Can't Get Myself To Work

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

The client turned with the request: “I can’t force myself to work”.

He is a manager, the salary is a small rate, and the main income is obtained as a percentage of turnover. His job is to call people and offer services. The more calls he made and the more people paid for the service, the more turnover, and the more his total income.

There are abilities: the language is suspended, there is work experience, he used to do it well - and earned decently.

But lately, everything is so lazy … And I seem to like my work, and I don't want to change it. And there is an opportunity to earn money, but the desire to do something has disappeared.

There is no energy for actions to attract buyers. Lethargy, apathy, tired of everything, doing something a little at work, but mostly "freebies". Looks at the news in the social. networks, different sites, pictures, photos and so on.

This is how it goes day after day. There is no control over him, his immediate boss is in another city - in the main office. Except for general reports once a month - no one touches the client at all. How many turnover has created - well, okay.

The client does little at work, is lazy - and as a result, the salary is barely enough for a living. I had to move out of the apartment and rent a room.

And so it goes day after day - I did a little something, but mostly "I sit and suffer from garbage, and I don’t know why".

The client got sick of it, but he can't do anything with himself.

I read on the Internet how to cope with laziness - nothing helped.

I got so tired that, on the advice of my friends, I went to a training on motivation.

At the training, many different methods were given, including those that he knew - from the Internet. But they either did not work for him, or had a short-term effect.

Also at the event, the trainer pointed out to those present that they needed to see what kind of "ass" you were in, and only then would the motivation to get out of it appear.

The client was hooked. Then, at the training, he argued with the coach, argued that he was doing well - he had arms, legs, brains, there was an interesting job, there were opportunities for professional growth, now he just had a period of idleness, “others are even worse”.

In general, he did not admit that he had huge problems in his life. "I'm alive, well, what else is needed."

A month has passed since the training, but the situation is the same. Laziness, I don't want to do anything.

I drew attention to this story regarding the recognition of the "I'm in the ass" point. She was very emotionally charged for the client. He himself seems to see that everything is bad, but on the other hand he says that he cannot admit it to himself. Something is in the way.

I clarify what is in reality: is it bad or not?

Objectively, it looks like this: 25 years, no relationship, rents a room in an apartment, or rather two of them live there, earns little. Recently, girls have not even met, in all spheres of life there is a blockage. And one thing clings to the other - how can you date a girl when you can't pay for her in a cafe. And you can't invite her home - even the room is not completely his.

It is obvious - yes, everything is bad. But there is a protest against the recognition of this condition.

We began to investigate the protest in more detail. From what feeling protests. What I want to say. What will happen if he does admit that he is "in the ass"?

I told the client that motivational trainers do this in order to generate energy for action. While you deny reality (and everything is fine with me!), Then nothing needs to be done - and there is no energy for action. After you recognize the "ass" - there will be energy to get out of it.

And this energy: the energy of such a feeling as EVIL. Because when you are really angry with yourself, you can take real steps and reverse the current situation.

We began to check why the scheme from the training did not work for the client. It turned out that there is some kind of mechanism in the client's psyche that turns the process in a different direction.

I asked him to say phrases on the topic “I'm in the ass” for a minute: I don't have a girlfriend, I don't have a normal salary, I don't have my own place to live, and so on.

After this exercise, the client wilted. Instead of being angry with himself, he emotionally fell into some other feeling. Shoulders are lowered, looks at the floor, all clenched, in appearance it definitely does not look like anger. Therefore, the scheme proposed by the trainer did not work.

I ask the question: how do you feel now? Do you notice that you have clenched, that your shoulders are drooping?

The client is aware of his condition and through figurative thinking we come to the fact that something presses on his shoulders. Some kind of super heavy burden that to bear is simply unbearablebut also throw it away can not.

He "SHOULD HAVE" but failed. The client blames himself for his position.

That is, after recognizing his current position, the client falls into a sense of guilt.

And it is even more energetically lower state - there is no desire FOR ANYTHING.

Not for making money, not for dating girls. Therefore, during the training, the defense worked to admit oneself in a bad position - so as not to fall into tremendous sense of guilt.

Next, we start working with guilt. Someone instilled in him a sense of guilt.

Who is the recipient of the SHOULD message? Who blames him?

First, the client says that he blames himself, after looking deep into himself, the client says: "It seems that everyone blames me!"

We continue to investigate guilt, and then we come to the main accusing figure - the father.

It is as if the father's screaming voice sounds in the client's head: “Lobotryat! At your age, I already had a family, had a stable job, and you are fooling around. You are capable, but lazy. There will be no use from you."

And the client feels guilty for not achieving what the father achieved. He has no family!

I ask him, his parents got married when his father was 24 years old.

And then the client realizes that just the period of laziness he started about 8 months ago - just from the moment when he turned 25 years old.

The next question of the client - why am I lazy then?

A huge guilt for not living up to my father's expectations. A kind of duty, which he took upon himself to fulfill - and did not fulfill.

There was a desire to start a family, but in fact, until it turned out to build a serious relationship with any girl.

"I MUST start a family by 24!"

Since this debt sent to the past - the client is 25 years old, then the instruction is no longer possible to achieve. And for unrealistic purposes - THE ORGANISM DOES NOT PROVIDE ENERGY.

That's why it's laziness, that's why it's apathy. It is impossible to change something in the past. The only time available is NOW.

This concludes our first session. The client left with a number of realizations and understanding of his situation.

Then, for two sessions, we worked with a sense of guilt, with the father's message - "You should get married by the age of 24 and have a good job" and the realization of why the father gave such a message to his son.

Then we found out how the client took upon himself the words of his father in the form of duty and a heavy burden. Why he took it and from what needs.

Then we worked on letting go of the guilt. There was a lot of things here: the realization of the desire to prove to the father that he is "good", shame, the differences between him and the father, and that each of them has the right to do as he wants. The client is not obliged to exactly repeat the fate of his father. We worked out permission to live not out of DEBT, but because the client considers it necessary himself.

Awareness of their connection with the father, that it is important for the client to evaluate him and receive recognition. We looked for ways to get recognition in a different way, not only through the fact that “to start a family at the age of 24”.

As a result, all the DEBT was removed, the guilt was gone.

And immediately there was energy for action - the client already at the session realized that there was a desire to immediately do at least something. He drove home and began to sort out the old mess in the room, washed all the dishes.

A few weeks later I got in touch with the client - he was "flooded"! There is a lot of enthusiasm at work, does a lot of things. I went to visit my parents - I asked my father for forgiveness, as a result we talked heart to heart with my father, the father even became somehow emotionally closer. He began to get acquainted with girls, is already looking for options to rent a separate apartment.

As a result of our joint work, the client forgot about his sad state, in which he turned to me for help. Now he is a young, energetic and purposeful young man with new dreams and ideas.

In fact, if a person manages to get rid of the imposed feeling of guilt, duty, energy begins to flow easily and freely, there is a desire to act and move, and life begins to please and give new hopes.