Get A Hold Of Yourself

Video: Get A Hold Of Yourself

Video: Get A Hold Of Yourself
Video: AMV - Nostromo - Binary Overdrive (Sugar Jesus - Get A Hold Of Yourself) 2024, March
Get A Hold Of Yourself
Get A Hold Of Yourself
Anonim

Thoughtfully, I asked my daughter: “What comes to your mind when you hear the phrase“Pull yourself together!”. She made such a gesture. Almost like that, she has no tail.

So, let's say someone says to me: "Come on, pull yourself together!" And he adds: "Pull yourself together!" Even imagining such a situation, I seem to stumble upon an invisible wall. After a couple of seconds, my shoulders drop, I try to decrease in size, become less noticeable. A lump of fear is born inside. "I did something wrong!" The fear is joined by bewilderment: “What exactly have I done and what should I do now?” I smile with embarrassment and feel out of place.

Most often, it is advised to pull yourself together when you are vulnerable, defenseless and full of strong emotions. You are overwhelmed with anxiety, confusion, confusion, anger, anger, hatred, or vice versa, you squeak with delight, joy, pleasure.

In fact, the speaker does not care what is happening to you right now. He's trying to "shut up your fountain." At this moment, your feelings are intolerable to him. For different reasons. He himself does not know how to be so happy, he is afraid of your aggression, does not know how to behave. And most importantly, he is afraid of his reciprocal feelings. Yes, your reactions seem frightening, shameful, awkward, strange to him.

When my daughter was writing her first exam, I was as worried as she was. For a whole year, I used examples to talk about stress, self-regulation skills, adaptation and ways to cope with anxiety. And so, my girl runs out of school and, excitedly jumping up, incessantly talks about the tasks and her answers. The daughter's excitement, it seemed, would never end. In all honesty, I can honestly say that I was uncomfortable. I physically wanted to take her by the shoulders, stop jumping and say: "Pull yourself together. Now, slow down and from the very beginning." Have you noticed similar actions? I wanted to take my daughter by the shoulders and say: "Pull yourself together." Clear water projection. My unbearable feelings are carried over to my daughter. In my discomfort there was shame for indecent behavior in public, an attempt to devalue my child's experience (I wrote and wrote that such) and even envy (damn it, I don't know how to ride like that).

Often, those for whom the pain of others is intolerable demand to pull themselves together. “Do not cry, bear with others, it’s worse for others” - this is how their shock and confusion sound. It hurts them desperately to come into contact with someone else's wound. They perceive your pain as their own, but they do not know how to cope with it. Learned to endure, wait, hope for a miracle, but not show their vulnerability, weakness. At such moments it seems to them (children's mythological works) that if you close your eyes and say the magic word "This is not!", Then everything will disappear, and the world will become understandable, simple and familiar. And then you … gush …

There is also a version that “Pull yourself together” means disconnecting yourself from your emotions. "I got up and went!" By biting their lip and clenching their jaws, some people selflessly move towards their goal. They lose weight, limiting their diet to water and beet cake, tortured with garden plots and bouts of hypertension, suffer pains of various scales without going to a doctor. Or they continue to live with a rapist, an alcoholic, a drug addict in the hope for the best, they punish children by "tightening the screws", expecting that "just about he will understand that it is impossible to do this!"

Pulling yourself together sounds like a call to fight. But you and … you are participating in the battle for the "best". Fighting with yourself. What will the winner get? Who will be defeated?

But if you go back to the beginning and repeat the pull yourself together, you get … a hug. And then the call to stop feeling is transformed - can I hug you? Are you in pain, lonely, bitter? Will you let me hug you, share your sorrow? Or maybe your hugs will be happy, full of warmth and joy?

A couple of days ago, in a general topic, the question was casually raised - is it possible to hug the client and the therapist. I expressed the idea of the healing of such a process and added that the hugs are unlikely to be long. Returning to the phrase "Pull yourself together" and keeping in mind the idea of its equivalence with bodily manifestations, I want to add a temporal aspect. Any embrace cannot last long, then it will turn into strangulation, merging, absorption of another. Even children break free from affectionate hands. Moreover, the emotional reaction itself, its peak of excitement or the duration of the passage is temporary. Those. any emotion is finite. The release of the hormone will end, its amount in the blood will decrease, and arousal will decline.

Observe the children. Their vivid sensory experiences (if not disturbed) last 10-15 minutes. This fact is easy to put into practice. Let your feelings and the feelings of other people be (I wrote how to live feelings). Do not be intimidated by the intensity of their manifestation, it is temporary.

If you find it difficult to deal with your experiences, seek professional help.

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