2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2024-01-12 20:57
Life is a fact. The fact is that it exists, it happened and is unchanged. This means that we can change our attitude to the fact, our thoughts about this fact.
It's already raining outside, you haven't taken the umbrella, the cup has fallen and has already broken, the conflict has already occurred. All these are facts, all this is life. Can we change a fact? No.
And this means that there is no sense in our emotions about how it is, this cannot be, protest, but I do not agree, this is madness, etc., there is simply no sense in them. Yes, we can express our feelings about what happened in this way, but we cannot change it, we cannot take it under control.
We cannot control life, because it is a fact of what happened
But we are trying to control our addictions to food, sex, sports, other people. And when, we simply clamp ourselves in the grip of prohibitions, instructions, we create in our mind the illusion of control. We think we are in control of life itself.
Why do we need this illusion?
As a rule, excellent controllers are those who, from childhood, are accustomed to living with parents who are anxious, overly protective and controlling, as well as parents who needed to be controlled, for example, alcoholics, or emotionally unstable, when, for example, the mother's mood depended on the child's behavior.
Hiding alcohol from a drunken father, and adjusting to the mother's mood, so as not to get a portion of aggression, the child thinks that he is in control of this unstable situation, which can stir up at any moment, which means that you always need to be on the lookout so that something bad does not happen.
Further, growing up, a lump of events that can cause grief grows in such people, and the illusion of control finds other ways out. This is food control, and how much I ate, what if I get better, and in order to lose weight I don't eat after 6 pm. Controlling codependent relationships, because controllers only get into such relationships, because from childhood it is a familiar system, and the intensity of unprocessed emotions requires its maintenance. This is control of when and where you were, and why so late, and this is already the third bottle of beer, etc.
Life cannot be controlled, It is impossible to control Oneself, it is only possible to make a choice, consciously choose thoughts, emotions, feelings, consciously eat, realize one's value and confidence in a relationship with a partner, and then you will not even want to control.
Controlling life deprives us of spontaneity, pleasant surprises, wonderful moments, because they can knock the controller down. After all, he did not plan this, which means he will not be able to enjoy the pleasures, because they are not according to plan, which means the feeling that I cannot control life will intensify, and instead of joy will force the person to further strengthen control.
The basis for liberation from the control of life is trust in the World.
This is a basic feeling that comes from trust in parents, but if it is not formed by them, then an adult may well form it himself.
Trust in the World is an inner confidence that all events are always for the better, even if at first it seems that this is not so (divorce, dismissal from work, separation, etc.)
Trust in the World is an inner confidence that the World will always take care of you.
Trust in the World is an inner confidence that everything is going as it should and leading to the right place.
We can control our thoughts - we can, and this is the only real control
He is able to give internal security, as opposed to the illusion of control over something external. Thought control makes it possible to feel differently, because thought gives rise to feelings and emotions, and the choice of the thoughts we need can evoke the best and most pleasant feelings. This means that we will improve the quality of our life.
Life does not need our control, it lives, spring replaces winter, and after summer comes autumn. And there is no need to control natural processes. We cannot change events, but we can change our attitude towards them. We can change our thoughts about an event, we can change our thoughts about life, about ourselves, about other people. Changing thoughts - we change the quality of our life, leaving the opportunity for life itself to give us moments of spontaneity, surprises and unexpected joyful turns.
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