2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
Probably, many of us sometimes wondered what allows some people to find the right words, intonations and correctly present arguments in controversial situations, while other people, perhaps no less educated, get lost, confused and do not achieve the goal.
We can also trace examples of the fact that under similar initial conditions (social, financial, cultural, age), some people make a huge number of friends, confidently move up the career ladder, easily get out of conflict situations and create comfortable relationships with both bosses and subordinates. Others, trying to play the "trump card" of their professionalism, ambition and good intentions, stumble at almost every step, accumulate a large number of resentments, suffer from internal conflicts and blame others for their failures.
In this context, a well-known joke comes to mind:
- Gentlemen! How so?! Why didn't my ace of trump play?
- Alignment, my friend, alignment!
We can call this phenomenon in different ways: intuition, effective communication skill, professionalism, personal charm in the end.
Until recently, we used to think that it is the IQ level that affects the success of a person in life, and most of us can remember the sacramental phrase of our parents "study! … otherwise …"
In the late 1980s and early 1990s, there was a real revolution in understanding the importance of emotional intelligence. The reason for this is the findings of psychologists who studied the skills of successful and wealthy leaders. It turned out that IQ has very little effect on success: it is much more influenced by effective interaction with others; the ability to perceive emotions as important signals; the ability to motivate oneself and others, to positively influence people and the situation as a whole; the ability to manage your own emotions, not allowing them to interfere with the achievement of the goal.
Traditional understanding of intelligence and IQ did not include these aspects. Therefore, a new concept was introduced - emotional intelligence (EI).
Also, 2002 became the most important moment in the issue of detailed study of emotional intelligence. The Nobel Prize in Economics was awarded to psychologists D. Kahneman and W. Smith for research in the field of behavioral economics. If we talk about its results in a nutshell, it has been proven that most often people, making decisions, are guided not by logical intelligence, but by emotions.
What is emotional intelligence?
The basic definition of EI includes the concept of a person's ability to perceive, understand, evaluate and manage their emotions. It is emotional intelligence that influences our behavior, our decisions and actions.
The main five components of emotional intelligence are self-awareness, self-regulation, motivation, social skills, and empathy.
Interestingly, EI is much lower in young people - because they lose the habit of communicating live. From childhood, young people of the 21st century spend a lot of time at the computer, become less sociable, "read" other people worse, and rarely establish live contact with them. In some countries, for example, the USA, there are entire programs in which young people are taught to develop EI.
It is actually very difficult to measure emotional skills. Most often, tests convince us that we can control our emotions. A more accurate result is provided by separate tests aimed at measuring the level of each component of the EQ. The most accurate are the results that we get when we work directly with a psychologist, and not on our own or on special Internet sites. The only exception to this rule are questionnaires on the ability to read facial expressions and body language.
By what signs can we determine our low level of EI?
- Frequent feeling that others do not understand us, and this upsets us;
- we are surprised when others take offense at our comments, in which case we think that they take everything too close to their hearts;
- we expect from others what we are capable of ourselves;
- we always find the guilty ones, but we never blame ourselves;
- we find it irritating that others expect us to understand their feelings.
A high EI coefficient can be safely diagnosed in oneself if:
-we are able to recognize our emotions
- we admit to ourselves in certain emotions, not dividing them into worthy and unworthy.
-we know how to control our emotions and do not become their slave.
we are able to show empathy and understand the emotions of other people without words.
Here it will be logical to ask the question: what to do if there are signs of both a high level of EI and a low one..?
In this context, things are quite optimistic.
Unlike IQ, which does not change significantly throughout life, emotional intelligence can be developed regardless of age.
How well a person understands himself, so well is his EI developed.
We influence each other even when we ride in the same elevator in silence. This is due to the fact that the human system that is associated with emotions, unlike all other systems, is open: by subtle and subtle, but numerous signals, we feel each other's emotional state, even when we say nothing. In addition, emotions and states are contagious: after being together for some time, people are imbued with the same emotional state. If you develop this area of EI - for example, at trainings on the psychology of influence - you can learn to infect people with the right idea and emotion; persuade, understanding the interests and desires of the opponent; create the right atmosphere and emotional climate in your team.
If we talk about how to develop your emotional intelligence, then here you should heed a few simple tips that will help improve your emotional skills
Understand your emotions. To be able to distinguish between their subtleties, to look for sources of resources and joy.
Notice your emotional reactions.
Pay attention to what is happening to you and around you, and try to understand how you feel about these phenomena on an emotional level.
Listen to your body language. Do not suppress physical manifestations of feelings.
Never complain, but sincerely admit to oneself in certain emotions, even if they are painful or traumatic.. (For such cases, you should choose for yourself several motivational statements of "great" people (at your discretion - your favorite athletes, actors, directors, writers, heroes of films).
Learn to stay calm in any situation and control stress
There is a rule of 6 seconds - that is how much passes between the first emotional and the second thoughtful reaction. This time is given to us so that we keep silent and thus do not have time to do mischief, but cope with emotions and react adequately. Successful leaders, negotiators, and managers have precisely this kind of "intellectual-emotional", deliberate, rather than uncontrolled, destructive response.
Be open and friendly in relationships. These two qualities practically go hand in hand with emotional intelligence.
Develop empathy skills. This will teach you to understand the feelings of other people and share your emotions with them.
Learn to listen. Both literally and figuratively. It is not only words that matter, but also tone, expression, body language at the moment of speech. With a certain amount of skill in these parameters, you can even learn to distinguish between truth and falsehood.
Be emotionally honest. You should not answer “excellent” to the question “how are you?”, Even asked out of banal politeness, if everything is bad with you.
Practice the desired reactions. You cannot force yourself to feel or not feel any emotion, but you can decide how to react to it. Lost for a trifle? Make a conclusion, and next time keep yourself together,
Develop emotional memory
You can keep a special diary and write down your emotional reactions there. By rereading it over time, you will be able to look at yourself from the outside, understand what you did right or not, and correct your future behavior.
The presence of emotional intelligence in a person makes him more confident in his desires. Such people quickly recover from stress, they are very resistant to it, Life seems more relaxed if you have a high level of emotional intelligence."
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