2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
"Father"
Give me your hand, Support me!
Give me light!
-Help me
See who I am.
Hello, my dear reader, client, colleague, friend!
Here is another client case that is suggestive and creates a new depth of understanding.
Parents and children, parental expectations and children's anxieties.
A friend of mine made a request about her son.
The boy has not yet moved to high school and is engaged in wrestling. The essence of the request is that, as a wrestler, he experiences a strong fear when entering the ring, but he fights bravely with rivals of the "smaller weight category", whereas the experience of fighting with a stronger opponent led to defeat.
Parents traditionally root for him, actively supporting him with words and shouts "Come on!", "Beat!" etc.
On the one hand, the child feels their support, and on the other hand, he admits at the session that it would be easier for him if the parents were not in the hall.
Such a contradiction, I think, is familiar to many, when support is needed and at the same time, when those from whom it is needed are looking at you, it seems like it would be better not.
Shame … Yes, sometimes the child is ashamed of the active behavior of the parents, if this story is not supported in the family (at home - one thing, in public - another).
In addition, the boy has another contradiction on his face - he is torn between the authority of his father and the coach.
The coach teaches as it should, this is his job, but dad also teaches, although he himself is not engaged in wrestling.
And, alas, dad does not do without criticism, in the spirit of "are you a weakling?" etc.
I will not answer the question why dad behaves this way (often parents give what they did not receive themselves, not thinking that this child is different, not like them and his needs are different), but rather I will draw attention to the fact that it is important for a child to be accepted by anyone, including the main authority - the father. Anyone means both a winner and a loser.
And criticism of the father is not at all necessary here.
The boy hesitantly replies that when his father shouts to him from the audience how to hit during a fight, he wins.
But as the story progresses, the testimony diverges and gets confused.
We work with fear through drawing, then I ask him to find something that will give him strength and courage (again using my favorite EOT) and the result is not long in coming.
The child's unconscious is still pure and works instantly and efficiently!
The boy remembers his favorite blue color and creates a blue cloud into which he enters and confidently demonstrates to me the techniques and techniques of wrestling, as the coach taught.
Now, every time before going out, he remembers (mom reminds) his blue cloud and uses it.
But there is fear, and it does not stem from the fear of the opponent, but from a deeper source.
I so want to wish the little hero to lose in the ring for the sake of another victory, not his, but his parents. Victory of unconditional acceptance - by anyone.
Many of us are familiar with this ring - a ring of conformity at any cost, when the bar is set and if you have not taken the height, it becomes scary, it’s scary not to lose to the enemy, but scary to lose the love of someone who is an example for you, both God and your father!
It is sometimes difficult for a parent to abandon divinity and admit his weaknesses, but only this approach gives the child the ability to breathe out and feel like just a person, just like dad and mom.
The work was one-time on request. For a while, the fear receded, and it is not known how long the "blue cloud" will last.
I still sometimes use such magic techniques, but I am an adult and I understand that this is not a panacea, but support from within.
But the little fighter is waiting for her from outside, including - waiting for full acceptance in all his human nature!
He will definitely succeed, I believe, and I hope that one day he will defeat his father inside himself, because there is no other way to maturity.
The next article is about this.
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