About "lackey Psychoanalysis"

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

Author: Nana Hovhannisyan

People in my profession are often disliked. Psychologists are called lackeys who are ready to justify any actions, thoughts and deeds of a person for money. Even the expression appeared: "lackey psychoanalysis." At first, it made me angry and offended, because we were taught to help the client to the end, not to abandon him, bother, call, pull, not leave one. Then I began to think: is it necessary to do this? Should you be so persistent? Where is the line between caring and intrusiveness?

Several years ago, I got to know the working methods of my German colleagues, which inspired me - and removed the guilt towards some of my clients. Foreign specialists paid great attention to the client's readiness for cooperation and partnership. And already at the level of a preliminary interview, they decided whether they would take up this case or not.

Often a client, coming to a meeting with a psychologist, tries to shift responsibility for his life onto the shoulders of a specialist, making him his “parent”. To be honest, this option is financially beneficial to the therapist. To do this, it is enough to immerse the client in a blissful state of ideal childhood and give the installation: “I am your magic parent who will take care of you. You don't need to think about anything. We will find the guilty ones and make them responsible for everything that doesn’t suit you.” "Just pay!" - you add. And you will be right.

Yes, almost all of our problems are rooted in childhood. Therefore, working with a client, you need to go through all the stages of his growing up - from early years, through teenage rebellion, productive cooperation and partner maturity in relationships, when you need to leave. And the specialist needs to have all these periods before his eyes.

We, psychologists, ourselves often, due to our own narcissism, get stuck in a situation of the client's power over us: when we crave praise, approval, claim the honorary title of a wizard, a guardian angel from the Internet, a fairy or, at worst, Santa Claus. We choose the entourage for such a role without stint - expensive, with elements of grandeur and inaccessibility, with gilding, mahogany and genuine leather. Or - a democratic version of skype consultations without the energy of filling and a special atmosphere (why even spend money on an hourly rent of an office?). And an insane number of methods and directions in psychology (from NLP, transactional analysis, psychodrama, gestalt therapy, existential therapy to constellations or psychological "coaching" that is now fashionable) create such a colorful buffet that a fastidious client, coming up with a tray, begins to type - a little of this, a little of this … Everything for you! Everything at your feet! And some of the psychologists too!

Once I consulted a woman who, to her credit, talked a lot, pulled herself out of herself, talked about her difficult family relationships. As it is customary for us, psychologists, to say: “I did a good job”. As usual, so as not to drive her into the trap of an immediate decision to cooperate, I invited the potential client to listen to herself in silence and answer the question - am I her therapist?

To which the woman replied that this week she has two or three more consultations planned with other specialists, following which she will make a choice. Wow tender! I suddenly imagined that to each of them she would tell the same thing, with no less anguish. And I felt uneasy. Because it already prompted thoughts about borderline disorders. Of course, it is not a fact that such behavior has become the rule when choosing specialists. But the fact is that if we are perceived as "suppliers of goods and services", then "the client is always right" and "you can arrange a casting."

Fortunately, such cases are very rare in my practice. Typically, people come to me on a recommendation and with realistic expectations. They already have a certain degree of trust that allows them not to turn the consultation into a hysterical spectacle. By the way, that lady hired two gestaltists and happily pitted them against each other. And what? She pays both honestly! Once she wrote me a letter with a request to analyze the work of her psychologists. I replied with a categorical refusal. But I have no doubt that later on there was someone who did it anyway …

My students often ask, "Do you refuse clients?" And they get the answer: "Of course!" I honestly say that this happens for a variety of reasons. To some, I do not seem competent enough. It happens that our relationship with the client does not develop - and we part. There was a funny case when a provincial girl trying to conquer Moscow was not satisfied with the size and color of the furniture in my office on Baumanskaya. She wanted white curtains fluttering from the wind in an open window, a huge room with light furniture … She read one of Irwin Yalom's books and decided that this is how the office of a successful psychologist should look like. She came to me with a ready-made, beautiful-sounding diagnosis, like a colleague, for confirmation. Here I again disappointed her. Is it clear that "she left me"?

Now seriously. I always refuse people who are willing to pay me money so that I can teach them how to manipulate others. This is not for me. I part without regret with people who do not fulfill their obligations. This is the frequent cancellation of meetings, and disrespect for work, and building relationships along the vertical "you are in my service." I calmly respond to a question like "Why am I paying you money?" Our profession is beautiful only on the outside: a sofa, an armchair, a cozy atmosphere, restraint, attention … Inside there is a lot of pain, fear, despair, aggression, accusations and insults. I am not afraid of this and do not avoid it. If all of the above is manifested, then the work is productive and efficient.

In my therapeutic practice, I use the principle of mutual choice: as the client has the right to choose his own psychologist, so the psychologist has the right to choose his clients.

My beloved Irwin Yalom does not get tired of repeating that psychology is not methods, not directions, and not even knowledge, but relationships. I compare therapy to meeting two people at a certain stage in life. Before parting, they must live some part of life together - and both change. It is important to be prepared for these changes. Otherwise, the relationship will not work out. Throughout my career, there has not been a person who, in the process of a joint journey (long or short), would not teach me something and would not change me. For which I am always grateful and what I always talk about when parting. Although all my clients joke that I have such luck - no one leaves me for good. This is not a compliment, they know that I do not like such praise. This is a hint of "incomplete treatment". I love healthy irony in relationships. They also know this - as they know about me and a lot of other things. We continue to be present in each other's life - when former clients send their friends and relatives to me, at rare meetings or calls, and sometimes - on the way along a different route.