's really dangerous!). Learn a lot about yourself. All the anger that other parents have accumulated on their children will splash out on you, because they dared not to endure and hide, but to voice the real feeling.

Meanwhile, children are a costly event. The wackiest investment. You can't get it back, let alone interest. At best, grandchildren will be lucky. And subconsciously, we all know about it. The matter is burdened by attitudes, such as "gave birth - now it is obliged to give him all her life." Dot. No "can I leave myself a little?". Hardcore only. Up to foam on the lips and fierce suppressed hatred.

All around lies: paradise with a wonderful rosy-cheeked baby doll - 1%. So that just the way you want it, easily and without stress. The rest, let's say, is not heaven. Expectations did not come true, it makes you want to growl. So something is wrong with me.

I will describe the fears that are understandable and close to me as a dad with many children:

Children devour resources. Time, attention, effort, money. Even the most pleasant, beloved, problem-free devours. Don't be fooled. Who likes to jump up at 3 am for a demanding squeak? Change diapers and wash priests without opening your eyes with your brain turned off? I am very, very angry with those who keep me awake. With prolonged sleep deprivation, a person looks like a lame hysterical alcoholic. And it can reach schizophrenia. At this stage, emotions are turned off and programs for the basic protection of the crocodile brain are turned on - to destroy the cause of lack of sleep. I can kick a cat out of the room, but not a child. And where, one wonders, to do with all this irritation? It accumulates and pours out tantrums, depression and other "joys". Husband / wife / mother / older children get the most, as the closest. Such a strange cry for help. Many do not dare to ask explicitly, because "children are pure joy!" At first, oxytocin helps mom, but dad doesn't get it either.

Children drive out their parents. And not only metaphorically, accepting the baton from us - at least it sounds noble and will not happen soon. And very straightforward, clear and inexorable. Every parent who tried to stop the seizure of an apartment with toys knows this. My eldest at a young age drew and scribbled on the wallpaper, the middle one pasted stickers, and the youngest marks the territory with insidious Lego details. They even settled in my pockets! Papers, crumbs, books, scattered things shout "I am, I am here, just try not to notice me!" In my three-and-a-half-room apartment, I can sit in a corner of the sofa in the living room with a laptop, and even then if no one is watching a cartoon. And, I'm lying, I put heaters and a tourist folding chair on the balcony - it's quiet there and mine

Children consider their parents to be gods. In the sense they pay little attention and demand a lot. And here's an ambush - the more you try to confirm your status as a god, the more they demand! Moreover, this is completely normal and so laid down by nature. There is no hope that this will change by itself. It is difficult to be a god, the Strugatskys wrote about this. Any slip and your scarecrow falls off the pedestal, like Iron Felix in perestroika. Despite all past achievements. It hurts! Gave toys a whole wardrobe, and for refusing the third kinder surprise you hear "I will never love you again!"

Children are merciless mirrors. This is the most difficult thing and few people warn about it. Everything that you say to children in your hearts should be honestly said to yourself first. I scold my son that he is late for school, pulls with a portfolio, clothes, lessons, dishwasher, cleaning … Look who’s talking! And who has not been able to answer a letter for a week? Who is postponing the recount of the plaque? Site update? Always a little late? Come on, Seryozha, get away from the child and take care of yourself! It's embarrassing, I want to turn away from the mirror and pounce on the child who prompts my jambs so brightly. Subconscious and strong fear, what if I leave him alone, I won't push, nag, kick, and he will grow up like … me? With all my jambs, from which I so want to turn away myself, so I diligently turn the heads of the children behind my ears. Bad news: even at the risk of ripping off their ears, children will be like us. They have no one else …

What would you say about an entity that displaces, eats, and does nasty things? Did you choose you, and can't get out of it for some reason? Here. Even alien zombies are more humane - they eat right away, not 20 years.

What to do? You can't put it back in.

I would like to reassure - you can survive. And even a pleasure to receive. Sometimes.

For a start, believe that if you are gullible, your children will love you. With all those cute jambs and unique features. There is no one else, again. True, their psychotherapist, too, in any case, will find a story to tell. If you don't take your word for it, read "The Illusion of Love" by D. Selani. Impressive.

You are not alone. Moreover, we are in the majority. Together - we are force. It would be if they were not afraid to speak out loud about all this. In the meantime, try to admit to yourself that it can be difficult. It can be unbearable. Even with a dishwasher, washer, food from the restaurant and a platinum credit card. And all this "we raised you with laundry soap and gauze" boldly send to the garden. The fact that it was hard for your parents doesn't make it easier for you, does it? Not to mention the fact that many are cunning - they passed to the nursery-kindergarten-school and even though the grass does not grow. Memory, again, does not record everything. Envy again … Oh, again I stepped on a taboo - about parents, either good or nothing.

Speak. Do not be silent. Find in the FB some community like "I can not be silent" and share. The support of fellows, or rather, sisters more often, helps a lot. I will warn you against seeking support from your mother - you can stumble upon envy and "old hardening" with the main pledge to patiently rot yourself for the sake of children. It can also be difficult for a husband - his woman is worried, she needs to be supported, and he himself may have gotten hooked from lack of sleep and increased responsibility. Specially trained people approach, as well as girlfriends with grown-up children, godparents and those who soon want their baby doll and are ready to play a young mother while the real one is playing a free woman.

And be sure to learn from the kids. Taking care of yourself. First, you eat coffee and a cake, and then you give a very healthy liquid to the child. First, half an hour FB, and then control of the lessons. First your dream, and then shirts to your husband. You look, he will learn himself. I switched to T-shirts. J Dad also touches. A perfect day can be. Two. Well, maybe a week for the heroes themselves. And then the desire to eject will take its toll. Immediately overwhelms with work - you just can't get out of the office

It's easier to love children this way. Otherwise, you simply cannot survive with them. Gobble up