Midlife Crisis In Women

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

Midlife crisis in women. In a simple way, about one scientific study. This article is not at all for those who believe that they do not have a crisis and did not have it, so that they are healthy! And in general - all this is the invention of greedy psychologists. We are happy for these people, we keep our fists and fingers with a cross. This article is for others who, by the middle of their life, whose dizziness from success smoothly turned into nausea from the everyday whirlwind, as well as for those who have a callus from minor troubles turned into a powerful biceps of a subverter of problems. And the middle is the age that today is about 37-45 years old.

Call the dragon by name

I. “In the life of every decent person, sometimes one not very beautiful morning comes, when in the body, in general, and in the head, in particular, there suddenly appears a feeling that the light and air hang-glider of adolescent enthusiasm suddenly begins to rapidly lose height. And the most frightening thing about this is the understanding that he has been losing height for a long time, and I noticed it only now. And now, it would seem, somewhere nearby, that stream of warm air, on which I so confidently leaned with my wing a couple of years ago. But no, now either the flow has dried up, or I have grown heavier. Yes, and it’s true, I’ve gotten heavy - I look in the mirror of 10-year-old photographs and mutter something to myself about sleeping longer and going on vacation to the warm sea”.

Interestingly, the concept of middle age is perceived by some with a hefty aroma of condescension, while others - with a bitter aftertaste of oblivion. For some, there is still so much time ahead, the flourishing of family life or career, the disclosure of creative abilities awaits you, while for others it becomes a swamp of everyday life and the gray horizon of the gone sun.

However, whether the midlife crisis will become a transition to a new productive stage of my development or a spiritual and social dead end depends only on understanding myself, the ability to hear myself. “The breath of age is a fog of fears and anxieties that closes the sky from me. To call this dragon by name means to subjugate it to your will."

***

“Everyone is in crisis! This is fine. Here's another liter of coffee for you. For some, this may be normal, while for others it may be a terrible and intolerable experience.

Yes, many psychologists consider age-related crises to be the norm, such a necessary element of our existence in society. Dry theories talk about personal development and the need to resolve internal contradictions. And the passage of this stage is reduced to a change in value priorities and the semantic content of individual values of a person. But this is all in theory, but in practice …

II. “Listen, well, it seems to me that everything is already written on my forehead! I am a normal woman, I do not demand to buy anything for me, I have everything - a car, an apartment, a job. I used to think that men are afraid of taking care of my material needs, but now I understand nothing at all - why the hell are they missing?"

We have to admit that the sudden sadness-melancholy that falls on us after about 37-40 years, in women, is not so obvious to others. This deeply personal experience is reflected in complex internal sensations. And outwardly … and what outwardly? Still cheerful, still ready for light frenzy. Only now with a slight undercurrent of pain or distrust in the corners of the eyes.

III. Well, okay, a crisis is a crisis, but somehow you need to sort it out and solve your experiences - do not stew in them! Through trial and error, as well as the unique feminine ability to find adventures in one place, they - that is, women - find some comfort in one of the ways they deal with the world around them. How much this method helps to live a tasty life or to exist on a dietary basis - we will talk about this further. Until then, let's see what's on the menu.

1) Three girls under the window …

“Listen, everything is just fine with me - I run my department / family / child, constantly on business trips / in household chores / with friends, I look younger than my age / good / men cling. Well, yes, it didn’t work with children / with work / with husband”. There is a pause, the gaze jerks to the side and immediately comes back. “Well, maybe everything would have been different if there had been a child / business to my liking / the opportunity to discuss and fix everything. On the other hand, I can't imagine how I would have succeeded if it were with children / with work / with this goat. In general, I believe that my life is good. Six-figure salary / five children / personal freedom and travel - anyone will envy me!"

The confidence that everything is fine with me in my area and that others are only jealous is how often overcompensation manifests itself. Owners of this method of protection against anxiety tend to highly assess themselves in terms of external social and normative criteria (morality, success, will, purposefulness, etc.). An attentive interlocutor may notice a pronounced tendency to deny their own experiences in difficult situations and transfer responsibility to others. And then such a position speaks of internal disorientation. And in a difficult life period (and a crisis is just such a period) such behavior is defensive in nature - as a reaction to an internal “discord”.

2) Don't leave the room …

“I have no strength left for anything. I don’t have the strength to go to this stupid job, I don’t have the strength to do household chores, I don’t have the strength to meet with friends, and I don’t see the point in this. Everything is kind of gray and dreary."

I know women like that. Dropping their hands, hanging their heads, they turned into a shadow of themselves. It is completely unclear at what point this happened, but it began to happen many years ago. We just somehow did not notice this, attributed it to fleeting fatigue and blues: "You will sleep well and everything will pass!" And then this tadpole of daily fatigue grew into a nasty toad of daily depression. Yes, crisis, yes, internal personality changes. But a high level of self-responsibility and guilt for what is happening to the woman herself and around her is not simply added to this, but rests as a heavy stone.

