2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
Author: Ekaterina Oksanen
Strict discipline, a huge number of prohibitions and topics "closed" for discussion, constant control - this is how authoritarian education looks like. If a person grows up in such a system, then he has three options for development: rebellion, passive obedience, or internal protest with external obedience. With this style of upbringing, it is not so often that the child's will breaks down, and his personality is formed according to passive scenarios. And here's what it can lead to:
passivity and lack of initiative
Such people learned from childhood: the initiative is punishable, sit and do not stick your head out, everything should be “like people” (that is, the same). For the courage to be themselves, they immediately received condemnation, criticism or punishment. Therefore, they are used to being silent and even forgot how to feel when they do not like something or are uncomfortable; learned to stifle the desire to change something and be active
anxiety
If a person grew up in a system where "a step to the side is execution", then the feeling of imminent punishment becomes a part of his personality. A vague premonition of impending disaster, a variety of fears and doubts haunt such people even when they have already become old enough to cope with all this
self-doubt
There is nowhere to get confidence if from childhood a person was drummed into the fact that others know better what he needs and how to behave in general. He forgot how to trust himself, rely on himself, consider himself valuable. He was told that "I am the last letter in the alphabet." And taught to treat yourself accordingly
fear of authority
If a person deeply feels small and powerless, then any character who has power (or portrays his importance) will freeze the activity of a passive person. It will be difficult for him to argue, it will be difficult to defend himself, it will be difficult to demand: “Who am I to lean out? The giraffe is big, he knows better"
dichotomous thinking
The tougher the tyranny, the stronger in this system the division into good and bad, right and wrong. A person absorbs this idea and gets used to thinking according to the “either-or” scheme: either I am good or bad; or all, or nothing. This way of thinking leads to severe mental stress.
dependence on public opinion
From childhood, a person was taught that his own opinion means nothing, but others are smarter, better and “more correct”. What difference does it make whether he is happy or unhappy - see what he's invented! The main thing is not to be punished, not shamed. So they get used to a state of affairs in which they don't care about themselves, the main thing is that in the eyes of the public his life looks "right", and no one condemns
Sacrifice position
Well, a child cannot compete with his parents. They are bigger, stronger, he depends on them. If he was instilled in the need to obey, then he unlearns to DO something of his own free will. That is, it is still possible to quietly complain and lament in the corner, but to actively change the system is in no way
low creativity
People who grew up in an authoritarian system are accustomed to thinking in patterns and acting within the framework of other people's rules. And creativity does not tolerate rules, it is about freedom, thinking outside the box and … joy
envy
Envy is a deep sense of one's own inferiority against the background of someone else's success. It occurs when a person feels unable to achieve what he wants. After all, if you are a fairly confident, active and strong person, then instead of envy, there will be a plan in your head to achieve the goal
laziness and procrastination
Often the reasons for these phenomena are an allergy to the word "must". Our man was so exhausted from him, there was so much coercion in his life that any hint of an obligation causes a gag reflex and a desire to defend his freedom at all costs
self-sabotage
People who grew up in an authoritarian system often spoil everything for themselves. The logic is simple: “I have to obey. I don’t want to, I’ll do it my own way. But for willfulness I must be punished. If it does not come from the outside, then it appears from the inside. Doing what he wants, a person punishes himself for such impudence
lack of personal goals in life
… or not understanding your desires. When a person grows up in an oppressive system, no one cares about his desires, because “there is such a word -“must”, and it is presented as something much more important than some wishlist. So a person grows up who has forgotten how to want himself, but he is great at doing what others want.
justification of cruelty
Stockholm Syndrome forces the victim of abuse to make excuses for their torturer. Many people who grew up in tyranny and pressure, in adulthood, do not protect the victims, but the aggressors: they come up with excuses for them, pity and sympathize. Instead of getting angry, resisting and putting in place
problems with psychological boundaries
It is very difficult for such people to defend themselves, to abandon ideas or demands imposed by someone. They are so used to endure that they often do not even understand when communication becomes unhealthy, and it's time to defend yourself
difficult relationship
Not always, but often, childhood abuse leads to adult abuse. It is not always physical and does not always come from a partner: we ourselves can be violent towards ourselves. For example, you want to lie down, but the internal gendarme says: "Well, get up and take care of everyone!" Or a man is unhappy in marriage, but he rapes himself with thoughts about "what people will say." And endures, endures, endures
Fortunately, all these psychological characteristics, although persistent, still lend themselves to change. You may have seen (or even noticed on yourself) how, as they grow up, a person takes off from himself the inability to refuse, dependence on other people's opinions, fears, insecurity, and other consequences of an authoritarian upbringing. With each such episode, it becomes easier for him to live, his eyes are shining brighter, he seems to be freed from the shackles, even if outwardly little changes in his life. Personally, I think it's pretty damn beautiful. And it causes the most real respect. Regardless of the age at which it happens.
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