How To Get Over A Breakup?

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Video: How To Get Over A Breakup?

Video: How To Get Over A Breakup?
Video: How to Get Over The End of a Relationship | Antonio Pascual-Leone | TEDxUniversityofWindsor 2024, March
How To Get Over A Breakup?
How To Get Over A Breakup?
Anonim

It just so happens in life that not all stories end with a happy ending. And many - fortunately. Each separation has its own story. They part because of dislike. Because of stupidity. Because of grievances. Men can leave even the woman they love when their Ego suffers. Women, when they love, usually do not leave. They pray. Scandal. They tolerate. And they are waiting for a Miracle!

Breaking up is always very painful. All abandoned lovers (fu, what a disgusting word! Akhmatova's words come to mind: "Abandoned! An invented word. Am I a flower or a letter? …") are experiencing 2 bright post-periods.

1 period "Denial" - you just do not believe that this is the end. You hope he comes to his senses. You are offended, you forgive. You try not to call, you call. You are angry, you cry. You constantly analyze the relationship, you only talk about it. You return to the places where you felt good, as if there you can find the lost puzzles of your happiness. You visit mutual acquaintances in an attempt to "accidentally" meet him. You reread the correspondence, conduct mental dialogues with him. You get your friends with your souls. You look at your photos, tear them to shreds, glue them together. Either you build strategies for returning your beloved with your friends or specialists of all stripes, then you try to prove to yourself that you are right and are worth something - and start new novels. You are trying diligently to kindle the embers of his feelings, to return it at any cost … You have a lot of energy that you ignominiously burn in the fire of empty hopes. Often you do frankly stupid things, although your brain helpfully finds an explanation and justification for each of them. It is difficult to reproach you for inaction, and at the same time for adequacy. This is a period of struggle with oneself, the past, and reality.

But one day there comes a moment when you suddenly realize that everything is in vain. And then the bitter part of love story begins - "Humility".

This is the 2nd period of a love tragedy. “Chef! Everything is lost! - your tired brain gives the command. And the energy-saving mode turns on: universal sadness covers you. You are no longer trying to change fate. You show your former lover your powerlessness and deep despair. You are in pain, and pain is always a signal to others that you need help.

You don't seem to be hoping for anything anymore, although in reality you are using your last ace up your sleeve: appealing to pity. Renowned anthropologist Helen Fisher explains this behavior by the fact that people are very social. Well, a person cannot calmly look at a suffering person (especially if he was once dear) - he is trying to help him. Nature has programmed us to be sympathetic, otherwise, without mutual support, we would have died out at the dawn of humanity. Because of a sense of empathy, even a person who has fallen out of love can return, not a beast! But pity does not last long. Are you really sure that this is all that you deserve in this one life of yours? After all, if he descends, then you will return to the same relationship, to the same person, to the same problems as before.

Of course, there are interrupted novels that are filled with love and meaning again. But this happens if, during the time of separation, a mutual burning desire has appeared to start all over again, without pressure and emotional pressure from one of the parties. When the partners realized their mistakes and decided to correct them. You can start a relationship all over again, but you don't need to continue.

One-way traffic in Love leads to collapse, no matter how good your intentions are to make a man happy. Accept the separation as a fact and do not try to reason with him or arouse pity. Your hyper-initiative can only push him away.

"You can't be cute by force!" - so you need to say to your beloved and leave loving. Disappear from his life, despite the predictable desire to return everything at any cost. Imagine that he flew to Mars, forever. What would you do then? Try to live happily, become valuable in your eyes. Give yourself back your love, energy and respect bit by bit. Make plans without him, paint the bright perspectives of the beautiful far away. But set goals for yourself short-term and easily achievable. Praise yourself for the smallest successes, celebrate the smallest victories.

Give yourself time. If he did not return within a maximum of a year and a half, it means that his decision was final. Although a few weeks of your indifference is enough for him to start worrying. A hurt self-esteem contributes to the awareness of loss.

A loving person will definitely want to return. And if you ask to come back, do not throw yourself on his neck right away, because if during the time of separation you worked a lot on yourself, you became wiser and began to truly respect and love yourself. Has he changed? Are you ready to start a relationship with this person? Start rather than continue?

COACH EXERCISE "BOX OF HAPPINESS"

Imagine that your good mood is a pearl necklace, which at the moment of severe stress tore and crumbled along the bottom of an abandoned lake. And now you need to dive after it and catch one pearl at a time, clean it and put it in a chic box in order to get it out when you need it.

Pearls are your pleasant memories, your resource

1. Remember the best moments of your life when you felt happy, joyful and / or when you were full of optimism, pleasant anticipation.

Allow yourself to mentally return to the joyous moment. What did you feel then? If there was a place in your body for this feeling, where would it be? What if this sensation had color, temperature, texture? If there was an image of this feeling, what would it be? Take a deep breath. Remember these feelings.

What will change in your soul if you take these moments and sensations with you for the next few days?

2. For 3 days, put a signal on your phone, and every half hour recreate these images and sensations in your body, taking a deep breath. And at the same time, notice and note to yourself what is beautiful and pleasant you see, hear, feel at the moment. This is how, bit by bit, by bead, you will again regain your good mood.

SMILE))

Stupid! Well, why are you worried that your breasts are the first size !? But the legs are out … forty-fourth!

Quote:

"Now that we have learned to fly through the air like birds, swim under water like fish, we only need one thing - to learn to live on earth like people." Bernard Show

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