Growing Up: Santa Claus Himself

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Video: Growing Up: Santa Claus Himself

Video: Growing Up: Santa Claus Himself
Video: Baby Sans and Dadster【 Undertale Comic Dub Compilation 】 2024, March
Growing Up: Santa Claus Himself
Growing Up: Santa Claus Himself
Anonim

Growing up: Santa Claus himself

A good bonus for a mature personality

is the opportunity to become

to himself as Santa Claus.

Thinking out loud…

Perhaps my reasoning will be very different from the now popular trend to extol infantilism and egocentrism as the norm of an adult's life (I want and I will!). The commercial calculation of the "sellers" of such psychological services is understandable - a potential consumer, as a rule, wants to solve problems quickly and effortlessly, to change something in his life without changing himself.

Nonetheless, here are my thoughts on the growing up process and the role of therapy in this.

As they grow older, the person's relationship with the world changes. And first of all it concerns such his personal property as responsibility.

A small child owes nothing to the world. The world in the person of his parents owes him entirely: to love, feed, drink, take care, protect, etc.

However, this idyll does not last long. The child grows up and whether he wants it or not, he has more and more responsibility. And the task of his close adults is to transfer this responsibility to him in proportion to his increasing opportunities every year. It looks like this: You can go to the potty - do it! You can dress yourself - get dressed! You can make your bed - make it! You can clean up your toys - put them away!

It is important that the parents delegate this possible and, what is important, the responsibility that is feasible for him. As a result, the child gradually develops important personal neoplasms - I can and I must.

I can do it myself! This neoplasm destroys the illusion of an omnipotent wizarding world and a wizarding parent. Parents are not magicians, they are not omnipotent. There is no magic in the world - Santa Claus does not exist! This neoplasm allows you to switch from an external support to an internal support. As a result, it becomes possible for oneself to be Santa Claus and to create magic.

I must! This new formation forms responsibility to the world. It takes the child out of the infantile position - everyone owes me. The “child” does not want to pay anything for his “want”. He is eager to get everything for free. An “adult” knows that any “want” has its own price. In the psyche of a mature person, I want and I must harmoniously coexist, desires and obligations.

Growing up is switching the attitude of expectation of a change in life from the outside to a self-reliant attitude.

This transition is not a one-off. It is prolonged and phased. I described the stages of growing up in more detail in my article Psychological portance.

This is what I think the dynamics of growing up look like:

1. Wizarding World

2. Magic Other

2. Magical Self

The growing up process is inevitably accompanied by disappointment. Disappointment is very important here. It allows you to abandon illusions that used to work, but no longer work.

If for some reason the process of growing up is inhibited or blocked, then the result of this may be the following manifestations of a delay in personal development:

· Infantilism. Discrepancy between passport (objective) age and personal (subjective)

· Codependent relationships; Child-parenting at an immature age and partnerships (complementary marriages) at a mature age.

· The predominance of the external locus of control. Delegation of personal responsibility to another - a person, the world, fate, etc.: "We are not like this - this is how life is!"

· The presence in the mind of a child's, a fairy-tale picture of the world, unproductive illusions associated with the expectation from others, from the world of magic manifestations.

Growing up is about gradually switching from power supply from external to internal resources. A good bonus for a mature personality is the ability to build a dialogue with life and the world, and eventually become your own Santa Claus.

To grow up or not to grow up is the choice of each person and you have to decide for yourself. Not every person matures to the stage Magic myself. Many try to persistently solve the problems of the previous stages of life.

If a person, having met with elements of his personal immaturity, has decided to overcome it, then psychotherapy is a good option here. Therapy is the project in the space of which it becomes possible. I call such a project maturation therapy, as a result of which there is a living of disappointments from illusions and it becomes possible to move to the next stage of personal functioning. This one is not easy. But it's worth it!

I would like to finish the article with words from the annotation to my book "Parting with a Fairy Tale", in which I described my author's project - maturation therapy.

Parting with a fairy tale is parting with childhood. Parting with illusions is not easy. In this case, the therapist performs the parental function of meeting the client with reality. And for this, the client needs to get experience of frustration.

Disappointment that the world is not ideal and in this world unconditional, sacrificial love is possible only from the mother. And not every mother is capable of such love. And if she is capable, then only in a short period of her life. And this is the truth of life.

And this awareness must be experienced and accepted. Accept this world with its conditional love, where you will be appreciated for your real actions, for bold responsible decisions. And give up a children's fairy tale with the expectation of magic from the outside.

And be impressed that an adult himself is a magician in his fairy tale called Life!

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