Perverse Narcissism - Deep Throat By The Fear Virus

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Video: Perverse Narcissism - Deep Throat By The Fear Virus

Video: Perverse Narcissism - Deep Throat By The Fear Virus
Video: Why Narcissism is the "Secondhand Smoke" of Mental Health 2024, March
Perverse Narcissism - Deep Throat By The Fear Virus
Perverse Narcissism - Deep Throat By The Fear Virus
Anonim

The article discusses people (each of us knows similar ones) who are called "perverse narcissists." This is an excellent illustration of infection by the fear virus in a deep stage, where the virus substance displaces the person's soul and takes control of the body, spreading further to loved ones

Today I want to talk to you about vampires. Perhaps this information will help someone to maintain mental and physical health, or even life. You will say that these are all fairy tales and in real life, no one, except for harmful insects and leeches, drinks our blood. In part, I agree with you. But the vampires we have to meet do not trade in blood at all, they need our energy. Let's figure out who in our real life can be considered a real vampire and whether you personally have to communicate with such individuals.

Remember if there is a person in your environment (among colleagues, friends, relatives) in front of whom you always feel an inexplicable feeling of guilt, whom you constantly want to please, but nothing good comes of it. After communicating with him, you feel devastated / devastated, weakened / weakened, but it is not possible to break this relationship, you, as if by a magnet, are attracted to him / her, and you really want to win his / her kind attitude towards yourself. If the answer is yes, then you are in real danger, but your salvation is in your own hands. Everything in order. First, I'll talk about how these parasitic organisms work. After all, the enemy must be well studied otherwise, the fight against him is useless. For those in whose environment such individuals are not observed, I also recommend reading this article to the end, because who knows what lies ahead …

First, let's define the term. These people are called differently: psychopaths, emotional vampires, perverse narcissists. "Perverse" - from the Latin word perverere - to distort, turn, turn out, the main meaning is a change in the meaning of an action through a change in its direction. I suggest dwelling on the last term (introduced by Dr. Irigoyun). I must say right away that communicating with a perverse narcissist is a one-way journey, with a very small opportunity to return back. The very concept of narcissism means "I love myself very much."

But in reality, the opposite is true. These individuals always have something to do, but at the same time - they have nothing to be. They are very afraid of losing themselves, so they are constantly looking for opportunities for self-realization and self-improvement, skipping real life. And the easiest way to rise (especially in the absence of any talents) is to belittle the dignity of another. The problem of narcissism is not visible from the outside, but grandiose from the inside. No matter how lucky these people are, they always feel like nothing. And they hate you simply because you exist, because you have what they do not have. For example, you can sing, dance, paint, you have a good family, you are always cheerful and optimistic, etc.

Do not rush to feel sorry for morally perverse individuals, they say, their perverseness is the result of any mental illness and neurotic reactions. No, do not be fooled, I assure you, this is just cold rationality, coupled with the inability of this individual to consider other people as human beings, for them the recognition of this fact is tantamount to the complete collapse of their personality. Unlike the tyrant, the perverse narcissist will never dare to openly struggle for power and to openly abuse it. Also, he does not dare to direct conflict and the use of force, he comes to power and gradually destroys people who have become psychologically dependent on him only with the help of his psychological manipulations. Interestingly, perverse narcissists will never get involved with tyrants and those like themselves (we will return to this a little later). So, if you are not a representative of one of these two categories, then you automatically fall into a risk group and can fall victim to such an aggressor.

When the perverse interact with other people, no interaction just happens, they become the only subjects of every action. Quite simply, perverse narcissists take whatever they need from the victim. They see no other way of existence for themselves, except for destructiveness through complete psychological control over it. The hallmark of perverse narcissists is not only a complete lack of the ability to empathize and compassion for others, but also a complete lack of emotional life. Their feelings are fleeting, like the sparks of a fire, dying out as quickly as they appear. But they are not capable of experiencing true feelings. This is precisely the basic characteristic of their personality. Perverse feigns their own existence, appropriating the life force and unique personality characteristics of others.

After all, those who do not have their own life, it is necessary to appropriate someone else's, if this is not possible, then they certainly need to destroy it. Hence the frequent comparison of the perverse with the vampires. They communicate with others from a position of strength, which they have in simulation (life, feelings). As mentioned above, in fact, the perverse are insensitive. They never suffer, they do not have affects, neuroses, emotional traumas (which they skillfully and with great pleasure simulate), there is no history, because perverse are never present in specific situations.

