2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
If not yours, I don’t like it, I don’t like it. If she smelled, I tried it and changed my mind. Do not try to cram into yourself, swallow, overcoming disgust and a sense of satiety. Not to eat. If you don't feel like eating. If what is suggested does not fit. If during the trial it became clear that I do not want this. If the food is too tough, rough, indigestible.
Our entire relationship with someone or with something is similar to our relationship with food. The metaphor of food was introduced by Perls, the founding father of Gestalt Therapy. In Comparison - Freud looks at a relationship with something or with someone using the example of sexual attraction.
But it's easier for me with food.
Allowing yourself not to eat - not to cram something into yourself, but to stop and move the plate away - is not as easy as it seems
Like a great many Soviet people, I experienced food violence as a child. “Let's swallow! Just try to spit it out, and a plate of semolina will fly into your head,”- said the nurse in kindergarten or not, but this is how I remember. I began to eat semolina porridge only after forty years.
Refusing to eat was not easy. They could beat, insult. The experience of the inevitability of humiliation made me suppress the gag reflex and swallow. To cram something unpushy into yourself.
“Eat, there may be no tomorrow,” is a vow from grandfather. He survived hunger, war. He knows what he is talking about. "Eat for good."
“Others do not have this either. Rejoice that you have. " - the words of the grandmother. In this regard, to refuse is "to anger God." "Take it, eat it, rejoice - do not anger God." “Be grateful for what you have. Otherwise, there may not be tomorrow."
“Eat, it is necessary, useful. You need to eat,”- my mother’s words.
“They prepared for you, but you turn your nose up ?!” - this is already dad.
“Everything has been paid for. I tried, I did for you. What to throw out now? What is all this in vain? - this is the husband.
“Mom, just try it! Try, what is difficult for you, or what ?! - this is a daughter …
How to refuse, when so many loving people ask you, admonish, insist, threaten? …
As far back as I can remember, I have always been overweight. And only recently, thanks to years of therapy, I began to notice how I force myself with food. How I practically stuff food into me. I suddenly began to distinguish how, somewhere inside me, a little girl closes her eyes and begins to swallow porridge quickly, quickly. And only some time ago her whisper appeared: “I don’t want to. I do not want any more…"
I'm learning to allow myself not to eat. Even if paid. Even if they take offense and put a lot of effort into cooking. Even if everyone praises and everyone tastes good. And I believe it's delicious.
I am learning to allow myself not to eat:
training courses, which are so important in my work, if there are more of them than I can digest and comprehend in this period of time; if I taste it, I understand that it is not mine. The serving of the dish is not mine, the smell, taste, color, the “kitchen” itself is not mine. Although I believe that it is valuable and useful. And oh god! - I see that many people seem to like it. I am learning to experience that I am in the minority. But I really didn't like it. And I refuse
books, films, articles. Even when from my favorite authors. I will not eat out of faithfulness. Just out of interest
relationship. I will try. Allowing myself not to rush, but taking the risk of going, if I'm interested, is attractive. Even if exciting and new, but I'll try, take a chance. If, sniffing and listening, I get involved, I will go
If the relationship starts to smell bad, I'll move the plate aside and find out what happened. I don’t want to eat “obviously tainted food”. I will not eat anything that makes me sick.
Before swallowing any postulate from a lecture, book, course, I will grind it into a hundred small pieces. I will envelop each of them with my understanding, experience, and only when all this practically became mine, I will swallow and make a part of myself.
And one more important point - the choice appears in abundance. When I can choose or I understand that I can choose. When I am in acute hunger, I do not care how to drown it.
The choice appears when I have the opportunity to stop, draw in air with my nostrils and listen to myself. What do I want? Is this here what I want? If for some reason I have to swallow without looking, I again turn into a little girl who closes her eyes and stops feeling..
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