2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
The article "Intimacy as Trauma" recently posted on this site raised my feelings about the concept of Self-Sufficiency in me.
It is very consonant to me that the author refutes this very myth of Self-sufficiency, in which I also once lived and which I had previously strived for.
When you are told "a self-sufficient person" - what image do you get?
I have an image of a person who, in fact, does not need anyone; he does not need anyone or anything, because he has outgrown all his human needs:) And, in general, his goals are completely different, in contrast to ordinary people living on this planet.
But that's just something from this image does not breathe warmth and love.. Such an image, as for me, smacks of Pride.. Do you have similar feelings?
This beautiful picture of self-sufficiency often does not help, but only prevents us from accepting ourselves as we are.. It prevents us from accepting our healthy addictions (need for a close and dear person / for support / security / acceptance, etc.)
In general, why can we fall for the hook of such a "self-sufficient-independent" image?
Because we are looking for a cure for some of our dissatisfied state.
For example:
A desperate girl who has been abandoned by guys more than once may think like this: "Men do not need my kindness and openness, which means I will become a cold bitch, because they don’t leave bitches - on the contrary, they run after the bitches!" A girl, in such a case, feels her woundedness and tries to solve her problem in this way - thereby, walled up her feelings of “uselessness and unimportance to anyone” even deeper inside..
But, starting to gain a foothold in bitchy behavior, this girl still does not have a feeling of her importance and value. Because on the external level, she begins to behave in a bitchy way (and now it is not her who is abandoned, but she is leaving the guys), but inside of her, her vulnerability and dissatisfaction continues to live as well.
If we return to self-sufficiency, then why can a man or a woman grab onto this image? Yes, here, too, to cope with his inner wound.
Within himself, He or She feels a tremendous vulnerability (most often, coming from childhood). In search of “heal” these feelings, he / she tries to find a way out in some spiritual teaching / in smart psychological concepts / in socially demanded pictures …
So Self-sufficiency (as it were) helps to get away from their painful and so important needs that make a person dependent on other people. These needs tell us that we are, in fact, not so self-sufficient and that for a full sense of comfort and security, we still need to be in relationships with Other people. BUT in any close relationship there is addiction.
In fact, self-sufficiency, as it were, turns off all human needs to "take" in us, and only includes the need to "give." That is, it excludes the possibility of feeling helpless and vulnerable, the desire for support, acceptance, help..
But, excuse me, which of us does not feel our vulnerability or vulnerability?
Yes all! Because we are people. And people are fragile creatures by nature. Today we are, tomorrow we may not be …
And the one who says that he does not feel vulnerable or defenseless simply does not admit it to himself.
Now to clarify the dependency:
When I talk about addiction, I mean healthy addiction.
An unhealthy addiction is an imbalance when a person is constantly running. Push in relationships, in work, in any other activity, just not to be alone with yourself. Because, being left alone with himself, a person raises an alarm, which he cannot cope with, and therefore runs somewhere to drown it.
A healthy addiction = a healthy human need that must be satisfied. Just because we are people with living needs. AND a person living in society cannot be satisfied with just himself..
It is important for any person to be able to be both with Himself and to be in close relationship with the Other. It's about balance.
And this myth about the Superman, which (supposedly) we need to strive for, does not help us, but only interferes with fully living life and enjoying all its colors.
P. S. Perhaps the image of “self-sufficiency” is felt by some of you in a positive way.. My article is for those who, hiding behind a mask of self-sufficiency, deny and reject their vulnerability / vulnerability / healthy addiction, which (in fact) has a place in our human life.
Recommended:
All The Bitterness Of Not Accepting Myself
Accept yourself … I am often asked to clarify this phrase. Accepting yourself means treating yourself as a given. As a family. Yes, I am like that … Self-acceptance is a non-judgmental, unconditionally positive attitude towards oneself. The first thing to do on the path of self-acceptance is to stop gnawing from the inside, scolding and hating yourself.
Accepting Your Imperfection
It is commonplace and common knowledge that people are imperfect. There is no ideal and absolute. But modern society puts this quality not only as an obligatory norm for all, but also as the only form of existence. The secret is probably not that complicated.
Self-isolation Stress And Anxiety / How To Survive An Epidemic / Self-regulation And Self-management
Quite recently, as if yesterday, it seemed to me that this topic is relevant for people experiencing health problems. Personally, I used these techniques for clients for whom stress is contraindicated for medical reasons, so an attempt to delve into the causes of a stressful situation could lead to additional exacerbations of the underlying disease, and there was only one thing left - teaching self-regulation techniques.
How To Improve Self-esteem? 5 Ways To Boost Your Self-confidence
Today we'll talk about self-confidence, self-esteem. Here are 5 effective ways to increase your self-esteem quickly and effectively. So, any psychological problem can be solved from the inside - out and from outside - in. 1. From outside to inside - this is about behaving like a confident person, and, in the end, you get your confidence inside.
Self-criticism, Self-support, Self-acceptance
Self-criticism, self-support, self-acceptance - these are the steps in script therapy that mean learning the skill of self-love. The article aims to show psychologists how you can go this way in the therapy of low self-esteem and self-denial.