Characteristics of the perverse, carefully hidden by him from others

Megalomania … The perverse judge and moralize. Being inherently active-mediocre mediocrity, they, as a rule, boldly and gladly criticize everything. Only they know what is true, what is not true, what is good, what is bad, what is beautiful and what is not beautiful. They denounce their victims, and if they are silent, then in such a way that others feel a mute reproach for their imperfection. The perverse have no interest in other people. They demand that everyone be interested exclusively in them. They criticize absolutely everything and do not allow other people's success.

Vampiric envy … Pathological envy is inherent in the perverse. Anything can become its subject: talent, attractiveness, professional success, perky laughter, beautiful eyes, children, a dog, a car, a summer cottage. In general, everything that does not belong to him, regardless of what he himself has. And this envy causes an aggressive reaction in the perverse. He only hates you because he cannot become you. The only passion that the perverse do not feign is the desire for constant appropriation, with the help of which they achieve their power. Someone else's suffering gives them pleasure: "… now they will know their place, otherwise they have imagined themselves, who is now on top?" In fact, this urge to appropriate is the urge to destroy. If the perverse and in fact appropriated all the objects of envy, then he simply would not be able to figure out what to do with all this.

Negativism … The perverse is fueled by the positive energy of the people around him, which they constantly lack. In return, he pours out his negativity on them. The dissatisfied perverse take the advantageous position of the victim, blaming others for their dissatisfaction. To instill guilt, the perverse use simulated sacrifice and intense emotional trauma. Further, the victim is used indefinitely.

Avoiding responsibility … The perverse ascribe their mistakes, difficulties and failures to others, but for themselves they feel absolutely no guilt. They consider themselves to be the only subjects in this world, thereby denying reality. Negativism gives them the ability to get away from any unpleasant feelings. The denial of reality manifests itself in the perverse in everything. This is why perverse narcissists cannot make decisions (take responsibility). They shift all this onto the shoulders of others. The perverse one, like leeches, sticks to the human psyche, forcing him to believe that he independently came to the decision to love the perverse one more than life and protect him from any troubles.

Let's talk about the sacrifice of the perverse … He just needs a scapegoat. A person can become a victim of the perverse only because he so decided. The principle of selecting a victim is very simple - she was at his fingertips and interfered with him by the fact of her existence independent of him. The victim is of interest to the perverse only as long as it can be used, when such an opportunity disappears, the victim becomes an object of hatred (enemy) of the aggressor. As mentioned above, tyrants and the like will never fall victim to the perverse. His brother, a perverse narcissist, is able to quickly expose his simulation and will not hesitate to notify others about it. Therefore, the perverse will show him his teeth and, fearing exposure, will try not to communicate with him.

In relation to the true tyrant, the perverse will show ostentatious loyalty and will try to become his confidant. The tyrant's words do not diverge from deeds, he acts "without fear and reproach", uses force at his own discretion and does not try to adapt. In the case of the perverse, on the contrary, words always diverge from deeds. In words, he always denies what he is doing. He is adapted to any social requirements, as if he set out to represent a real example of social normality. Once again I want to emphasize - if you are not a tyrant or a perverse narcissist, then you can easily become a victim of a perverse one. To do this, you just need to be.

The perverse also has his own preferences in choosing a victim. As a rule, they choose people who are trusting, emotional, passionate, with a developed sense of responsibility, who are able to adapt and always take into account the needs of others, have vitality, be optimistic and confident in their abilities. By exploiting such people, the perverse gets the maximum benefit.

Now let's look at the dynamics of perverse relationships (emotional connection only).

So, the way of existence of perverse narcissists lies in their destructive parasitism on people, whom they subjugate with the help of psychological manipulations.

The perverse cycle can be represented as follows:

  • Seduction of the victim, her paralysis.
  • Submission, control over the victim and its exploitation.
  • Destruction of the victim as unnecessary and covering up the tracks.

This is followed by a repetition of the cycle for the next victim.

A perverse narcissist will never act by force. He sets himself the task of arranging everything so that people willingly give what he needs from them, and in the future they themselves ask for it.

Let's take a closer look at the first two stages of the perverse cycle - seduction and exploitation.

