On The Invisible Heroes Of The Therapeutic Process

Video: On The Invisible Heroes Of The Therapeutic Process

Video: On The Invisible Heroes Of The Therapeutic Process
Video: Sexual Violation and The Invisible Hero | Lisa Foster | TEDxCrestmoorParkWomen 2024, March
On The Invisible Heroes Of The Therapeutic Process
On The Invisible Heroes Of The Therapeutic Process
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When a client comes to a psychologist for help, he brings with him trauma, experiences, all personal experience of communication. He talks about his life, about his relatives - parents, sisters or brothers and other family members. But they themselves do not come live to your office, the client brings his experiences about them. These are internal images that have arisen inside him since childhood, from communication with mom, dad, or another significant person who was nearby. This is the "inner dad", or "mom", with them so often there are dialogues inside.

And the more the client unfolds his story in therapy, the clearer it becomes how these inner dads, mums, and grandparents begin to sound. And, unfortunately, it often happens that these are not voices of support and empathy, but rather the other way around. And here we are faced with another concept that needs clarification. This is the concept of "transfer", that is, the unconscious movement of previously experienced (especially in childhood) feelings and relationships, intended for one person, to another completely. Transference is a defense mechanism in our psyche that protects us from difficult, painful experiences. And it can manifest itself in the fact that the client begins to attribute his own hostile or other forbidden feelings to his therapist. When this happens, we are talking about negative transference formation. This is a difficult but important step in the therapeutic process.

In a negative transference, a critical voice of the father, unexpressed latent anger of the mother, resentment and aggression against a brother or sister can fall on the psychologist. These can be such manifestations as “You are doing your job badly, it’s not getting easier for me”, “I don’t want to follow your rules”, “You criticize me all the time”, “I myself know what is best for me, without your interpretations . A person defends himself with all his might from powerlessness and helplessness, which was unbearable in childhood and remains unbearable now.

And getting to these feelings and expressing them is really difficult for the therapist. Even the thought of such a possibility gives rise to many fears of being unheard, ridiculed, rejected, fear of becoming abnormal in the eyes of the therapist. And there can be a feeling of guilt for all these thoughts. But it is possible to reach them. In confidential contact with the therapist, where there is a safe space, the client can try to express these feelings - anger, anger, disappointment, abandonment, as in the relationship with the therapist "here and now", and to the inner mom, dad or other significant adult who was there as a child.

Such contact and space do not add up immediately and take time. As in everyday life, trust builds slowly from session to session. Patience, careful attitude of the therapist play an important role in this, as well as the efforts and interest of the client himself.

At the same time, such work, voicing your feelings in contact with the therapist gives the client a new experience - when the person to whom you express your negative emotions does not give a person's reaction in ordinary communication, does not go into his own defenses, does not begin to show negative emotions in response. … He withstands the pressure, "contains" it, while remaining in contact with you. Over and over again, the client understands more and more that these emotions can be endured, you can give them free rein and at the same time not lose yourself and not lose contact with another person. At the same time, there is a rethinking of many processes: both what happens between the therapist and the client in the session, and the client's old emotional baggage.

The client absorbs this experience, absorbs it, thus changing his internal objects. The inner dad can not only criticize and devalue, but also support, praise. The inner voice of the mother begins to warm, give care and affection, which we so often need at any age.

At the same time, the relationship between the client and the therapist is also changing, the transference is increasingly acquiring a plus sign. The client, as it were, becomes his own therapist, integrating the positive experience he has received. He feels support and support within himself. Perceives any experience through the prism of these good objects, knows how to withstand both his own emotions and the emotions of other people. These are the important changes that make a person's life more harmonious and free, giving space for the realization of their real desires. And which can be a sign of the possibility of completing the therapeutic process.

Summing up, I want to add that here I tried to describe how the process of therapy appears to me in general terms, my thoughts and experiences, derived from personal therapy and from the experience of working with clients. What is common in the work, despite the fact that each person's history and therapeutic process is individual and unique.

I conclude with a quote from the Norwegian psychotherapist and writer Finn Skerderud, which inspired me to write this article: “In psychotherapeutic dialogue, we work to get closer to pain. However, this is done in order to then leave her behind."

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