IV. The phenomenological questionnaire has proven to be a convenient method for studying the midlife crisis in women. What is the most important thing in a person's life? His feelings and experiences. What could be more subjective? Never mind. That is why the entire volume of reactions to such a difficult period as the middle of life has been summarized and reduced to four basic patterns and corresponding scenarios of living and overcoming the crisis.

Scheme 1: Compensation in operation.

A woman who chooses such a strategy resorts to compensating for the deficiency in one area of her life by her own activity in another. Of course, such compensation can be either positive or negative. And, in fact, this behavior has much in common with normal psychological defenses - their goals and mechanisms are very similar and are implemented "along the path of least resistance." Such a person begins to energetically apply the remaining strength and energy in the area that lies closest to her, which can bring satisfaction as quickly as possible, relieve or reduce doubts or, God forbid, anxiety. And the vague feeling that “I missed something, somehow I didn’t succeed in my life” unconsciously manifests itself in any immediate way of emotional and physical release. And so we meet a 40-year-old mature woman on the "red" ski slopes, in shooting clubs, bars and discos with alcohol or something stronger …

Scheme 2: Social activity.

“Of course, there are fewer friends, and there’s no time for communication. It's calmer for me to sit at home, watch TV. I also have two cats and I cannot leave them."

Yes, many of my acquaintances feel lonely, say that communication is not enough. What happens to the volume of communication and social contacts? Basically, they are going down. Contacts flow smoothly to social networks. Even the omen appeared - "I have been friends, so we will never meet again." However, there are those who increase and expand the circle of communication, rushing, as if into a pool with their heads, into new acquaintances and hobbies. It can be such "loneliness in the crowd", but it can also fill life with bright colors and emotions, and what could be more important for a woman?

Scheme 3: Volitional self-regulation.

"The more you smile, the better you feel."

The tone of the facial muscles responsible for the smile spurs up the physiology, and now the hormonal background is being pulled up to the facade of a good mood.

“The most difficult thing for me was to restructure my daily routine. Now my daughter and I get up together in the morning, have breakfast together and go out for a run."

Irina is 42, and she is still embarrassed that no one gives her more than 35.

“I cannot hide the age-related changes, but I try to pay more attention to the positive little things in my life, in the world around me. I am open to everything that happens around me and try to always find positive or useful sides, no matter what happens."

Volitional effort, will - this is the leading element in such a scheme of responding to one's own experiences. I often recall an expression I heard twenty years ago: "the function trains the organ." And without load, the muscles atrophy, and the intellect decreases, and the will weakens, filling all free time with fatigue from the meaningless flow of the daily routine. And then comes …

Scheme 4: Passivity, inactivity.

Emotional and activity regression, a swamp of apathy. For a while, the psyche continues to resist. We are so arranged that everything that happens must be explained, otherwise nothing can be done about it, and with what we cannot explain comes great anxiety and fear of the unknown. Yesterday's vigorous and young fit beauty, happily rejecting schemes 1, 2 and 3, uses the simplest mental defenses that allow:

• transfer problems to the external sphere (projection, projective identification),
• ignore it (repression, denial),
• withdraw from experiences (dissociation, defensive fantasizing or isolation).

However, doctors and psychologists are very good at this choice, because it is he who brings them a significant part of patients and clients. Neuroses and psychosomatic disorders are a close companion of passivity and rejection of vigorous activity. A woman not only becomes irritable, feels anger and aggression, but even intensifies the crisis, for example, when a feeling of guilt for her actions appears.

V. Five. This Roman tick should symbolize the victory of common sense over unconscious delusions. Come on, it's easy - choose an effective scheme and follow it on your way to your own, if not happiness, then peace of mind! But we know, friends, that the human psyche is cunning and inventive in an effort to avoid real stress. For example, something that would put the whole previous life in jeopardy of losing meaning. "Was it that I was doing it wrong all the time?" is one of the worst questions a woman can ask. And you need to avoid such a doubt at almost any cost (yes, sometimes at the cost of your own life, but the format of the article is not the same).

In general, I'm talking about the deceitfulness of positive strategies. And here's what traps may be (or may not, of course, but still):

1) With an increase in the volume of communication, a woman gets the opportunity to support, and on the other hand, she experiences a really strong and unconscious anxiety to be suddenly rejected. “We are not teenagers, you will not be sweet to everyone. And if he / she turns out to be callous or boring, and in general, not mine? Why should I feel pain again because I am not needed?"

2) Inability or inability to hear your real desires leads to the substitution of goals for meanings. The fantasy that a perfect body or an expensive car will definitely lead to significant changes in life is faced with loneliness and whitened fingers on the expensive leather of the heated steering wheel.

3) Yes, there is a known path to the salvation of the soul. Experiencing their own loneliness and emptiness, women turn to traditional religion or "I am engaged in higher spiritual practices." But in the absence of its inner fulcrum, the search and use of the outer one is only a veiled refusal to search for one's own source of strength.