By seducing the victim, the perverse makes his own presentation, presenting himself as the desired object. In this case, in relation to the other, he behaves as if the only subject in the world was not himself, but that other. Simply put, the perverse feigns love.

"Bright candy wrapper". The true character traits of the perverse are always hidden, otherwise no one would ever have anything to do with him. But its "front" side is the complete opposite of the wrong side. The main rule of his presentation is to be the owner of positive qualities that the victim values and negative qualities that do not bother her. Moreover, the perverse immediately recognize the system of values of the potential victim and her preferences. And the point here is not at all in their intuition, but in the fact that usually people do not hide their life values, tastes and preferences at all, just the opposite. And it is not true that the perverse are not able to learn anything, it only concerns the fact that they are not at all interested. If you observe the communication style of the perverse during the presentation, you can be surprised at the large number of different questions that he asks his victim, and he does it very cleverly. He wants to know everything about the victim, is interested in absolutely everything and genuinely admires. Asks questions, makes controversial statements, and observes reactions closely. So he scans the image that he will play in front of the selected victim.

Love bombing. The purpose of this stage of seduction is to paralyze its victim, making it unable to defend itself. Paralysis in this case means the disabling of the victim's ability to think independently. During the period of seduction, the illusion of mutual exchange of feelings is created. This is love at first sight, unrestrained passion, the intensity of affects (which are based on the real passion of the perverse - an envious sensation). The perverse arranges everything so that the victim is always in his field of vision and not for a minute was left to himself, and even more so to third parties. All 24 hours a day, continuously, the victim must be a spectator and participant of this presentation: frequent meetings, phone calls and SMS, visits to the office, various signs of attention, acquaintance with the victim's parents and friends, etc. Due to their mediocrity, perverse narcissists simply love stamps and flares. In their amorous presentation, the perverse play a role, strictly adhering to the gender-typical scenario. There will be 9 and a half weeks, and a Thumbelina, and a Snow Maiden. And all under a light veil of incomprehensibility, mystery, mysterious past, rejection. It is this theatrical grotesque and "horror" of the situation in the future that will play a large role in maintaining the victim in a state of paralysis. The victim is stunned, unable to think sensibly and assess the situation. She thinks of only one thing: "This person is madly in love and really needs a reciprocal feeling."

Invasion (attack, penetration)

Already during the presentation, the personal boundaries of the victim are gradually eliminated. This is necessary to establish complete psychological control over the victim and further manipulate her behavior. The stage of seducing the victim is the stage of invading her soul, colonizing her worldview, washing her brain. From the very first moment of his presentation, the perverse begins to think for the victim, decide for her, skillfully replacing the thoughts and desires of the victim with his own: “Now you deny it, but I know that you want exactly this”, “I know your desires, better than you / yourself”… The perverse creates an image of his omnipotence in relation to the victim. She reserves the right to “read” all her thoughts and “understand” all her unconscious motives. The victim perceives all this as a dissolution in his beloved person. She does not even notice that she is left without her personal space and time, all this is absorbed by the perverse, requiring complete concentration on his person. Thus, the victim moves away from his usual social circle and remains alone with his "loved" person. She does not even notice that the perverse is increasingly beginning to play the role of the accuser, but she constantly has to make excuses: “Where have you been / were from 14.00 to 14.30. ? I drove / drove into the office, you were not there, you didn’t answer / didn’t answer phone calls”. The control of personal belongings, phone calls, mail begins and all this is interpreted by the victim as jealousy. In fact, all the victim's mental reactions are being programmed. This is necessary so that later one can easily activate any of them, and the victim would behave the way the perverted one needs.

Control and operation. When the perverse is convinced of his complete power over the victim, he immediately proceeds to the next stage, which is of particular interest to him - to control his victim, to always have it at his disposal. This is the first stage of violence against her. Violence is without the use of force and without much visibility. During his presentation, the perverse spent a lot of his energy. Although already at the moment of attracting the victim, he was fueled by her energy, but still, at the moment of his presentation, anger towards the victim grew in him: “After all, it is she / he who makes me behave this way (to pretend love), he / she needs from me only one thing …”As a result, by the time the perverse decided to start exploiting the victim, his hatred for her simply bubbled up, he was drawn to“revenge”. The perverse narcissist considers himself robbed, used, humiliated and insulted. He is ready to present the victim with a “full bill”.

