The Price Of Silence, Or Why Everything Needs To Be Clarified

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

Have you ever had situations after which there was only one question “why so”? If yes, read on:), no, read it too, maybe useful for friends;)

Most often, these are stupid situations, misunderstandings, accumulated grievances, experience in the past. Without clarifying the situation, we begin to struggle with our thoughts, feelings, emotions.

If you offer a person to talk to his opponent, most likely you can hear similar phrases: “why?”, “What will change?”.

The first thing I will say is that such phrases dictate your inner state and reaction to the situation. And here the word "YOUR" is important. Your view of the situation, your experience, your grievances, your vulnerability, your boundaries, your self-esteem, your “and I did / or even that…”, etc.

What to do?

1. Let the state be. Give him as much time as he needs. Do not fight offense, irritation, anger, tears, pain. This will all pass faster if you allow feelings, emotions and other manifestations of your condition to come out.
2. Do nothing against your opponent. This is not the best time to do something that has something to do with the other person. Do not complain about him / her to others, do not delete phone numbers, do not throw away things related to him / her, do not deny (in hearts) further communication, do not make plans for “he / she will regret it,” do not throw words like this like "never again to him / her …". The best thing you can do in a situation like this is to pay attention to yourself.
3. There is a misunderstanding that you do not want to clarify. Think well, why don't you want to do this? What situations from the past have become the reason that at the moment you are letting go of everything, and at the same time it is difficult for you. What childhood traumas, or the instructions of those important to you, are blocking you at the moment. The worst thing can happen if you talk to your opponent. And if the conversation takes place, what outcome of the conversation do you fear?
4. When the passions subside inside, it is better if you are calmer, be sure to talk to your opponent. Don't hide from him or from talking to him. All ambiguities, inaccuracies, incompleteness, etc. needs to be clarified. If anyone has questions, the situation is not over. You can go through your whole life dragging these situations with you. Moreover, they accumulate in you and occupy your inner space. To make it clearer what is happening to you, imagine a closet. You have been putting all your things in it since childhood. Instead of replacing your wardrobe, you are constantly updating it. You have a choice: either the entire closet is filled with clothes according to your age, or it has everything from the beginning of your birth to the end of your life. And now the question: how much room in this closet for the new, fresh, real?

I will answer the question "why clarify the situation and what it can change." Sometimes it changes a person's life. Perhaps this is the most important thing. But since there are many similar situations, they may not always be fateful. Therefore, it is necessary to clarify so that later there are no questions “why did this happen?”, “Why did he / she do this?”. Do your best, but don't step into your future with questions from the past.