The phase of total control and exploitation of the victim begins with

Sobering slap in the face.

As mentioned earlier, the perverse will never resort to physical violence. Refusal to communicate will act as a sobering slap in the face. The perverse disappears. He either leaves, or simply stops talking to the victim, sabotaging all her attempts to make contact with him. Thus, there is a complete lack of verbal communication. Instead, there are mute signs expressing complete displeasure: shrugs, sighs, goat's muzzles, rolling eyes. The victim begins to experience an inexplicable sense of guilt and asks, "What is my fault?" The perverse does not explain anything and denies that he is offended. Thus, he paralyzes the victim by waiting for an explanation. Refusal to communicate is a very effective way of exacerbating the conflict and transferring it completely into the psyche of the “rejected” victim. The denying dialogue, thus, shows the other person that he is not interested in him. Almost simultaneously with his refusal to communicate, the perverse introduces a third character (friend / girlfriend), to whom he directs the victim's indignation (if any), with the help of which he unfolds the strategy of humiliating his victim through comparison with her. The fatal mistake of the victim can be an attempt to explain himself with the perverse in writing. Since, setting out his questions and complaints, the victim will certainly begin to give explanations for his actions. As a result, it turns out that she

He asks forgiveness from the perverse for what, consciously or unconsciously, she could have done "bad".

The perverse will take this as complete proof of the victim's guilt. There is a formal shift in responsibility to the victim. Now she has to atone for her guilt. For this purpose, the perverse

A circle is outlined "do not cross".

More precisely, two circles. The first one is internal, where the victim has been “barred,” in its center will be the perverse himself. The second is external. He limits the distance at which the victim is allowed to retire so that the perverse does not lose his power over her, at any minute he could call her to himself, ask for something and leave again "home". This is called "available." In order to keep the victim within this outer circle, the perverse uses the following tactics:

Pulling the line

The principle of this tactic is simple. The perverse introduces the victim into a state of excitement, then observes her reaction, then introduces her into a state of vain expectation, not forgetting about timely encouragement. Let's see how it works in the following example. The perverse finally calls the victim and says in a "hinting" tone: "Hello! How long have we not seen each other … "The victim is inspired with lightning speed and says, very afraid to receive the refusal of the perverse:" Let's meet at lunchtime, have a coffee? " Then there is a pause. The perverse begins to "measure" the degree of interest of the victim: "So, everything is in order, as before, ready / ready to run to me at my first call." Then the perverse one proceeds to the "breakdown". He begins to "ponder" sniff into the receiver. The victim, fearing a refusal, begins to offer the perverse one a wide variety of options for a meeting: we will have lunch, dinner, go anywhere … Finally, the perverse one says: “I don’t even know if I can. I'll call you back". Of course, there will be no chimes. And the poor victim is left alone with disturbing thoughts. She will replay the telephone conversation thousands of times, looking for any signs and hints in it. Perverse periodically repeats a similar operation, but it does not always end in a bummer. It is very important. In order to keep the victim in a state of psychological instability for quite a long time, it is necessary to periodically give her hope. So, for example, the perverse can spend a romantic evening with the victim. After all, otherwise she simply will not withstand such an amount of negativity, she will begin to consult with someone, and they will hammer her head with all sorts of nonsense.

In mattress mode.

"Bummer" and "encouragement" always alternate, like dark and light stripes on a mattress. During the period of dark stripes, the victim should think about what she was guilty of and how the next time she will need to act in order not to be mistaken. During the period of light streaks, the victim is obliged to walk on tiptoe, guessing in advance what needs to be done, without being asked by the perverse one. Thus, the circle of subordination is closed. Now the perverse only decides for himself what and when to do. The victim becomes its smooth reflective surface. And if he is not reflected in it, then everything is gone, time has stopped and there is only one thing left - to look forward to the next session of reflection.

The consequences of all this fuss are very sad for the victim. During love bombing, her critical ability was paralyzed. So the only thing she could learn is that she is loved. Having received a sobering slap in the face, the victim will prefer to accept all the conditions of the perverse, justifying his act and blaming only himself for everything. She idealizes the perverse, for his sake begins to engage in psychological delights, reads special literature, imagines that she will surely satisfy his pain. Here begins an apologetic fantasy that the perverse simply became a victim of someone's intrigues. And she / he will certainly save him. Accepting his submission, the victim dies out more and more, becomes more depressed. The perverse is behaving more and more shamelessly and confidently. The victim becomes confused. She does not dare to complain, and does not really know what. The victim feels that there is emptiness in her head and it is very difficult for her to think. There is a depletion or even abolition of the victim's abilities, interests, inclinations, talents. She is constantly tired, it is very difficult for her to be spontaneous. All this inevitably leads to stress. The personality is erased, the victim is haunted by a feeling of emptiness and fear. She constantly fears that the perverse will lose all interest in her if she cannot give him anything. The victim avoids critical revision of what is happening. After all, it is difficult for her to believe that she has become a victim of deception, having met on her way with a very cruel person. She tries to establish the logic of the events taking place, and when she fails to do this, she acutely feels her powerlessness, which in turn gives rise to a feeling of shame. The victim blames himself for being the victim. She thinks that she got into this situation only because something is wrong with herself. Often the victim is given “useful” advice (sometimes even by psychoanalysts) that she, they say, needs to learn how to properly maintain a relationship … Of course, such help only pushes more towards a stressful situation. Stress arises from the constant desire to please the perverse in everything. It becomes chronic. The victim has suspiciousness, general anxiety, obsessive thoughts, an effort to predict and prevent all the desires of the perverse, alertness, nervous tension. The victim does not understand that all her good intentions in relation to the perverse, first of all, turn against herself. After all, by doing so, she gives more opportunities to the perverse to manipulate himself. In addition, usually the victim does not receive help from the outside, because how can someone explain what is really happening if the victim herself cannot understand it.

It describes the behavior of a perverse narcissist, mainly in the sphere of emotional amorous relationships. But it is also possible to become a victim of such an aggressor in a work collective (boss / subordinate, colleague / colleague relations). But in these cases, the perverse "works" all according to the same scheme. Many people are probably familiar with the situation when the boss, by his appearance, plunges into awe. You try to do your job perfectly, but you still can't please your boss. And the more you tremble, the more he is not happy. You constantly live with a feeling of guilt; you blame your boss's dissatisfaction on your "inability to perform your duties correctly." “But is it really possible to blame such a boss, because when I came / came to get this job, he was such a sweetheart, so he helped me to get used to here.

Yes, and now no, no, and the prize will be thrown. I guess I just need to try harder, be quicker and improve in the professional field. If the victim worker still manages to sort out the situation that has arisen, then he can break out of the bondage of the perverse boss, leaving this workplace. Much more difficult is the situation when the relationship between the aggressor and the victim has developed between children and parents. For example, this option: mother (aggressor) and daughter (victim). Here it is difficult to single out the phase of seduction and paralysis of the victim, we will assume that the very fact of motherhood played its role. And then everything proceeds according to the already well-known program - absorption, exploitation: “Why did the village go like this? Why did you dress like that? It doesn't suit you, I know better.

Why are you hanging out with this painted doll? Don't you understand that she's only harmful to you. What kind of program are you watching? Well, you have a taste, you don't understand yourself, so at least I will give you a hint. I would pay more attention to homework, you know how tired I am, washing and ironing all of you. " And stuff like that, including refusal to communicate (as a "punishment"), omissions, constant demands, whims, discontent. Moreover, it does not matter at all what the age of the child-victim is (he can be either 10 or 50 years old, as long as his mother is alive), whether he has children himself, whether he lives with his parents or separately. Since at the very first call of mommy, the victim will rush even from the other end of the world. After all, mommy needs her attention so much, she is in poor health, she should not be nervous. Sometimes in these relationships it comes to the phase of destroying the victim and covering up the tracks - a complete rupture in the relationship between mother and daughter, dislike for their own child.

In any of these cases, the situation is very difficult. Is there a way out of it?

Of course have. But in order to get out of such an addiction, the victim needs to work on himself. First of all, you need to learn to act more decisively. And not just by repeating a mantra, like this: "I decide everything myself / myself …", but necessarily backing it up with concrete deeds, thus developing my will. For example: “I myself decide that I will not do the cleaning today, but I will do it on another day,” and really stick to this decision, in spite of all the admonitions of the perverse. And there it is not far from the statement: "I myself / myself decide when and what I need to do."

Remember, perverse narcissists can and should be resisted!

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